Comment from GE Parson

Exceptional

I awarded your story a 6 rating because your husband and I might possibly be related. Jerry Howarth
Topeka, Iowa
jp2howarths@gmail.com

 Comment Written 21-Dec-2019

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reply by the author on 21-Dec-2019

Thank you so much for the extremely generous six star rating. Unfortunately, I don't think there's any relationship. Howarth is just a name I plucked out of the air for the imaginary couple in my story, though it's a very cool surname, I think. Many thanks, Craig

Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)

Exceptional

ageing slip from Linda's oustretched hand. (aging, outstretched)

The cattle industry is very cruel. I worked near a meat-packing plant and heard terrible stories of the cruelties. Most of the workers were very poorly paid Mexicans as they were the ones willing to do the work. I like the moralistic view of this one and it touched my heart. Have a Merry Christmas, my friend~Debbie

 Comment Written 21-Dec-2019

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reply by the author on 21-Dec-2019

Thanks so much for the wonderful comments, the lovely shiny stars and the kind Christmas wishes, Debbie. I've changed the "oustanding" typo, but not the "ageing" one, although I have added an extra author note for it :) Most grateful, have a wonderful Christmas yourself. Craig

Comment from Alex Rosel

Excellent

I enjoyed reading this. It's a horror story that stands by itself, but it also has undertones that reflect the worst of our modern society {thumbs up}.

Here are a couple of points you might like to consider:

"I wonder who this could be for...." -- Spag? This is a question, so it needs a question mark.

"I guess Santa left it, like the others," offered four-year-old Michael. -- Ha, ha! I like this {smiles}.

Tim stood about three feet in front of Number 27's head. He aimed at the central point of imaginary lines joining the base of each horn to the diagonally opposite eye socket, and pulled the trigger. -- Personally, I think this is a bit convoluted. Unless the "central point of imaginary lines joining the base of each horn to the diagonally opposite eye socket" is later revealed to be significant, I'd omit it. I'd revise this to something like "Tim stood about three feet in front of Number 27's head, aiming carefully, he pulled the trigger". Just personal preference...

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 Comment Written 21-Dec-2019

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reply by the author on 21-Dec-2019

Thanks for the excellent suggestions. I agree the description of shooting the cow is probably more complicated than necessary, so I'll look to simplify it. In so far as "I wonder who this could be for....", I considered a "?", however technically. I'm not sure it's a question -- it's a statement, telling us the speaker is wondering. I'm not certain about this, you may well be right. I'll mull it over :)

Thanks again for a thorough review.

Cheers,
Craig

reply by Alex Rosel on 21-Dec-2019

{Thumbs up}.