Comment from sandy montgomery

Exceptional

Well this was awesome. What did I like about it: every word and nuance. It was a smooth and entetaining read from beginning to end. What I didn't like: nothing. Nothing about this was anything but delightful. Suggestions? Write more like this? Anyway a well earned six star piece. Thank you for sharing your work.

 Comment Written 11-Dec-2016

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reply by the author on 11-Dec-2016

Thanks SO much, Sandy, what a wonderful review! It brings a big smile to my face. I love writing these kinds of poems, and I will certainly do more. :))
Carol

Comment from robyn corum

Excellent

So many of your poems leave me scratching my head. I cannot figure out how you got all the brains here. While the rest of us are just doing the best we can, you're churning out Shakespeare. UGH. Yes, I liked it. *smile*

 Comment Written 11-Dec-2016

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reply by the author on 11-Dec-2016

Thank you, Robyn, I just love the Celtic mythology more than anything, and this is what comes out. I can't help it! Lol :))

Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca

Excellent

I totally admire this style and anyone who can do it and ;you did it very well.
I love the alternating verses that just seem to fly in the rhyming scheme. this is very well done and quite a story. thank you for the notes to help explain. I appreciate them

 Comment Written 11-Dec-2016

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reply by the author on 11-Dec-2016

Thanks for reading, Barb, yes the notes are necessary for those who don't know the backstory. It's fun to read about, for me at least :))
Carol

Comment from nancy_e_davis

Exceptional

Very interesting Carol. I really like your story and I can see how it came to be. Born of the Celtic imagination. One thing when I read the word 'roe' I immediately thought of fish eggs. Maybe you could substitute or add deer in that line.
Well done. Great poetry! Nancy

 Comment Written 11-Dec-2016

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reply by the author on 11-Dec-2016

I know, the fish eggs...I will change that to "roe deer". Thanks, Nancy!! I really appreciate this :))
Happy Yuletide!
Carol

Comment from Pantygynt

Exceptional

A Pantygynt for Christmas, wow! This is gorgeous and as I was reading it it sang to me so I recorded it for you and sent it back with a sound file by email.

I recommend the changing of just one word in cylcle 2 line three to read,

"he'll feast on roe deer roasted brown," Just in case anyone listening without the benefit of the notes thinks they're gobbling up herring roe. Lol.

Thank you, thank you, thank you, for making my Christmas dream come true with this.

 Comment Written 11-Dec-2016

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reply by the author on 11-Dec-2016

Thanks again, my dear, I figured you would like this one. I pondered using the Awdl Gwydd form, but decided to stick with the more lyrical Pantygynt form. Honestly, I think it's the best form for lyrical storytelling, and it is one of my all-time favorite forms - if not my VERY favorite.
Your point re. the roe is well taken, although to be honest, I think he'd be happy to feast on herring roe after he'd finished the venison :))

Thank YOU for the lovely review, and your kind support of my poetry. Happy Yuletide!

reply by Pantygynt on 11-Dec-2016

Check your email for the sound file song of it.

Comment from Mastery

Exceptional

Hi, Carol. Thank you for this different poem on the "Holly KIng" I am glad you take the time to explain the background behind this annual story. I have a limited knowledge of Celtic lore and history. Well written and explained. Blessings and Happy Holidays to you and yours. Bob

 Comment Written 11-Dec-2016

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reply by the author on 11-Dec-2016

Thank you so much for the fantastic review, Bob. I love the Celtic lore and have learned so much through researching and writing - it's one of my very favorite things.
Happy Yuletide to you and yours!!
Carol

Comment from dragonpoet

Excellent

This is a nicely done poetic version of nature's yearly fight. The changing of the seasons is well personified.

This fits well with my reading as of late. I am reading "The Once and Future King"
and also reading the Encyclopedia of Mythology.

Keep writing

dragonpoet

 Comment Written 11-Dec-2016

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reply by the author on 11-Dec-2016

I LOVE the Once and Future King!! I think I've read it five times, and still have my old copy from my childhood. I read the first "book" about Wart a few times before venturing on to the stronger stuff in the rest of the book. I may have to check out that Encyclopedia too.
Thanks!
Carol

reply by dragonpoet on 11-Dec-2016

I am enjoying both books. Glad I found a book to share.

You're welcome for the review.

dp

Comment from royowen

Excellent

A beautifully manicured work, as someone who prefers the rhythmic poem, this one is skilfully crafted and deftly worded to accomadate the necessary smoothness of the work, well done, Carol, beautifully written blessings, Roy

 Comment Written 11-Dec-2016

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reply by the author on 11-Dec-2016

Thanks so much, Roy :))
Carol

reply by royowen on 12-Dec-2016

Most welcome

Comment from rama devi

Excellent

I love when you write in Celtic vein. Your love for that culture shines through the lines. This is well voiced with fine flow and rhyming in good narrative story-style.

Love the clever phonetics, like the near rhyme assonance of mossy and lofty and then the echo with lofty and lonely too. Well done!

Love the medley of F sounds here in both these stanzas, which I immensely enjoyed reading aloud:

He shifts aside his leafy door
to taste the frost and flakes of hoar;
proclaims his joy with mighty roar

that echoes through the fens.

The forest folk will gather 'round
and tend to all his needs;
he'll feast on roe that's roasted brown,
drink deep of honeyed meads.

And another F plus abundance of B sounds here chose nicely as well:

He fought a battle, head to head
with Oak, and greenest blood was bled,
but crown him now with berries red!


great one line stanza (also echoing an f):
He's fit for kingly deeds.

One suggestion:

Old Holly rules the time of snows,
of winter wind and chill(;)
in stature and in strength he grows
when all the world is still.


Another optional suggestion:

For(,) on the solstice, powers shift,

Superb medley of H and F sounds here:

The wheel of life must spin and fly,
held fast beneath this icy sky,
and hailed by hallowed song and cry

as snow turns into rain.


Wonderful work. Written with finesse.

Bravo

Love,
rd

 Comment Written 11-Dec-2016

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reply by the author on 14-Dec-2016

Thank you so much, dear, and sorry it takes me so long to get through all my reviews. It's quite time consuming between writing, reading enough to be able to post, and then answering reviews. I love it, but work calls as well, lol.

Are you in Florida now? I hope you're recovering from your jet lag!
love,
C

reply by rama devi on 15-Dec-2016

thank you. Yes...in Florida. Woke up at 3 am, so still jet lagging but it is getting better. Fanstory is a time vortex...and I need a break soon! LOL Work calls! But I cannot do the professional editing when brain is fuzzy, so I am reviewing here as a warm-up exercise! HA HA HA


Love,
rd

reply by the author on 15-Dec-2016

Lol, fanstory as a warm-up exercise, very nice! Take care of yourself...

reply by rama devi on 16-Dec-2016

You too! ;-)))

Comment from Margaret Ford

Exceptional

This is masterfully written, truly beautiful. I love these traditional verses, with so much attention to meter and rhyme. And this one has a wonderful mythic story. I hope this will be published in a chapbook, or perhaps a larger book of poetry. It's really grand. Margaret

 Comment Written 11-Dec-2016

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reply by the author on 12-Dec-2016

Thank you so much, I like the traditional stuff as well. I appreciate your very nice review!

Carol