A Book of Love
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "If I Could"Assorted poems of love
33 total reviews
Comment from Ric Myworld
I found myself just sitting, listening to the beautiful "Have You Ever," and even when the music stopped it kept playing over and over again in my melancholy mind. Thinking back, remembering when . . . and wondering. Thanks for another fine poem. :-)
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2018
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I found myself just sitting, listening to the beautiful "Have You Ever," and even when the music stopped it kept playing over and over again in my melancholy mind. Thinking back, remembering when . . . and wondering. Thanks for another fine poem. :-)
Comment Written 07-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2018
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Blessings to you for your review and your patience while it took so long to respond.
Always
Justafan
Missy
Comment from William Ross
This is good and it is usually the soul that won't take no for an answer,the last to heal besides the heart nice write and great thought. have a wonderful day
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2018
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This is good and it is usually the soul that won't take no for an answer,the last to heal besides the heart nice write and great thought. have a wonderful day
Comment Written 07-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2018
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Blessings to you for your review and your patience while it took so long to respond.
Always
Justafan
Missy
Comment from mfowler
This is a really good idea and your word choices are really suited to the evocation of emotional response. The lover is disturbed by the partner's rejection but can't believe it. The use of repetition gives the poem a greater rhythmic quality but I think you could improve the feel of this with some tinkering. Your uses of ellipses after the 'If I could tell' breaks a perfect line of thought and distracts from the power of the ...I can't. I'd also remove 'but' from the second and third lines to make it grammatically compatible. I've also tinkered with the ending to get a better flow.
I tried not to do this, but you know me well by now
....and I can't. (LOL)
Let me offer this suggestion. See what you think.
If I could tell you
just how many times
I've looked to see if you had left a
message
...But I can't
If I could tell you
how many times
your face has crossed my mind,
my heart
...I can't
If I could tell you
how I long to hear your voice
whispering my name
...I can't
You've made it very clear
I'm not wanted
or needed
NOW
if I can just get my Soul
...to believe it.
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2018
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This is a really good idea and your word choices are really suited to the evocation of emotional response. The lover is disturbed by the partner's rejection but can't believe it. The use of repetition gives the poem a greater rhythmic quality but I think you could improve the feel of this with some tinkering. Your uses of ellipses after the 'If I could tell' breaks a perfect line of thought and distracts from the power of the ...I can't. I'd also remove 'but' from the second and third lines to make it grammatically compatible. I've also tinkered with the ending to get a better flow.
I tried not to do this, but you know me well by now
....and I can't. (LOL)
Let me offer this suggestion. See what you think.
If I could tell you
just how many times
I've looked to see if you had left a
message
...But I can't
If I could tell you
how many times
your face has crossed my mind,
my heart
...I can't
If I could tell you
how I long to hear your voice
whispering my name
...I can't
You've made it very clear
I'm not wanted
or needed
NOW
if I can just get my Soul
...to believe it.
Comment Written 07-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2018
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Blessings to you for your review and your patience while it took so long to respond.
Always
Justafan
Missy
Comment from MelB
A very deep and heartfelt poem. The wounds from rejection sting so much and are the worst wounds to overcome. I'm glad this is not autobiographical, but it is believable enough to be!
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2018
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A very deep and heartfelt poem. The wounds from rejection sting so much and are the worst wounds to overcome. I'm glad this is not autobiographical, but it is believable enough to be!
Comment Written 06-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2018
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Blessings to you for your review and your patience while it took so long to respond.
Always
Justafan
Missy
Comment from flylikeaneagle
Justafan: I hope that this touches hearts and fills them with joy. You loved and lost, many have. My daughter would sit on a chair and cry... now, she hangs out with other girls that were abused by guys. I think they have more fun just enjoying life. Move on and enjoy life!!! flylikeaneagle
Great poem, photo and music. Well presented! Awesome!
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2018
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Justafan: I hope that this touches hearts and fills them with joy. You loved and lost, many have. My daughter would sit on a chair and cry... now, she hangs out with other girls that were abused by guys. I think they have more fun just enjoying life. Move on and enjoy life!!! flylikeaneagle
Great poem, photo and music. Well presented! Awesome!
Comment Written 06-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2018
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Blessings to you for your review and your patience while it took so long to respond.
Always
Justafan
Missy
Comment from Teri7
This is a very good heartfelt poem you have penned. It made me a little sad reading it. You used very good descriptive wording and very good imagery. hugs, Teri
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2018
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This is a very good heartfelt poem you have penned. It made me a little sad reading it. You used very good descriptive wording and very good imagery. hugs, Teri
Comment Written 06-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2018
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Blessings to you for your review and your patience while it took so long to respond.
Always
Justafan
Missy
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you are so welcome Missy. I am slow responding at times too! Have a great night!
Comment from Bill O'Bier
I think you did an outstanding job with this poem. Excellent use of words and music. The photo provides a great theme and backdrop. Give us a follow up piece soon!!
Wishing you all the best--
Bill
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2018
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I think you did an outstanding job with this poem. Excellent use of words and music. The photo provides a great theme and backdrop. Give us a follow up piece soon!!
Wishing you all the best--
Bill
Comment Written 06-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2018
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Blessings to you for your review and your patience while it took so long to respond.
Always
Justafan
Missy
Comment from Jay Squires
Ohhhhhhhh, Missy. You just have to get over me. LOL, I shouldn't joke about your being "a little lost." That's a very real problem and you are too young and purty to have that problem. Get better, girl.
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2016
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Ohhhhhhhh, Missy. You just have to get over me. LOL, I shouldn't joke about your being "a little lost." That's a very real problem and you are too young and purty to have that problem. Get better, girl.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2016
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Can't, Jay!! You're down deep!! 😊
Thank you, sweetie!! Love ya!!
Missy
Comment from bichonfrisegirl
Nothing worse than still loving someone, but they don't reciprocate the same feelings. It's a tough spot to be in. Your poem aptly conveys this to the reader. Excellent choice of artwork to complement your write. The repetition of "you've made it very clear" drives home the message that she knows its over, but her heart still has trouble accepting it.
Connie
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2018
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Nothing worse than still loving someone, but they don't reciprocate the same feelings. It's a tough spot to be in. Your poem aptly conveys this to the reader. Excellent choice of artwork to complement your write. The repetition of "you've made it very clear" drives home the message that she knows its over, but her heart still has trouble accepting it.
Connie
Comment Written 06-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2018
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Blessings to you for your review and your patience while it took so long to respond.
Always
Justafan
Missy
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No problem, Missy. Don't give it a second thought. I'm the queen of late responses. There's only so much time in the day to do everything we want to do. :)
Hugs,
Connie
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi, Missy
= You know, there are those days and then there's days ... the just suck!
= I like the way this is worded. Very emotional.
= Excellent write, my friend.
= Please feel better soon, Lovely Southern Lady.
(*<*) A Smile Is A Frown Turned Upside-Down (*>*)
Cheers & Blessings ... Jacqueline ~ Jackie ~ Jax
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2018
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Hi, Missy
= You know, there are those days and then there's days ... the just suck!
= I like the way this is worded. Very emotional.
= Excellent write, my friend.
= Please feel better soon, Lovely Southern Lady.
(*<*) A Smile Is A Frown Turned Upside-Down (*>*)
Cheers & Blessings ... Jacqueline ~ Jackie ~ Jax
Comment Written 06-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2018
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Blessings to you for your review and your patience while it took so long to respond.
Always
Justafan
Missy