The Home Team
Missed Deadline Ghost Contest Offering (see author notes)29 total reviews
Comment from karenina
Well darn it all anyway! Don't you hate it when you miss a deadline? I think you'd have been in the high running with this imaginative and well written story! Ghosts have a way of charming the living spirits that encounter them... Especially those together for a "century or two!" Clever and imaginative write which I thoroughly enjoyed!--Karenina
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2019
  |
Well darn it all anyway! Don't you hate it when you miss a deadline? I think you'd have been in the high running with this imaginative and well written story! Ghosts have a way of charming the living spirits that encounter them... Especially those together for a "century or two!" Clever and imaginative write which I thoroughly enjoyed!--Karenina
Comment Written 04-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2019
-
Wow! Thanx for your awesome comments on this one, ma'am -- you have managed to put a smile on my face amidst all of this insanity of school prep! ;) Hope you're enjoying/enjoyed your grandkids this summer - such a wonderful gift! :) :) You be sure to have a wonderful week ahead! ;) Yvette
-
Stay calm....it'll all get done in time SOMEHOW! MY grands are ready to go back to school shopping...the summer went so fast!--Karenina
Comment from LisaMay
Those deadlines do catch us out sometimes!
I enjoyed your story very much. I wish my house was inhabited by ghosts who can clean. There was a lot of detail that added to the story, such as his prosthetic leg.
"And you can just call me Rich." (I loved the humour in Major's response about the help.)
There's a deletion of 'the' needed in this line:
When he walked in, he was taken aback. The area shone with (the) all the splendor of a brand new house,
I was concerned that he referred to her as 'Mrs. Coleman' and she didn't correct him. I'm hoping she is single so they can be together.
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2019
|
Those deadlines do catch us out sometimes!
I enjoyed your story very much. I wish my house was inhabited by ghosts who can clean. There was a lot of detail that added to the story, such as his prosthetic leg.
"And you can just call me Rich." (I loved the humour in Major's response about the help.)
There's a deletion of 'the' needed in this line:
When he walked in, he was taken aback. The area shone with (the) all the splendor of a brand new house,
I was concerned that he referred to her as 'Mrs. Coleman' and she didn't correct him. I'm hoping she is single so they can be together.
Comment Written 04-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2019
-
Oh my goodness -- I am so very glad you caught the 'Mrs.' screw-up, L-M -- changed it just as soon as this came in, but I was buried this weekend in 'school year prep' and am just getting caught up with things (during my meetings....lol! Shhhhhh....don't tell on me!). I do so much appreciate your second set of eyes, ma'am -- THANK YOU!! :) Take care and have a great week! :) Yvette
Comment from Robert Zimmerman
Very cool story Yvette. I started to sniff out some of the intrigue when Chastity called him "Master Driscoll." That's not a word used in E. TN. I have been there hundreds of times and never heard the word used. I learned another thing. Don't use the Takl App there.....they send ghosts. Z
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2019
|
Very cool story Yvette. I started to sniff out some of the intrigue when Chastity called him "Master Driscoll." That's not a word used in E. TN. I have been there hundreds of times and never heard the word used. I learned another thing. Don't use the Takl App there.....they send ghosts. Z
Comment Written 04-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2019
-
LOL! :) I am so very glad that you enjoyed the Major and his "team" -- they were certainly fun to create! :) :) Thanx for the wonderful review, Z -- very appreciated! ;) Take care of you out there! ;) Yvette
Comment from Hugh McDowell
Yvette, this is such a delicious story! Well paced and sequenced, there are several avenues that the reader can pursue. Loved the characters and the dialogue was spot on. Sorry you missed the contest. I think this would have been a contender!!! Hugh
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2019
 |
Yvette, this is such a delicious story! Well paced and sequenced, there are several avenues that the reader can pursue. Loved the characters and the dialogue was spot on. Sorry you missed the contest. I think this would have been a contender!!! Hugh
Comment Written 04-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2019
-
Wow, Hugh!! I'm so very glad that you enjoyed Major and his 'team' ... they were certainly quite fun to write! :) And, yeah, c'est la vie on the contest... just glad I remembered to share this with all of you amidst all this school year prep nonsense!! ;) ;) Thank you for those wonderful stars and for your awesome review!! ;) ;) Take care! Yvette
Comment from poetwatch
Thank you, Yvette, for bringing into this life a taste of what it was like. Everyone stood together to make this Nation. Like a husband's and wife's love, saving family values. Very nice write woman. Next time send the computer to the shop. :) You could do with a sight pause here, (twinkled with intrigue?) "with... intrigue? and here should be "hear" (ya here, Rich man) :)
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2019
|
Thank you, Yvette, for bringing into this life a taste of what it was like. Everyone stood together to make this Nation. Like a husband's and wife's love, saving family values. Very nice write woman. Next time send the computer to the shop. :) You could do with a sight pause here, (twinkled with intrigue?) "with... intrigue? and here should be "hear" (ya here, Rich man) :)
Comment Written 04-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2019
-
You were certainly right about the pause, Jose -- went back re-read and inserted it... reads a lot better! ;) ;) And you're definitely on-point with the values... just not the same as it used to be.. :( Thanx for the review, sir -- have a great week! :) Yvette
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written story about a soldier who lost his leg and job and have to start a new life in a small town. It seems he got a whole team to live and run the new house he had purchased.
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2019
|
A very well-written story about a soldier who lost his leg and job and have to start a new life in a small town. It seems he got a whole team to live and run the new house he had purchased.
Comment Written 04-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2019
-
Hooray - so glad you enjoyed the Major and his 'team', Sandra - they were fun to write! ;) ;) Thanx for the review! ;) Yvette
Comment from aryr
This was interesting to read Yvette. It had a very comfortable reading flow and progressed very well. You presented it with hints and innuendos along the way and did so in an intriguing way. Very well done, thanks.
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2019
|
This was interesting to read Yvette. It had a very comfortable reading flow and progressed very well. You presented it with hints and innuendos along the way and did so in an intriguing way. Very well done, thanks.
Comment Written 04-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2019
-
Thanx for your review on Major and the 'team', Alie!! ;) Have a great week! :) Yvette
-
Most welcome Yvette
Comment from Loren .
So, is this what you're doing at those teacher's meetings? ;) Oh how badly we need these kinds of neighborhoods again. I think you could create a wonderful story, creating not only the neighborhood but the whole town as well. Something like the Mitford series. Only suggestion would be this, Gray crew cleaning uniform change to Gray crew-cleaning uniform . Only a suggestion though. Grammar is not my strong suit either. Loren
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2019
|
So, is this what you're doing at those teacher's meetings? ;) Oh how badly we need these kinds of neighborhoods again. I think you could create a wonderful story, creating not only the neighborhood but the whole town as well. Something like the Mitford series. Only suggestion would be this, Gray crew cleaning uniform change to Gray crew-cleaning uniform . Only a suggestion though. Grammar is not my strong suit either. Loren
Comment Written 04-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2019
-
Actually I wrote this one the week before (one evening when I was supposed to be 'prepping' for the teacher meeting - lol!). But, I must confess, I wasn't 100% engaged during some of the meeting stuff, but shhhhhh, don't tell on me! ;) An awesome sight, those stars, though, sir -- THANK YOU!! ;) ;) Glad you enjoyed, and you might just be right about the continuation.... could be fun!! Maybe I'll revisit next summer... ? :) :) Take care out there and thank you for your awesome support! ;) Yvette
Comment from Gail Denham
Well done chapter - you can tell a woman wrote this as it encompasses so much of the house and its contents. My comments would be not to have those "drop off" words so often. They don't really serve a purpose I think. The story reads smooth altho there are undertones of mystery and intrigue I think. Another comment - looking at the spacious kitchen and then you mention the walk-in shower - well, did he go to the bedroom yet - the shower wouldn't be close to the kitchen would it?
The part about adjusting his artificial leg is well done - believable.
Good chapter.
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2019
|
Well done chapter - you can tell a woman wrote this as it encompasses so much of the house and its contents. My comments would be not to have those "drop off" words so often. They don't really serve a purpose I think. The story reads smooth altho there are undertones of mystery and intrigue I think. Another comment - looking at the spacious kitchen and then you mention the walk-in shower - well, did he go to the bedroom yet - the shower wouldn't be close to the kitchen would it?
The part about adjusting his artificial leg is well done - believable.
Good chapter.
Comment Written 04-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2019
-
Thanx for that suggestion about the kitchen/bath -- went in and took care of that (I think) and it does read 'better' :) ;) Thanx so very much for taking the time read through it completely, Gail -- so appreciated! ;) ;) Take care and have a great week! ;) ;) Yvette
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
This is well written and thoroughly engaging beginning to end. It flows logically and is very easy to follow. Bummer you missed entering it, but I am sure it will collect its fair share of accolades as it is just that good. Well done and thank you very much for sharing it.
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2019
|
This is well written and thoroughly engaging beginning to end. It flows logically and is very easy to follow. Bummer you missed entering it, but I am sure it will collect its fair share of accolades as it is just that good. Well done and thank you very much for sharing it.
Comment Written 04-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2019
-
Ahhhh... C'est la vie! It was a fun write before the school madness started...ugh! ;) :) Thanx for the review, Angel -- take care! ;) Yvette