Miscellaneous stories
Viewing comments for Chapter 14 "A long way from Durham Town"Fiction and non-fiction prose
15 total reviews
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
Oh my gosh I wish I had a six to reward your amazing ingenuity! This is utterly superb and I was hooked to every word. I once lived in Durham and am a Geordie myself. The amount of tension in this, the marvellous details, it was absolutely amazing and it definitely deserves a six where are the pesky things on a tuesday....brilliant work well done kindest regards Meia xx
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2017
  |
Oh my gosh I wish I had a six to reward your amazing ingenuity! This is utterly superb and I was hooked to every word. I once lived in Durham and am a Geordie myself. The amount of tension in this, the marvellous details, it was absolutely amazing and it definitely deserves a six where are the pesky things on a tuesday....brilliant work well done kindest regards Meia xx
Comment Written 31-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2017
-
Thank you very much for the lovely comments, and the virtual sixer. I'm much further from Durham than the people in the story, but I have been there once, a very long time ago. Charming place, I thought. Much appreciated, Meia.
Comment from humpwhistle
Ah, I didn't know the prompt. Still, my suggestion holds.
I like your brave heroine, and I like your surprise ending.
Peace, Lee
of a boot in the small of her back. She tried to move, but the pressure in her back increased, and a gruff voice reached her ears.-- I wonder if 'on' is more appropriate than 'in' both times?
"Don't be like that -- you might like it." Matthew's mocking tone filled her with rage, but she maintained her composure. "Oh, it's not that."--are there two speakers in this paragraph?
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2017
|
Ah, I didn't know the prompt. Still, my suggestion holds.
I like your brave heroine, and I like your surprise ending.
Peace, Lee
of a boot in the small of her back. She tried to move, but the pressure in her back increased, and a gruff voice reached her ears.-- I wonder if 'on' is more appropriate than 'in' both times?
"Don't be like that -- you might like it." Matthew's mocking tone filled her with rage, but she maintained her composure. "Oh, it's not that."--are there two speakers in this paragraph?
Comment Written 31-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2017
-
I had thought the same about the first paragraph, but decided to keep it. Now, after your comment, I think I'll change it after all. Thanks for the suggestion. Also, thanks for picking up the missing new paragraph.Much appreciated.
Comment from Sharon Haiste
A well written story about a tragic situation. War of any kind changes the lives of many and takes the lives of many more.
This tells a clear story, well described and believable.
Well done.
Sharon
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2017
|
A well written story about a tragic situation. War of any kind changes the lives of many and takes the lives of many more.
This tells a clear story, well described and believable.
Well done.
Sharon
Comment Written 31-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2017
-
Thanks very much for the kind comments, Sharon.
Comment from giraffmang
drawing a blood-curdling shriek - bloodcurdling can be one word.
"Cut, the crap, shit-for-brains - not sure you need the first comma here.
I sort of got the impression that the hand at the start had recently been shot off, but there's no mention in the following about staunching the bleeding or anything.
Very nice piece, my friend.
Taut tension and the interactions between the two were great.
All the best
G
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2017
|
drawing a blood-curdling shriek - bloodcurdling can be one word.
"Cut, the crap, shit-for-brains - not sure you need the first comma here.
I sort of got the impression that the hand at the start had recently been shot off, but there's no mention in the following about staunching the bleeding or anything.
Very nice piece, my friend.
Taut tension and the interactions between the two were great.
All the best
G
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 31-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2017
-
Thanks for the suggestions, G. Received and implemented. I tossed up whether I wanted to invest words in explaining the hand thing. In the end, I decided not to, but I'll look at it again. Cheers.
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This speaks about a terrorist operational act, even the militants were not aware of the explosion; enemies in human enemies; it was too late to save life; I liked.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2017
|
This speaks about a terrorist operational act, even the militants were not aware of the explosion; enemies in human enemies; it was too late to save life; I liked.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 31-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2017
-
Thank you for reviewing.