Night Vision
What the stars create in the longing for love23 total reviews
Comment from Janet Foor
A somber, nostalgic poem with vivid descriptives. A longing followed by a flood of tears. A very sad and poignant piece of poetry.
Thanks for sharing
Blessings
Janet
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2020
  |
A somber, nostalgic poem with vivid descriptives. A longing followed by a flood of tears. A very sad and poignant piece of poetry.
Thanks for sharing
Blessings
Janet
Comment Written 06-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2020
-
Janet, thank you so much for the blessings
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
You did a good job with this interesting style. Your rhymes are correct per line. The art choice enhances your theme. I believe you are saying that dreams in the night seem so real. But when daylight comes and you awaken, those images vanish leaving one to feel abandoned to the point of heartbreak and tears. While the meter needs work, the poem itself reads well with great imagery.
Meter: (a line from a Simon & Garfunkel song)may help with iambic pentameter
I'd rather be a hammer than a nail
i'd Ra/ther Be /a Ham/ mer /Than/ a Nail
stress is on the capitalized parts--there are 5 stresses and 5 that are not stressed--it reads natural. Each 'part' between the [brackets is a foot
so there's 10 syllables with 5 stresses on important words--no little words like a, the . . . are stressed ]
Respectfully, Jan
try using this when writing in iambic pentameter [this isn't the only way for this type of iambic meter, but it helps when learning ]
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2020
|
You did a good job with this interesting style. Your rhymes are correct per line. The art choice enhances your theme. I believe you are saying that dreams in the night seem so real. But when daylight comes and you awaken, those images vanish leaving one to feel abandoned to the point of heartbreak and tears. While the meter needs work, the poem itself reads well with great imagery.
Meter: (a line from a Simon & Garfunkel song)may help with iambic pentameter
I'd rather be a hammer than a nail
i'd Ra/ther Be /a Ham/ mer /Than/ a Nail
stress is on the capitalized parts--there are 5 stresses and 5 that are not stressed--it reads natural. Each 'part' between the [brackets is a foot
so there's 10 syllables with 5 stresses on important words--no little words like a, the . . . are stressed ]
Respectfully, Jan
try using this when writing in iambic pentameter [this isn't the only way for this type of iambic meter, but it helps when learning ]
Comment Written 06-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2020
-
Jan, I have printed your very kind council and will tape it to my forehead (sic) two of my most favorite ballardiers I should be able to grasp this... thanks
Comment from Mastery
Hi Jim. The sentiments put forth in this poetry are very emotional. It's an age-old tale of fleeting love and suffering the loss thereof. Very well done my friend. :) Bob
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2020
|
Hi Jim. The sentiments put forth in this poetry are very emotional. It's an age-old tale of fleeting love and suffering the loss thereof. Very well done my friend. :) Bob
Comment Written 06-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2020
-
Hey Bob! Good to see your name, thanks for the good tidings. Jim
-
Hi Jim. Sorry, I simply cannot keep up with all of your posts my friend. I do when I can. :) Bob
-
Methinks I need a life... LOL
-
Not really Jim. : ) Bob
Comment from Raffaelina Lowcock
The euphoria at the beginning of love is sometimes so enveloping that we miss the signs we should note. When it comes to an end, the sadness stabs with aching pain a heart prepared for love. This art you chose is stellar. Do I have it right? :)Ralf
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2020
|
The euphoria at the beginning of love is sometimes so enveloping that we miss the signs we should note. When it comes to an end, the sadness stabs with aching pain a heart prepared for love. This art you chose is stellar. Do I have it right? :)Ralf
Comment Written 06-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2020
-
Ralf, you certainly nailed it...we have all had the feeling at sometime in our lives.
Comment from Janice Canerdy
This is a very lovely, descriptive poem with a tone of sad longing for that beauty which was dreamed of but, at last, was not accessible, evoking a flood of tears.
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2020
|
This is a very lovely, descriptive poem with a tone of sad longing for that beauty which was dreamed of but, at last, was not accessible, evoking a flood of tears.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2020
-
Janice, thank you so much!
Comment from Sally Law
Dreams comes alive underneath the stars and moon. This is terribly romantic, J. Lost love is always recaptured in this dreamy state. Sending you my best today as always, and best wishes for the challenge,
Sal :)
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2020
|
Dreams comes alive underneath the stars and moon. This is terribly romantic, J. Lost love is always recaptured in this dreamy state. Sending you my best today as always, and best wishes for the challenge,
Sal :)
Comment Written 06-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2020
-
Thanks Sal, hoping you have a sunshiny weekend!
Comment from estory
You have a good piece here in the romantic sensibility; that idea of the unattainability of perfect love. I think you did a good job with that hazy, not quite defined image, just one step beyond you. we feel you reaching out but then your embrace closes on ....nothing. a dream. Nice conversational style. estory
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2020
|
You have a good piece here in the romantic sensibility; that idea of the unattainability of perfect love. I think you did a good job with that hazy, not quite defined image, just one step beyond you. we feel you reaching out but then your embrace closes on ....nothing. a dream. Nice conversational style. estory
Comment Written 06-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2020
-
estory, thank you!
Comment from Susan X Smith
This is a different and interesting romantic poem. I was previously unaware of this type of format. The picture is a striking addition. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2020
|
This is a different and interesting romantic poem. I was previously unaware of this type of format. The picture is a striking addition. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2020
-
Thank you!
Comment from Cindy Decker
A very beautiful poem about yearning and love. The author also expresses daylight and a sense of loss. I love the artwork. Very good work and contest worthy.
Good luck.
Cindy
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2020
|
A very beautiful poem about yearning and love. The author also expresses daylight and a sense of loss. I love the artwork. Very good work and contest worthy.
Good luck.
Cindy
Comment Written 06-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2020
-
Cindy, thanks for your input, this poetic format has a lot of rules to comply with and I feel I am halfway there. Have an awesome weekend!
-
You too!
Comment from January L'Angelle
This is going to sound dumb, but what came to my mind was a child thinking of a snow angel (or snow figure). I didn't even read the prompt until after I read the poem and that's what went through my head. Maybe it was the melting in the light of day that did it for me. However, I really enjoyed this poem and the words that you chose. They were smart and well thought out. Great job. -January L.
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2020
|
This is going to sound dumb, but what came to my mind was a child thinking of a snow angel (or snow figure). I didn't even read the prompt until after I read the poem and that's what went through my head. Maybe it was the melting in the light of day that did it for me. However, I really enjoyed this poem and the words that you chose. They were smart and well thought out. Great job. -January L.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2020
-
Janury you certainly could be most correct.
