My Alaskan
A fantasy17 total reviews
Comment from Earl Corp
This definitely described a sexual fantasy. There probably should be a warning about sexual content under the language warning. It should be descent down his abdomen instead of decenti have to admit it was an exciting read , never thought of it from the woman's point of view.
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2018
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This definitely described a sexual fantasy. There probably should be a warning about sexual content under the language warning. It should be descent down his abdomen instead of decenti have to admit it was an exciting read , never thought of it from the woman's point of view.
Comment Written 15-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2018
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Earl thank you for the review and I?ve corrected the descent.
Always
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Earl thank you for the review and I?ve corrected the descent.
Always
Comment from tfawcus
Stimulating eroticism in this and, as you, say in your notes, written with rather more class than is usual in this genre. It is the balance between love and lust that makes it so appealing. Just one typo you might want to fix (I continued my decent [descent] over his abdomen).
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2018
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Stimulating eroticism in this and, as you, say in your notes, written with rather more class than is usual in this genre. It is the balance between love and lust that makes it so appealing. Just one typo you might want to fix (I continued my decent [descent] over his abdomen).
Comment Written 15-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2018
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Thank you so much! I?ve become a tad rusty. I?ll correct that right now!
Always
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Thank you so much! I?ve become a tad rusty. I?ll correct that right now!
Always
Comment from BeasPeas
Wow! You've outdone yourself with this graphic lesson in SEX 101 and beyond. Certainly well described throughout. Good luck in the contest with this riveting entry. Marilyn
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2018
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Wow! You've outdone yourself with this graphic lesson in SEX 101 and beyond. Certainly well described throughout. Good luck in the contest with this riveting entry. Marilyn
Comment Written 15-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2018
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Hi M. Thank you so very much for this lovely review.
Always
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Hi M. Thank you so very much for this lovely review.
Always
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
Well this fits the bill in regard to the competition requirements fine.
Some things you may or may not wish to take a look at-
Be careful of over-punctuating, especially the exclamation mark. they should used by sparingly and there's rarely a need to double them up. It really dilutes their impact.
(Phew, deep breath, Melissa! Get your shit together, can't have him picking you up off the Airport floor, can you!!). - if the brackets take place out of the previous sentence then you don't need the punctuation outside here at the end.
It's should be against the law - just It.
We held tightly in our embrace for god only knows how long because frankly Time stood still for us. - watch out for doubling up adverbs in the same sentence (there are more instances). Also, not sure time needs the capitalisation here.
I lean close my lips mere inches - best to insert a comma after close here to prevent the run-on.
Might want to consider some kind of mild warning for sexual stuff - 'engorged member'... / cock - in fact there's a lot of sexualised language and acts in this that require the warning.
Be careful of maintaining the tenses in the sentences, there are some minor fluctuations between present and past.
Sighing his eyes closed and I continued my decent over his abdomen. Nipples hard and erect, I let my tongue brush the tips while my warm breath - this is a little out of sequence. If you're descending over the abdomen you couldn't be licking the nipples - completely the wrong place.
his beautiful(yes I said beautiful) cock- insert a space after beautiful.
if You've never done this then your missing out! - no need for the capitalisation and your should be you're.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2018
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Hi there,
Well this fits the bill in regard to the competition requirements fine.
Some things you may or may not wish to take a look at-
Be careful of over-punctuating, especially the exclamation mark. they should used by sparingly and there's rarely a need to double them up. It really dilutes their impact.
(Phew, deep breath, Melissa! Get your shit together, can't have him picking you up off the Airport floor, can you!!). - if the brackets take place out of the previous sentence then you don't need the punctuation outside here at the end.
It's should be against the law - just It.
We held tightly in our embrace for god only knows how long because frankly Time stood still for us. - watch out for doubling up adverbs in the same sentence (there are more instances). Also, not sure time needs the capitalisation here.
I lean close my lips mere inches - best to insert a comma after close here to prevent the run-on.
Might want to consider some kind of mild warning for sexual stuff - 'engorged member'... / cock - in fact there's a lot of sexualised language and acts in this that require the warning.
Be careful of maintaining the tenses in the sentences, there are some minor fluctuations between present and past.
Sighing his eyes closed and I continued my decent over his abdomen. Nipples hard and erect, I let my tongue brush the tips while my warm breath - this is a little out of sequence. If you're descending over the abdomen you couldn't be licking the nipples - completely the wrong place.
his beautiful(yes I said beautiful) cock- insert a space after beautiful.
if You've never done this then your missing out! - no need for the capitalisation and your should be you're.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 15-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2018
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Thank you. You took a great deal of your time with this review and I appreciate everything you?ve shown me.
Always
Comment from Alexander Vasa
Hello Anon, this is not my type of reading but as a reviewer, the challenge is the ability to review without bias, so here goes, lol
I do think this fantasy is a bit stereotypical, but you write very well and descriptively and in a short amount of words, you set a scene, complicate it by making us wonder if they still share that amazing attraction, and then you resolve it. Well done, I see these short works where the writer thinks they don't need a complication and it becomes a set of statements and that's boring. You avoided that because it does need a complication just as much as a 400-page novel does.
I do think this could be a six-star rating if you made their reunion not so plain sailing, maybe he has a big ugly scar since they last met or something, lol. Just a thought, but I do think it meets all the requirements for the competition and best of luck.
Thanks for sharing your writing, and it is a work I would recommend to other readers for review, cheers, Anastasia.
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2018
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Hello Anon, this is not my type of reading but as a reviewer, the challenge is the ability to review without bias, so here goes, lol
I do think this fantasy is a bit stereotypical, but you write very well and descriptively and in a short amount of words, you set a scene, complicate it by making us wonder if they still share that amazing attraction, and then you resolve it. Well done, I see these short works where the writer thinks they don't need a complication and it becomes a set of statements and that's boring. You avoided that because it does need a complication just as much as a 400-page novel does.
I do think this could be a six-star rating if you made their reunion not so plain sailing, maybe he has a big ugly scar since they last met or something, lol. Just a thought, but I do think it meets all the requirements for the competition and best of luck.
Thanks for sharing your writing, and it is a work I would recommend to other readers for review, cheers, Anastasia.
Comment Written 15-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2018
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Thank you for taking the time to not just but leave me a review.
I tried to make it known in the first paragraph that this was their first meeting.
Again
, I thank you.
Always
Comment from country ranch writer
Men all wish this to happen to them some get it and some don't some come up empty-handed. A GOOD PRESENTATION FOR ADULT ENTERTAINMENT.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2018
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Men all wish this to happen to them some get it and some don't some come up empty-handed. A GOOD PRESENTATION FOR ADULT ENTERTAINMENT.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 15-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2018
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Thank you sir/ma?am.
I?m happy you decided to not only read but leave a review :)
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smiles
Comment from Rickie1
It started out warm and slow but the heat and pace picked up. I'm a little shocked I continued to read on. As I came closer to the end I wanted to stop reading but I couldn't.
I remember being you and on fire with passion. I really can't say anything more.
Started as a five finished a six.
Rickie
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2018
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It started out warm and slow but the heat and pace picked up. I'm a little shocked I continued to read on. As I came closer to the end I wanted to stop reading but I couldn't.
I remember being you and on fire with passion. I really can't say anything more.
Started as a five finished a six.
Rickie
Comment Written 14-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2018
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I?m delighted you pushed through to the end, Rickie1.
Thank you so much for the lovely review and the glitter of a much sought after 6.
Always