Falling Off The Edge
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "Falling Off The Edge - Part Seven"A true story
37 total reviews
Comment from jusylee72
This is all interesting. It is well written and holds my attention. So you were adopted, I guess I will have to find the first parts to get the rest of the story. Seems like I have a lot to learn about you.
reply by the author on 03-May-2016
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This is all interesting. It is well written and holds my attention. So you were adopted, I guess I will have to find the first parts to get the rest of the story. Seems like I have a lot to learn about you.
Comment Written 02-May-2016
reply by the author on 03-May-2016
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Thanks a lot, jusylee, for this fine review. Yes, like all of us I have a lot to tell. All the best
Comment from Dawn Munro
As always, my friend, you have managed to make this biographical nonfiction exciting and entertaining - I almost feel as if I am experiencing this whole venture with you as I read. Very, very well done, and polished - not a "t" left uncrossed. :))
reply by the author on 02-May-2016
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As always, my friend, you have managed to make this biographical nonfiction exciting and entertaining - I almost feel as if I am experiencing this whole venture with you as I read. Very, very well done, and polished - not a "t" left uncrossed. :))
Comment Written 01-May-2016
reply by the author on 02-May-2016
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Dawn, you've made my day. I don't know if you realise what this means to me. Thanks ever so much. All the best. Ulla:)))
Comment from Ima L. Ami
I really enjoyed reading this story and will be looking forward to more. I found a few errors that I noted below. If you correct these and let me know, I will change this to 5 stars.
I was leaving the church after the sevice,
---"service"
mother's lawyer and, as I was adopted before the end of 1954 I was not
---You need a comma after "1954"
John, my partner at the time was away
---comma after "time"
equipped with food, and while I tossed up a hearty salad,
---the first comma should come after "and" in this instance.
I was not in the mood speaking to him.
---"...mood TO (or to be) speak(ing) to him"
the school, and yes, Tommy gave
---comma after "and" in this instance
adoptive mothers' obituary."
---I'm not sure, but I think this should be "mother's"
Why would the commas go after "and" in the two instances above, you might ask. The reason is that these instances follow a different rule.
If a portion of a sentence can be completely removed, and you are left with a complete sentence, a comma should come before the phrase and after.
Take the sentence I just wrote. I can say, If a portion of a sentence can be completely removed a comma should come before the phrase and after. If you apply that theory to the "ands" I pointed out, you will see why those are different.
Ordinarily, when you are linking to full thoughts together using"and", the comma would come before.
The same rule holds true for the comma after "1954".
If you don't want me to point out these types of errors, just let me know. I won't get offended, or upset.
reply by the author on 02-May-2016
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I really enjoyed reading this story and will be looking forward to more. I found a few errors that I noted below. If you correct these and let me know, I will change this to 5 stars.
I was leaving the church after the sevice,
---"service"
mother's lawyer and, as I was adopted before the end of 1954 I was not
---You need a comma after "1954"
John, my partner at the time was away
---comma after "time"
equipped with food, and while I tossed up a hearty salad,
---the first comma should come after "and" in this instance.
I was not in the mood speaking to him.
---"...mood TO (or to be) speak(ing) to him"
the school, and yes, Tommy gave
---comma after "and" in this instance
adoptive mothers' obituary."
---I'm not sure, but I think this should be "mother's"
Why would the commas go after "and" in the two instances above, you might ask. The reason is that these instances follow a different rule.
If a portion of a sentence can be completely removed, and you are left with a complete sentence, a comma should come before the phrase and after.
Take the sentence I just wrote. I can say, If a portion of a sentence can be completely removed a comma should come before the phrase and after. If you apply that theory to the "ands" I pointed out, you will see why those are different.
Ordinarily, when you are linking to full thoughts together using"and", the comma would come before.
The same rule holds true for the comma after "1954".
If you don't want me to point out these types of errors, just let me know. I won't get offended, or upset.
Comment Written 01-May-2016
reply by the author on 02-May-2016
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Hi suziswiz, thank you for this thorough review. I have made all the corrections, and apart from a couple of silly spelling mistakes it is mainly a comma issue. I'm not making excuses, but, as English is not my first language I do struggle with the commas.I can assure you though, I have improved with all the help I have received her on FS, but always get some of them wrong. I would of course be grateful if you raised this to a five as promised. All the best. Ulla:)
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5 Stars it is!
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Thanks a lot, much appreciated. Ulla:))
Comment from Wabigoon
Ulla--
Hi. Nice update here. Poor John! Instead you get Grethe. What a pleasant surprise.
Here are a couple of problems, maybe language:
In that instan(ce) the phone's chilling ring brought me out my reverie. -- instant
I was not in the mood speak(ing) to him. -- to speak to him.
Thanks, enjoyed it. Now you're in spain sailing and enjoying festivals!
Best
Jeff
reply by the author on 02-May-2016
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Ulla--
Hi. Nice update here. Poor John! Instead you get Grethe. What a pleasant surprise.
Here are a couple of problems, maybe language:
In that instan(ce) the phone's chilling ring brought me out my reverie. -- instant
I was not in the mood speak(ing) to him. -- to speak to him.
Thanks, enjoyed it. Now you're in spain sailing and enjoying festivals!
Best
Jeff
Comment Written 01-May-2016
reply by the author on 02-May-2016
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Hi Jeff, Thanks very much and I've made the changes. I do think it comes down to language , but that's no excuse. I'm working so hard to get it right. Your feed back means a lot to me. All the best. Ulla:)))
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
I'm going to have to go back and catch up, Ulla. It looks like you've had an 'interesting' life, like Alexis! Mine is boring in comparison. I'm going to pinch my hubby's IPad, whatever he calls it, it's smaller and easier then my laptop to take to bed with me. My niece is having a similar problem. Her mother died when she was six, and her grandmother who has property and shares in goodness knows what, died, and her carer suddenly has inherited everything. It seems her will was changed, and Sarah knew nothing about it. The thing is, her grandmother had dementia, so we are going to sue. Your story is very interesting, and I am looking forward to reading how you get on. Right, off to the beginning of your story. :) Sandra xxx
reply by the author on 02-May-2016
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I'm going to have to go back and catch up, Ulla. It looks like you've had an 'interesting' life, like Alexis! Mine is boring in comparison. I'm going to pinch my hubby's IPad, whatever he calls it, it's smaller and easier then my laptop to take to bed with me. My niece is having a similar problem. Her mother died when she was six, and her grandmother who has property and shares in goodness knows what, died, and her carer suddenly has inherited everything. It seems her will was changed, and Sarah knew nothing about it. The thing is, her grandmother had dementia, so we are going to sue. Your story is very interesting, and I am looking forward to reading how you get on. Right, off to the beginning of your story. :) Sandra xxx
Comment Written 01-May-2016
reply by the author on 02-May-2016
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Hi Sandra, thank you so much for the six stars which makes such a difference to me. I certainly hope that you will be successful in the case of your niece. I'm so pleased that you will be reading up on my writing. Send my love to Alexis and say that I'll Skype her very soon. All the best. Ulla xxx
Comment from candyfink
Even after reading a few sentences, your soul pours through the writing. That's what I love about your writing. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 02-May-2016
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Even after reading a few sentences, your soul pours through the writing. That's what I love about your writing. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 01-May-2016
reply by the author on 02-May-2016
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Aww candybarr, Thanks ever so much for this. It means the world to me. You can't imagine how pleased I am. All the best. Ulla:))
Comment from Bryana
Dear Ulla, I can't wait to hear from the lawyer.
I'm glad you talk wit your aunt, you needed her.
I' sorry things are not going well with John, you
would have someone to talk with about all the
goings on in your life.
Un abrazo para ti.
reply by the author on 02-May-2016
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Dear Ulla, I can't wait to hear from the lawyer.
I'm glad you talk wit your aunt, you needed her.
I' sorry things are not going well with John, you
would have someone to talk with about all the
goings on in your life.
Un abrazo para ti.
Comment Written 01-May-2016
reply by the author on 02-May-2016
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Hi Bryana, thank you so very much. I'm looking forward to read some new work from you. Un abrazo a ti tambien. Ulla:)))
Comment from robyn corum
Ulla,
Another delightful chapter in the ongoing story. I can't wait to see what happens next - so you'll have to hurry -- though it may be waiting in my backed up in-box! hahaha
One tiny (possible) note:
1.) thankful that I'd eaten my food, but to be honest, I was not in the mood (for) speaking to him.
--> though this may be a difference in regional speaking
reply by the author on 02-May-2016
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Ulla,
Another delightful chapter in the ongoing story. I can't wait to see what happens next - so you'll have to hurry -- though it may be waiting in my backed up in-box! hahaha
One tiny (possible) note:
1.) thankful that I'd eaten my food, but to be honest, I was not in the mood (for) speaking to him.
--> though this may be a difference in regional speaking
Comment Written 01-May-2016
reply by the author on 02-May-2016
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Hi Robyn, Thanks ever so much for this and I will do my best to post very soon. Have made changes. All the best. Ulla:))
Comment from nancy_e_davis
Beautiful, Beautiful Copenhagen. LOL
All those foreign cities sound very exotic
to me. I only visit them on paper or TV.
Not much happening here, a filler chapter
I suppose. No spags. Write on! xsx Nancy
reply by the author on 02-May-2016
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Beautiful, Beautiful Copenhagen. LOL
All those foreign cities sound very exotic
to me. I only visit them on paper or TV.
Not much happening here, a filler chapter
I suppose. No spags. Write on! xsx Nancy
Comment Written 01-May-2016
reply by the author on 02-May-2016
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Aww, Nancy, thanks a lot. My whole life has been filled with travel and experiencing new places. The chapter is meant to lead up to the grand finale so to speak. Not a filler but a natural transition. All the best. Ulla:)))
Comment from jpduck
You are taking the story forward at a very relaxed pace -- possibly a little too relaxed? The story writer often has a fine balance to set between the discursive and the snappy. I think this could be tightened up just a little (eg taking out some of the food and drink details). I appreciate things like setting ambience and building character are every bit as important as 'telling the story' (the plot). That's part of the 'fine balance'.
Typos/SPAGs. (Square brackets indicate suggested deletions, and asterisks, suggested insertions):
'the flight touched down at Heat*h*row Airport'
'[In that instance]*At that moment* the phone's chilling ring brought me out *of* my reverie (You might have said 'At that instant' but I think 'At that moment' is better. 'instance' is definitely wrong: instance = example; instant = moment).
'I brought my glass over, thankful that I'[ve]*d* eaten my food' (Wrong tense).
'I will need to finish soon*,* as this call is going to cost me a small fortune'
Adrian
reply by the author on 02-May-2016
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You are taking the story forward at a very relaxed pace -- possibly a little too relaxed? The story writer often has a fine balance to set between the discursive and the snappy. I think this could be tightened up just a little (eg taking out some of the food and drink details). I appreciate things like setting ambience and building character are every bit as important as 'telling the story' (the plot). That's part of the 'fine balance'.
Typos/SPAGs. (Square brackets indicate suggested deletions, and asterisks, suggested insertions):
'the flight touched down at Heat*h*row Airport'
'[In that instance]*At that moment* the phone's chilling ring brought me out *of* my reverie (You might have said 'At that instant' but I think 'At that moment' is better. 'instance' is definitely wrong: instance = example; instant = moment).
'I brought my glass over, thankful that I'[ve]*d* eaten my food' (Wrong tense).
'I will need to finish soon*,* as this call is going to cost me a small fortune'
Adrian
Comment Written 01-May-2016
reply by the author on 02-May-2016
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Hi Adrian, thanks so much and I have made the corrections. As always thanks for pointing them out. I have decided to stay with the 'meal scene'. Leads up to my conversation with Grethe quite nicely. Next chapter is the end and hopefully the grande finale. All the best. Ulla:)))