Comment from lyenochka

Excellent

Yep. That's a story. I was going to ask how many reviews were going to object to the cat and then your ending made it clear which of the murders were considered more heinous. Good luck on the contest.

 Comment Written 11-Nov-2018

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reply by the author on 11-Nov-2018

I did herd a lot about the cat. People seem quite protective of imaginary cats in short stories. Thanks for giving this a look.

Comment from Winslow

Excellent

Dear Bill,

Well I guess that is one way of getting rid of an annoying roommate. (LOL) I found this story going at breakneck speed with abrupt transitions. Most of the time authors tend too be too wordy, but here you could use a few more. Great last line to end it.

Regards,

Winslow

 Comment Written 10-Nov-2018

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reply by the author on 10-Nov-2018

Thanks, Winslow. I tend to write shorter pieces to match attention spans.

reply by Winslow on 10-Nov-2018

Dear Bill,

Are you saying that people here on fanstory have short attention spans? (LOL) Maybe they have been watching to much cable news.

Winslow

Comment from Jim Hirtle

Poor

The prose moves from first person to third awkwardly and without reason. I wanted to find something good to write about this short, but I can't. Instead, Semper Fi and keep on writing Marine.

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 10-Nov-2018

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reply by the author on 10-Nov-2018

Could you point this point of view change out, Jim? I don't see it.

reply by Jim Hirtle on 10-Nov-2018

In the beginning paragraphs you used a first person narrative, 'everything was a distraction here' and 'even this chair'. In the 7th paragraph, lots of action, but with three males the word 'his' became a little confusing.

Comment from judiverse

Excellent

Great title for this. Now, why did Sammy have it in for the cat? Sounds like he's been reading too many Edgar Allan Poe stories. He won't be able to enjoy the fame from his story, if he's to be electrocuted. We'll let you slide for murdering the annoying roommate and his friend, but not for killing the cat. He just couldn't catch a break, it seems. Best of luck in the contest. It's certainly a chiller. judi

 Comment Written 10-Nov-2018

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reply by the author on 10-Nov-2018

Thanks, Judi, for giving this a look. Sammy was likely never writing story of any kind. The cat, mentioned in passing, was a hint to his mental state. With no typewriter, or hands strapped to his 'chair' he still felt he wad writing.

reply by judiverse on 10-Nov-2018

You're very welcome. judi

Comment from Dawn Munro

Excellent

LOL - that's really not nice. I mean that Sammy killed a cat, not, of course, that he killed his annoying roommate and his friend. THAT I understand, having had many roommates in my life... (Muwaaahahaha!)

Fun story, Bill. Best of luck in the horror contest. :))

 Comment Written 10-Nov-2018

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reply by the author on 10-Nov-2018

Thanks, Dawn

reply by Dawn Munro on 10-Nov-2018

You are most welcome. :)

Comment from Y. M. Roger

Excellent

An interesting entry with your usual 'humor + violence' -- and, I agree, now THAT'S a story!! :) :) Thanx for sharing and good luck in the contest! :) Yvette
A few suggestions - employ or ignore as you like. :) ;) ;)

"for awhile -- 'for a while'

"He was typing as fast as he could, but having had to pawn his typewriter made completing them difficult." [How's he typing? Kindof unclear....?]

"as he could, but having had" -- 'as he could, but, since he'd had'

 Comment Written 10-Nov-2018

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reply by the author on 10-Nov-2018

Thanks, Yvette, for giving this a look. Yes, you?re right. I used the adverb instead of the noun ?a while?. The rearranged sentence I might rewrite for clarity. As far as the typewriter goes, I supposed most everyone picked up on the idea that Sammy wasn?t really typing. He starts the story off where he ends, in the electric chair, hands strapped to the chair?s arms. I know I didn?t state it plainly, but I seldom do that. Happy day.

Comment from damommy

Excellent

Fame at last. Good story. Just gruesome enough without being overdone. Walling up the cat was horrible enough. I hope it was dead first. He didn't have time to wall up the roommate and his friend. Still, he got published.

 Comment Written 10-Nov-2018

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reply by the author on 10-Nov-2018

Thanks, da

Comment from Gert sherwood

Excellent

Hi Bill Schott
I read your short horror story, oh with no doubt is was well written and pretty gory
Your very well described and very vivid
Best to you in this contest.
Gert

 Comment Written 10-Nov-2018

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reply by the author on 10-Nov-2018

Thanks, Gert

reply by Gert sherwood on 10-Nov-2018

You are welcome Bill Schott
Gert

Comment from nomi338

Excellent

Ha, ha. It is not surprising for a man to be punished more severely for killing a pet than for killing to people, no matter how annoying they might have been. This was an entertaining story about desperation and the things being desperate can lead to. This is yet another reason I am so glad to be retired.

 Comment Written 10-Nov-2018

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reply by the author on 10-Nov-2018

Thanks, nomi

Comment from Ulla

Excellent

Hi Bill, I can't help but smiling at this macabre story. It was a bit late for him to come up with the perfect story and title. I almost felt sorry for him but only almost. This is a great entry for the contest. Best of luck. All the best. Ulla:))

 Comment Written 10-Nov-2018

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reply by the author on 10-Nov-2018

Thanks, Ulla.