While I was sleeping
Nocturnal happenings33 total reviews
Comment from lyenochka
It's so true, isn't it? So much tragedy and difficulties are in the world. We hear it every time we turn on the news. It very well can happen while we are sleeping in another part of the world.
Good use of repetition ("While I was sleeping"). You could have gone in many directions with this, from advocating action to feeling guilty for the ability to sleep. However, you state what most of us do, feel thankful that we can sleep and know these things are out of our control But we can pray for these situations.
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2018
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It's so true, isn't it? So much tragedy and difficulties are in the world. We hear it every time we turn on the news. It very well can happen while we are sleeping in another part of the world.
Good use of repetition ("While I was sleeping"). You could have gone in many directions with this, from advocating action to feeling guilty for the ability to sleep. However, you state what most of us do, feel thankful that we can sleep and know these things are out of our control But we can pray for these situations.
Comment Written 31-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2018
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You pretty well summed it up perfectly lyenochka Thank you for reviewing my work as always.
dip
Comment from mvbrooks
This poem evokes a sense of loss and sadness and the end lines suggest that sleep is an escape from the things we/the poet doesn't want to see. The pacing is even and the first person narrative quickly draws the reader in.
A suggestion -- all of the poem except one line is in the past-tense--shouldn't this line be past-tense as well?
"While I was sleeping
You walked the lonely streets of life
For you are homeless"
(change "are homeless" to "were homeless" to match "was sleeping" and "you walked".
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2017
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This poem evokes a sense of loss and sadness and the end lines suggest that sleep is an escape from the things we/the poet doesn't want to see. The pacing is even and the first person narrative quickly draws the reader in.
A suggestion -- all of the poem except one line is in the past-tense--shouldn't this line be past-tense as well?
"While I was sleeping
You walked the lonely streets of life
For you are homeless"
(change "are homeless" to "were homeless" to match "was sleeping" and "you walked".
Comment Written 31-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2017
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hmm I actually see the line different I talking about waking up and while I was sleeping these things are happening because we do have night and day throughout different parts of the world at the same time so there is these homeless people walking streets be it on the other side of the globe who are homeless.
Thanks so much for the great review.
dip
Comment from flylikeaneagle
Dr. Dip: while I was sleeping the world was awake. We can see
what is happening in our homes with the newscasts. Sometimes,
we can make a difference by feeding the homeless. We can collect
shoes for those without shoes. It starts with an idea to snowball.
You bring up good points. Happy New Year. flylikeaneagle - nancy
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2017
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Dr. Dip: while I was sleeping the world was awake. We can see
what is happening in our homes with the newscasts. Sometimes,
we can make a difference by feeding the homeless. We can collect
shoes for those without shoes. It starts with an idea to snowball.
You bring up good points. Happy New Year. flylikeaneagle - nancy
Comment Written 31-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2017
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Thank you so much F I am glad you see my point of view in my poem.
dip
Comment from l.raven
HI Waves, I think about so many of these things myself my friend...I bet a lot will relate to this poem...it seems sleep is where you can only seek peace these days...sigh...lets hope this will be a better year...I pray for it...very well written Waves...always...Love Linda xxoo
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2017
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HI Waves, I think about so many of these things myself my friend...I bet a lot will relate to this poem...it seems sleep is where you can only seek peace these days...sigh...lets hope this will be a better year...I pray for it...very well written Waves...always...Love Linda xxoo
Comment Written 31-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2017
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Thanks as always Linda much appreciated
dip
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your so welcome ...love xxoo
Comment from Joan E.
I salute your stretching your wings and admire your thought-provoking reflections about this "world of uncertainty". Your repeats add to the intensity of the piece. Here's to better dreams in 2018- Joan
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2017
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I salute your stretching your wings and admire your thought-provoking reflections about this "world of uncertainty". Your repeats add to the intensity of the piece. Here's to better dreams in 2018- Joan
Comment Written 31-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2017
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Thank you so much Joan I am glad you liked it
dip
Comment from mermaids
You have an interesting theme in your poem. Much is happening in other parts of the world while we sleep. Excellent free verse that captures thoughts and feelings about what might be happening while we sleep.
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2017
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You have an interesting theme in your poem. Much is happening in other parts of the world while we sleep. Excellent free verse that captures thoughts and feelings about what might be happening while we sleep.
Comment Written 31-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2017
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Thank you so much mermaids much appreciated
dip
Comment from Jesse James Doty
Outstanding poem for us to contemplate as we face a new day, a new year. Your heartfelt words were a breath of fresh air. Your descriptions of the world around you were well written. You may have been outside of your comfort zone with this poem, but it didn't show at all. I especially like the ending line, where you bring it back home, to the healing peace of sleep. I am so glad I read this today. It puts into perspective, what is going on around us, and what is important in our own lives. Thanks for sharing this wonderful poem. Have a meaningful New Year!
Take care, Jesse
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2017
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Outstanding poem for us to contemplate as we face a new day, a new year. Your heartfelt words were a breath of fresh air. Your descriptions of the world around you were well written. You may have been outside of your comfort zone with this poem, but it didn't show at all. I especially like the ending line, where you bring it back home, to the healing peace of sleep. I am so glad I read this today. It puts into perspective, what is going on around us, and what is important in our own lives. Thanks for sharing this wonderful poem. Have a meaningful New Year!
Take care, Jesse
Comment Written 31-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2017
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That is a wonderful review Jesse and I sincerely appreciate the 6 thank you.
Its been a fun 2017 for me and I hope to continue my poetry into 2018.
dip
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You're welcome. Good luck in 2018.
Comment from afraazsidhu
I liked your sublime poetry woven in simple words, so apt for our times. It is particularly difficult to create poetry out of simple words and you have this special talent.
Sir, I wish I could write like you.
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2017
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I liked your sublime poetry woven in simple words, so apt for our times. It is particularly difficult to create poetry out of simple words and you have this special talent.
Sir, I wish I could write like you.
Comment Written 31-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2017
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Wow that is such a wonderful thing to say I really appreciate it.
dip
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I was talking with my 85 year old mother yesterday, we talk often, but this time the subject was exactly what you described in your poem. The horrible state our world is in. It's not good. Thank you for sharing your pondering.
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2017
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I was talking with my 85 year old mother yesterday, we talk often, but this time the subject was exactly what you described in your poem. The horrible state our world is in. It's not good. Thank you for sharing your pondering.
Comment Written 31-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2017
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Thank you so much Barbara much appreciated its good to see her so alert at 85 you are a lucky daughter to have your Mum
dip
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
You did step out of your comfort zone but please let me be honest, it flowed with questions and observations that demanded attention
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2017
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You did step out of your comfort zone but please let me be honest, it flowed with questions and observations that demanded attention
Comment Written 31-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2017
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Thank you so much Barb always appreciate your supportive comments
dip