Comment from Ulla

Excellent

Hi Mikey, This is a great beginning to a longer story, which I would like to read. It was the last line that make me take the bait. What does she owe him? Great stuff. All the best. Ulla:))

 Comment Written 18-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 15-Aug-2016

Thanks for the great input and your thoughts. A lot of fact mixed in here. Sorry to be so late with this response, I do appreciate your time in reviewing. Thanks a million. mikey :))

Comment from Nika2016

Excellent

Love the photo and the story and the last line is gold...smile.
Remember that feeling of infatuation and how it made high school fun, instead of the snake pit it was?
Nice writing...
xxxxxxx

 Comment Written 18-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 15-Aug-2016

Sometimes that feeling never goes away and you find thirty years later that it was the real deal. For the sake of the story anyway. LOL mikey

Comment from Pearl Edwards

Excellent

I love your descriptions in the opening paragraph, you really do go back into the 'ultra-cool' persona of a 15 year old boy. A good start mikey and your final lines could lead into who knows what.
Good start,
cheers,
valda.

 Comment Written 17-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 15-Aug-2016

Thanks for the great input and your thoughts. A lot of fact mixed in here. Sorry to be so late with this response, I do appreciate your time in reviewing. Thanks a million. mikey :))

Comment from Jannypan (Jan)

Excellent

Michael,
I enjoyed your story starter. Your few paragraphs set up a great story to come with interesting characters who have 30 years of catching to do. So much has happened in those years, that you will have a difficult time deciding what to include or leave out. That should make for an interesting future story. Everyone wants to know why she was looking for him and said 'she owed me.'

Good job & thanks for sharing. Jan

 Comment Written 17-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 15-Aug-2016

Thanks for the great input and your thoughts. A lot of fact mixed in here. Sorry to be so late with this response, I do appreciate your time in reviewing. Thanks a million. mikey :))

Comment from Gloria ....

Excellent

Ah yes a most interesting beginning to a longer story or perhaps a novel. The last line is what clinches it for me because the words, she owed me, could be either positive or negative. It has an ominous tone to it, but either way thirty years has passed and both of them would've lived many experiences in that amount of time.

Great job, Mav. You have a nice conversation style of writing that immediately reaches your reader on a personal level.

I look forward to more from this couple. Excellent offering to the Prose Potlatch.

Ange

 Comment Written 17-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 15-Aug-2016

Thanks, Ange. The line leaves it open for me too. I had a couple avenues in mind when I wrote that line. Not sure which to pursue. There's an actual one and then there's possibly a more entertaining one that I might dream up. That's nice to hear about my style. That gives me a little hope I might be able to learn more about the craft and do something with it. Thanks for your always encouraging words and insights. You're lovely. Mav

Comment from lancellot

Excellent

A very interesting accounting. The last line did give me pause though.

I called her thirty years later. She'd been looking for me it turns out. She owed me, she said.


It may be hard to believe that he would even have her number thirty years later or that she was looking for him too.

 Comment Written 17-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 15-Aug-2016

Yet, it's absolutely true. This is based partially on fact and that particular aspect is fact. Not sure though if the factual story would be as entertaining as whatever fiction I might dream up. mikey

Comment from Phyllis Stewart

Excellent

Sounds like a great story, Mikwy. What did she owe you? Had she been thinking of you all that time? Was it too late to marry your high school sweetheart? Can always count on you to write something with romantic potential. LOL! :)

 Comment Written 17-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 15-Aug-2016

Well, it's partially based on fact, but a fictional turn might be more entertaining. I'll have to think about it. Too late? Well, I'm still kicking. HAHAHA! mikey

Comment from barkingdog

Excellent

Looking up our early crushes, steadies or lovers is a common thing these days with Facebook and all of the other search sights.
I could see this happening.
I wonder what she meant by she owed him?

Intriguing.

:) ellen

 Comment Written 17-Jul-2016

Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell

Excellent

That was excellent, Mikey, and so sad. You didn't follow your heart, and dated another girl and lost the love of your life. (fiction or truth?) I've read a couple of these already and will look for some more. I do enjoy these prompts but haven't had any time lately to write much. Well done, my friend, you did a great job as usual.:) Sandra

 Comment Written 17-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 15-Aug-2016

Part of this is truth. :)) Thanks for the great input and your thoughts. A lot of fact mixed in here. Sorry to be so late with this response, I do appreciate your time in reviewing. Thanks a million. mikey :))

Comment from tfawcus

Excellent

Those last five words are a most tempting hook, luring your reader forward into the rest of the story! The whole concept of paths not taken in our lives is fertile ground for storytelling. One wants to find out what actually happened and set it beside the meanderings of our imagination in the intervening years.

 Comment Written 17-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 15-Aug-2016

Thanks for the great input and your thoughts. A lot of fact mixed in here. Sorry to be so late with this response, I do appreciate your time in reviewing. Thanks a million. mikey :))