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Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "We used to love the rain"Free verse poems
25 total reviews
Comment from rama devi
We loved the rain and ran out laughing into it.
Yes! Me too!
Wish I had a six for this intense pensive poetic piece. The descriptive caliber is superb! Highly original. Fine tone and tenor. Excellent poetic contrast. Lots of substance and subtle metaphorical meaning.
Good flow and voicing. Just one spag suggestion here:
We turned our faces up
to the deluge,(NO COMMA) and danced through puddles.
POWERFUL IMAGERY AND TONE-SHIFT:
Now, rain on burnt land beats drums of pain.
Unease is ashen on our tongues.
Impacting closing note:
Pray that the rain learns to fall gently,
or that we learn
to live with its thunder
and fear not our own bodies falling
to the sea.
Memorable write. Bravo!
Welcome back!
Warmly,
rd
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2018
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We loved the rain and ran out laughing into it.
Yes! Me too!
Wish I had a six for this intense pensive poetic piece. The descriptive caliber is superb! Highly original. Fine tone and tenor. Excellent poetic contrast. Lots of substance and subtle metaphorical meaning.
Good flow and voicing. Just one spag suggestion here:
We turned our faces up
to the deluge,(NO COMMA) and danced through puddles.
POWERFUL IMAGERY AND TONE-SHIFT:
Now, rain on burnt land beats drums of pain.
Unease is ashen on our tongues.
Impacting closing note:
Pray that the rain learns to fall gently,
or that we learn
to live with its thunder
and fear not our own bodies falling
to the sea.
Memorable write. Bravo!
Welcome back!
Warmly,
rd
Comment Written 29-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2018
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Thank you rd, for the virtual six, much appreciated. I'll get rid of that comma too. I plan to read this at the next open mic in Malibu. I suppose it might be hard to hear for the residents, but all of us here are in it together. At least we do have some bits of green popping up now.
Thanks again! Your review made my day :))
Carol
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Glad there is green returning! Thanks for your enthusiastic response. Yay :-))
Comment from Joan E.
Thank you for returning in time for me to wish you a peaceful and healthful New Year. I admired your very evocative, free verse and your appeal to our senses of sight, sound and taste. Your "drums of pain" metaphor is memorable. Sighs- Joan
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2018
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Thank you for returning in time for me to wish you a peaceful and healthful New Year. I admired your very evocative, free verse and your appeal to our senses of sight, sound and taste. Your "drums of pain" metaphor is memorable. Sighs- Joan
Comment Written 29-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2018
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Thanks, Joan. Are you ready for the Santa Ana winds for New Years? I'll wish you a Happy New Year anyway, whatever you are up too :))
Carol
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We had some heavy winds the day before Christmas--so, I already battened down the hatches. We are going to a New Year's Eve party with old friends and will ring in the new year quietly. I hope 2019 is peaceful and productive for you. Happy, happy- Joan
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written free verse poem about the rain we love to hear and see coming down in drops to wet the dry land and make the grass green and flowers to bloom. Over the years it seems human did so much damage to nature we fear the rain is going to wash us away.
HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2018
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A very well-written free verse poem about the rain we love to hear and see coming down in drops to wet the dry land and make the grass green and flowers to bloom. Over the years it seems human did so much damage to nature we fear the rain is going to wash us away.
HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY
Comment Written 29-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2018
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Yes, you are right, we fear it can wash us away and indeed it has done that. Thank you and happy new year!!
Carol
Comment from nancy_e_davis
I remember those days Carole. I was a child though. Illinois received more rain than Nevada. It is really an Occasion here in Nevada. California is in danger of washing away into the ocean now after the terrible fire. Lovely Poem. Happy New Year. Nancy:)
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2018
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I remember those days Carole. I was a child though. Illinois received more rain than Nevada. It is really an Occasion here in Nevada. California is in danger of washing away into the ocean now after the terrible fire. Lovely Poem. Happy New Year. Nancy:)
Comment Written 29-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2018
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Yes, rain is an Occasion here in southern California too. Thank you Nancy for the wonderful review and rating, Happy New Year!!
Carol
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
You did a good job, Carol, describing rain with your free verse. I like the sides you give readers--the good and the bad (after months of devastating fires0. Your words are descriptive and well-chosen. Your lines flow smoothly with good focus. Thanks for sharing. Jan
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2018
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You did a good job, Carol, describing rain with your free verse. I like the sides you give readers--the good and the bad (after months of devastating fires0. Your words are descriptive and well-chosen. Your lines flow smoothly with good focus. Thanks for sharing. Jan
Comment Written 29-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2018
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I guess we have mixed feelings about a lot of things, and now it's about rain too (for me). It's scary when you consider the burned areas, but I still love it :))
Thank you for the review,
Carol
Comment from LIJ Red
Don't blame the rain. It's nature personified. Don't blame the fires, nature has
always sent lightning to scorch a few million acres now and again to keep her cycles going. Who breaks those cycles and gets in the way, let him beware... excellent free verse,
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2018
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Don't blame the rain. It's nature personified. Don't blame the fires, nature has
always sent lightning to scorch a few million acres now and again to keep her cycles going. Who breaks those cycles and gets in the way, let him beware... excellent free verse,
Comment Written 29-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2018
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Oh yes, you are so right! We are basically in the way right now, and actually part of the problem. Thanks so much Red,
Carol
Comment from RodG
This poem keeps us spellbound, especially when the reader realizes you are writing about the parts of California first devastated by fire and then by massive mudslides. We tremble with the Speaker whose fears are magnified NOW each time it rains. Your description of the rain you LOVED and the slides you now fear is outstanding. You have definitely made free verse your medium. A terrific poem! Rod
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2018
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This poem keeps us spellbound, especially when the reader realizes you are writing about the parts of California first devastated by fire and then by massive mudslides. We tremble with the Speaker whose fears are magnified NOW each time it rains. Your description of the rain you LOVED and the slides you now fear is outstanding. You have definitely made free verse your medium. A terrific poem! Rod
Comment Written 29-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2018
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It's very close to home for me as I live in the area burned in one of the recent fires, although my house survived and we didn't have to evacuate. It was close though! As a meteorologist I have a heightened sense of what storms are coming, how much rain is possible, etc. Thank you so much for your supportive comments, they are much appreciated!
Carol
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My pleasure. This poem is truly memorable. Rod
Comment from Pantygynt
Your part of the world, California, has had more than its fair share of 'weather' and the indirect results of weather over this last year. This poem describes the various types of rain very well and towards the end of this free verse poem it is delightfully personified in a prayer, with a get-out clause that allows for an alternative if the rain is too dense to learn from its past mistakes.
Today here in Wales the rain falls soakingly but unheard and unseen as far as individual drops are concerned. In the Scottish highlands they would call it a soft day, restricting visibility as if one was inside the cloud itself.
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2018
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Your part of the world, California, has had more than its fair share of 'weather' and the indirect results of weather over this last year. This poem describes the various types of rain very well and towards the end of this free verse poem it is delightfully personified in a prayer, with a get-out clause that allows for an alternative if the rain is too dense to learn from its past mistakes.
Today here in Wales the rain falls soakingly but unheard and unseen as far as individual drops are concerned. In the Scottish highlands they would call it a soft day, restricting visibility as if one was inside the cloud itself.
Comment Written 29-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2018
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I have seen rain like you describe, it happened a lot up on the coast of northern California. It does get you soaked, doesn't it. I used to like it as long as I was ready for it.
Thanks for the nice review, much appreciated :))
Carol
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The mistake is to think it isn't raining and to go out inadeqyately clad. It is sometimes refered to as Scotch Mist - but not in Scotland.
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Lol, everyone says Scotch Mist but the Scots...that's funny.
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The official Scottish term is a 'year's.
Comment from Sugarray77
This is beautiful poetry, and since you did not define what the undertones meant, we are at liberty to use our own interpretation. Thank you for a this thought provoking verse full of beauty and grace.
All the best,
Melissa
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2018
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This is beautiful poetry, and since you did not define what the undertones meant, we are at liberty to use our own interpretation. Thank you for a this thought provoking verse full of beauty and grace.
All the best,
Melissa
Comment Written 29-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2018
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I haven't posted in awhile so I forgot about the option to add author notes. I don't mind if people interpret any way they want though :))
Carol
Comment from Miss Sherry
Living in Oregon rain is an integral part of our lives. Personally I love it more than words can say - though being soggy is a side-bar. You must be speaking of flooding, which is a by-product and not a pleasant one. There is a hint of mystery here that intrigues as well as entertains. Great job.
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2018
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Living in Oregon rain is an integral part of our lives. Personally I love it more than words can say - though being soggy is a side-bar. You must be speaking of flooding, which is a by-product and not a pleasant one. There is a hint of mystery here that intrigues as well as entertains. Great job.
Comment Written 29-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2018
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Oh yes, I used to live in coastal Humboldt County so I know all about rain. In southern California, rain is more occasional and often a deluge. After our recent fires the heavy rains are, to be honest, terrifying. Flooding, flash flooding and debris flows...such as that in Montecito last year. Thank you for reading :))
Carol