The Runner
time stood still18 total reviews
Comment from Mary Kay Bonfante
You've made an interesting choice, for what to write for this challenge. It has a mysterious beginning, and the ending is thoroughly creepy! But that's the essence of Horror and Thriller Fiction.
Suggestions for minor revisions:
He was wondering about his friends that choose to stay.
-->
He was wondering about his friends that chose to stay.
Pensive he started to mumble:
-->
Pensive, he started to mumble:
This is a very creative and engaging story.
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You've made an interesting choice, for what to write for this challenge. It has a mysterious beginning, and the ending is thoroughly creepy! But that's the essence of Horror and Thriller Fiction.
Suggestions for minor revisions:
He was wondering about his friends that choose to stay.
-->
He was wondering about his friends that chose to stay.
Pensive he started to mumble:
-->
Pensive, he started to mumble:
This is a very creative and engaging story.
Comment Written 30-Jun-2020
Comment from Huguette M. Forest-Coultry
You have me further intrigued. Have been away from FS while I do the final work to bring my book JOURNEYING THE WATERS to fruition. I HAVE to catch up!!
Keep up the good work. This piece does remind me of some of the small towns in Western Canada that no longer exist except for a cairn or in the names on tombstones. I am happy that though death has come calling too many times in my life, it has yet to claim me. Take care.
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You have me further intrigued. Have been away from FS while I do the final work to bring my book JOURNEYING THE WATERS to fruition. I HAVE to catch up!!
Keep up the good work. This piece does remind me of some of the small towns in Western Canada that no longer exist except for a cairn or in the names on tombstones. I am happy that though death has come calling too many times in my life, it has yet to claim me. Take care.
Comment Written 30-Jun-2020
Comment from Raul1
This is sure is creepy. I like how you told me story. I sure wouldn't want the world to end up like that. It sounds realistic. Excellent work! No grammatical errors. Good luck on the contest!
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2020
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This is sure is creepy. I like how you told me story. I sure wouldn't want the world to end up like that. It sounds realistic. Excellent work! No grammatical errors. Good luck on the contest!
Comment Written 30-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2020
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Thank you so much, Raul, your wonderful review works like Red Bull:) gives me wings. I wish you a wonderful day and lots of inspiration.
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You're welcome and thank you!
Comment from Patty Palmer
This is very well written! It's the kind of stuff I like to come up with when I have to write something off the wall. You told your story easily and I never even saw that ending coming! Good job!
Patty
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2020
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This is very well written! It's the kind of stuff I like to come up with when I have to write something off the wall. You told your story easily and I never even saw that ending coming! Good job!
Patty
Comment Written 30-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2020
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I think you capture exactly my feeling- I had to come up with something fast" off the wall", I hope i am not disqualified because there is not so much nostalgia in the story. Thank you for reading
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Sometimes when we have to think fast is when we do our best work! That's= cuz we don't have time to keep gong back and changing things!]''
Patty
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Yes you are so right. Thank you for reading😉
Comment from Beverly A McBride
Nice imagery with the train reflected in the windows. I got distracted by "was wondering" instead of "wondered." I would have liked a little more development of the letter from his friend. And a little more build-up about the "appearance" of "death."
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reply by the author on 30-Jun-2020
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Nice imagery with the train reflected in the windows. I got distracted by "was wondering" instead of "wondered." I would have liked a little more development of the letter from his friend. And a little more build-up about the "appearance" of "death."
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 30-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2020
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So sorry, maybe after the contest I will feel out the empty space:) Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. Have an amazing day, Iza
Comment from Bobby Cunningham
This is a very clever and creative short story that fits the contest requirements well. We were eagerly pursuing every line with anticipation. The realization of why he was called back is an unexpected twist to the readers delight. Best of luck in the contest. Have a wonderful day.
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2020
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This is a very clever and creative short story that fits the contest requirements well. We were eagerly pursuing every line with anticipation. The realization of why he was called back is an unexpected twist to the readers delight. Best of luck in the contest. Have a wonderful day.
Comment Written 30-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2020
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When I wrote this I was thinking abut IT the horror book of Steven King... the letter that brings back the friends who killed the Clown before:) Thank you so much for your wonderful and encouraging review.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
It is never a good idea going back to where you started. Things change, and in this case, not for the better. What an eerie story! He was the last runner, I suppose, and now he'll die! I'd run!! Well done, this was a great story for the contest. Good luck! :)) Sandra xx
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2020
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It is never a good idea going back to where you started. Things change, and in this case, not for the better. What an eerie story! He was the last runner, I suppose, and now he'll die! I'd run!! Well done, this was a great story for the contest. Good luck! :)) Sandra xx
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 30-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2020
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Thank you so much, Sandra is always a great honor to be reviewed by the best kids writer. Thank YOU and say safe my dear friend,
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Now you have me wondering who you are! lol. I'll have to check when the contest is over. Good luck again. :))
Comment from Kermit R. Mullins
The Runner, from the start I anticipated something quite different, very good. "not a prisoner of this ghost town" was an interesting point for me as I have experienced this very feeling."The town called me back" as many a hometowns have done. I thing you've accomplished the very purpose of this piece. A very well done writing prompt. Best wishes.
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The Runner, from the start I anticipated something quite different, very good. "not a prisoner of this ghost town" was an interesting point for me as I have experienced this very feeling."The town called me back" as many a hometowns have done. I thing you've accomplished the very purpose of this piece. A very well done writing prompt. Best wishes.
Comment Written 30-Jun-2020
