Aaron's Dragons
Viewing comments for Chapter 27 "The King"An aging knight finds a clutch of dragon eggs
15 total reviews
Comment from JudyE
Suggesting Aaron become king is a new development in your engaging story.
I picked up a few small points.
The potatoes showing signs of sprouts - should be 'The potatoes were showing signs of sprouts'
Mountain approached her flicking his tongue at her hand - I might have put a comma after 'her'
The question is what are we going to do with them. You don't happen to have a chicken coop, do you? I really don't want them running around in here." - speech marks needed before 'The question..'
"I'm pretty sure she's right. Chickens eat grain, not fish. Marjorie, Duane, eat your dinner and then go to the root cellar and see what you can find. I'm sure there are some bags of grain. - speech marks needed after 'grain'
Have a great day
Judy
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2020
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Suggesting Aaron become king is a new development in your engaging story.
I picked up a few small points.
The potatoes showing signs of sprouts - should be 'The potatoes were showing signs of sprouts'
Mountain approached her flicking his tongue at her hand - I might have put a comma after 'her'
The question is what are we going to do with them. You don't happen to have a chicken coop, do you? I really don't want them running around in here." - speech marks needed before 'The question..'
"I'm pretty sure she's right. Chickens eat grain, not fish. Marjorie, Duane, eat your dinner and then go to the root cellar and see what you can find. I'm sure there are some bags of grain. - speech marks needed after 'grain'
Have a great day
Judy
Comment Written 24-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2020
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Thanks. I'll fix that right spag right away.
Comment from Mary Kay Bonfante
This looks like an enjoyable chapter of fantasy fiction. At first it took me a little while to figure out who the people, dragons and chicks were, but it finally became clear.
I found some minor errors and have the following recommendations:
The potatoes showing signs of sprouts.
-->
The potatoes were showing signs of sprouts.
they'll let you know," said Aaron
-->
they'll let you know," said Aaron. (add period)
The question is what are we going to do with them...
-->
"The question is what are we going to do with them...
"We do have a coop. I wouldn't put them in there just yet, though.
Put them...
-->
"We do have a coop. I wouldn't put them in there just yet, though. Put them...
(no line break before 2nd sentence)
I'm sure there are some bags of grain."
I really like your story and your characters are great. So Dylan wants Aaron to be king! It seems that you really know what you're doing.
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2020
|
This looks like an enjoyable chapter of fantasy fiction. At first it took me a little while to figure out who the people, dragons and chicks were, but it finally became clear.
I found some minor errors and have the following recommendations:
The potatoes showing signs of sprouts.
-->
The potatoes were showing signs of sprouts.
they'll let you know," said Aaron
-->
they'll let you know," said Aaron. (add period)
The question is what are we going to do with them...
-->
"The question is what are we going to do with them...
"We do have a coop. I wouldn't put them in there just yet, though.
Put them...
-->
"We do have a coop. I wouldn't put them in there just yet, though. Put them...
(no line break before 2nd sentence)
I'm sure there are some bags of grain."
I really like your story and your characters are great. So Dylan wants Aaron to be king! It seems that you really know what you're doing.
Comment Written 24-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2020
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Thanks for the catches. Looks like I have some fixing to do. Glad you enjoyed this chapter.
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You're very welcome. Yes, I really did enjoy it!
Comment from Diana L Crawford
What an awesome idea to make Aaron their King! I like that idea! I love how the dragons went and got "big" fish! I'm sure the shark was quite unexpected! I wonder what shark meat taste like as I've never had it before. So our farmers are new to the story but I have a feeling this will not be their first and last appearance. Thank you again for this wonderful story! xoxo
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2020
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What an awesome idea to make Aaron their King! I like that idea! I love how the dragons went and got "big" fish! I'm sure the shark was quite unexpected! I wonder what shark meat taste like as I've never had it before. So our farmers are new to the story but I have a feeling this will not be their first and last appearance. Thank you again for this wonderful story! xoxo
Comment Written 23-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2020
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Thanks! I think Aaron might like the girl. He's going to be pretty surprised to find the dragons knew all along he'd be king. I hope that doesn't give too much away.
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I was wondering about the little lady! i figured she might become a fixture in the story. Interesting that the dragons know and have not spilled the beans to Aaron before! haha! keep writing, just love this story! xoxo
Comment from JP Writer
Disclosure: This is not a genre I am much acquainted with or that I generally enjoy, but I was curious and your chapter engaged me. Your little background paragraph was helpful -- I would have enjoyed your fleshing it out a bit more with short descriptions of the characters in the chapter. But it still works on some level, and I think it has good potential. As I'm not familiar with the genre, I won't pretentiously offer suggestions. But I do feel comfortable encouraging you to write on...
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reply by the author on 23-Feb-2020
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Disclosure: This is not a genre I am much acquainted with or that I generally enjoy, but I was curious and your chapter engaged me. Your little background paragraph was helpful -- I would have enjoyed your fleshing it out a bit more with short descriptions of the characters in the chapter. But it still works on some level, and I think it has good potential. As I'm not familiar with the genre, I won't pretentiously offer suggestions. But I do feel comfortable encouraging you to write on...
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 23-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2020
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Thanks. This book is nearly done. I'm only a couple of chapters from the end. The other chapters are all in my portfolio if you're interested.
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Brava! Good luck! Again, it's not a genre to which I gravitate but I may check out chapter 1 this week.
Comment from Sharon Haiste
I think this is another good chapter in your story.
It continues to be well told and interesting.
I did find one little thing: "Help be get this one outside." Help me??
Well done.
Sharon
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2020
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I think this is another good chapter in your story.
It continues to be well told and interesting.
I did find one little thing: "Help be get this one outside." Help me??
Well done.
Sharon
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 23-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2020
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Thanks for the catch. I'll fix that right now. Glad you enjoyed the chapter.