Comment from Ulla

Excellent

Hi Gloria, I just love your haiku as the story developes. You paint an amazing image in my mind with nature drawing back into itself as autumn and winter approach. Well, that's how I read it. I have just added to the chapter myself. I need to write a few reviews before I can promote it. Ulla:)))

 Comment Written 17-Jul-2020

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reply by the author on 24-Jul-2020

Thank you so much always, Ulla. :))

Gloria

Comment from lyenochka

Excellent

Lovely imagery! When the fruit trees are done, ("orchard withdraws"), the seeds of leftover fruit ("funeral procession seed boats drift ") become Nature's way of mourning before the rebirth in Spring. At least, that's what your poem speaks to me about. Close?

 Comment Written 17-Jul-2020

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reply by the author on 24-Jul-2020

Yes, you were right on, Helen. Thank you so much always. :))

Gloria

reply by lyenochka on 24-Jul-2020

Hooray! 💖😻

Comment from Sandra du Plessis

Excellent

A very well-written 5-7-5 contribution to the multi author book to put together the Renga what it is inverted for. The end product will be a kaleidoscope of color, style, and words

 Comment Written 17-Jul-2020

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reply by the author on 24-Jul-2020

Thank you so much always, Sandra. :))

Gloria

Comment from June Sargent

Exceptional

I like how you redirected the flow of the unfolding story back to the water. I did add to it with my couplet, focusing on the willows. Hopefully it complimented your haiku. I am thoroughly enjoying this book of Renga!

 Comment Written 17-Jul-2020

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reply by the author on 24-Jul-2020

Thank you so much, June for a terrific review. Much appreciation always. :))

Gloria

Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose

Excellent

Funeral Procession
by Gloria ....

Hello, Gloria,

I love the way you continue the theme from previous 7/7 couplet and pivoted to a new theme. Dolly wants to follow you :) it's turning out wonderfully thus far. I'm honored the best poets on fanstory are meeting the challenge. Matsuo Basho would be proud. LoL

Well done, my friend.

Gypsy

 Comment Written 17-Jul-2020

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reply by the author on 24-Jul-2020

Thank you kindly, Gypsy. Your book is a terrific idea and it was my pleasure to contribute in whatever small way. :))

Gloria

Comment from Bill Schott

Excellent

A new haiku sends the bones of the ravaged berries down the river as the swamp sucks in the bitten berry bodies and claims them.

 Comment Written 17-Jul-2020

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reply by the author on 24-Jul-2020

Thank you so much, Bill. :))

Gloria

Comment from Pam (respa)

Excellent

-Glad you added to the book, Gloria.
-Very nice artwork and presentation.
-A good follow up to Mrs. KT's poem.
-Effective imagery with "seed boats"
and a very good satori line.
-One thing to consider is
funeral is 6 syllables.

 Comment Written 17-Jul-2020

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reply by the author on 24-Jul-2020

Funeral is elision in very much the same that memories has three syllables, but is typically pronounced as two. Thank you so much Pam for a terrific review. :))

Gloria

reply by Pam (respa) on 24-Jul-2020

You are welcome, Gloria.

Comment from Mrs. KT

Exceptional

Oh my goodness, Gloria!
Beautiful imagery!
And what I so appreciate, if I understand this form and its intent, your exceptionally well-crafted haiku takes us out of the bloody orchard and into the larger world!
So honored to be a small part of this project!

P.S.
Perhaps "cortege" for procession, only because some folks may pronounce funeral with three syllables...

Thank you for sharing!
diane

 Comment Written 17-Jul-2020

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reply by the author on 24-Jul-2020

Procession needs to be included to show the seed boats flowing down the river. The pronunciation of funerals is much along the same lines of elision as memories, which is most often pronounced mem'ries. Thank you so much always, Diane. :))

Gloria

Gloria

Comment from Pantygynt

Exceptional

I criticised a 'haiku' yesterday on the grounds that the third line was not a true satori as it merely followed logically from the first two lines. I do hope the author of that one also reads this, because with this satori you really do think, 'well I never thought of it that way before!'

For me the satori is the essence of a haiku. If it does this it is and if it doesn't it isn't, whatever the society for latter day Silesian haiku writers, or any other similar body may say.

 Comment Written 17-Jul-2020

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reply by the author on 24-Jul-2020

Thank you so much friend, Jim for a terrific review and lovely comments. Appreciation to you always. :))

Gloria

Comment from Dolly'sPoems

Excellent

A sweet withdrawal here as the seasons change and cycle continues, magical resonating words filled with sadness and also the promise of renewed life, much enjoyed, love Dolly x

 Comment Written 17-Jul-2020

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reply by the author on 24-Jul-2020

Thank you so much always, Dolly. :))

Gloria