Falling Off The Edge
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "Falling Off The Edge - Part Six"A true story
37 total reviews
Comment from Sis Cat
Wow. Compelling writing dealing with inheritance. I grew suspicious of Mrs Faber when "She smiled a wolfish smile." I suggest the use of grin as a replacement for the second "smile," so that it now reads "She smiled a wolfish grin." Grin suggests teeth.
Your prose is clean and you conundrum is engrossing. I enjoyed reading this. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2016
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Wow. Compelling writing dealing with inheritance. I grew suspicious of Mrs Faber when "She smiled a wolfish smile." I suggest the use of grin as a replacement for the second "smile," so that it now reads "She smiled a wolfish grin." Grin suggests teeth.
Your prose is clean and you conundrum is engrossing. I enjoyed reading this. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 18-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2016
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Hi there, thanks very much, I do stick with her smile because that's really how it was. All the best. Ulla
Comment from jpduck
You painted a wonderfully clear picture of Mrs Faber. Another fascinating episode.
A suggestion & a SPAG. (* * indicates suggested insertions):
'It was obvious to see the beauty she must once have been' (I think 'The beauty she must once have been was clear' would read more smoothly).
'that you needed to see me by way of urgency*,* if not short of an emergency' (Comma needed to separate the subsidiary clause).
Adrian
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2016
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You painted a wonderfully clear picture of Mrs Faber. Another fascinating episode.
A suggestion & a SPAG. (* * indicates suggested insertions):
'It was obvious to see the beauty she must once have been' (I think 'The beauty she must once have been was clear' would read more smoothly).
'that you needed to see me by way of urgency*,* if not short of an emergency' (Comma needed to separate the subsidiary clause).
Adrian
Comment Written 18-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2016
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Thanks a lot for this Adrian, and as usual you have been of great help. I have edited as to your suggestions and the comma of course. They always seem to beat me. All the best. Ulla:)))
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Commas beat us all at times.
Adrian
Comment from Mary Wakeford
Another very intriguing excerpt to your story. You have written the detail well in describing the chaos, urgency and inner turmoil one would have in a situation like this. You have made your attorney a very likeable character as well. Nice work!
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2016
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Another very intriguing excerpt to your story. You have written the detail well in describing the chaos, urgency and inner turmoil one would have in a situation like this. You have made your attorney a very likeable character as well. Nice work!
Comment Written 18-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2016
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Hello Mary, thank you very much for this great review. All the best. Ulla:)))
Comment from Bryana
OMG, I love that Mrs. Farber, she seems
honest and strong. I'm sure you have the
right to your inheritance, of course, I don't
the laws of other countries, but it's this way
in the US, adoptive children have the same
rights as natural children .
I wish you luck my friend.
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2016
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OMG, I love that Mrs. Farber, she seems
honest and strong. I'm sure you have the
right to your inheritance, of course, I don't
the laws of other countries, but it's this way
in the US, adoptive children have the same
rights as natural children .
I wish you luck my friend.
Comment Written 17-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2016
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Hi Bryana, thanks very very much for this heartfelt review,. Yes, she was quite character. All the best. Ulla:)))
Comment from amahra
I know that's right...a double indeed. I'm sorry I've been away for such a long time. But I really like this story. I just finished reading five back stories of Mastery so not quite up to doing any more right now. But love this ongoing story and will certainly continue.
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2016
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I know that's right...a double indeed. I'm sorry I've been away for such a long time. But I really like this story. I just finished reading five back stories of Mastery so not quite up to doing any more right now. But love this ongoing story and will certainly continue.
Comment Written 17-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2016
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Hi Amahra, thank thank you so much for this great review, and the lovely stars. I'm so pleased! Oh, I needed that drink after the day I'd had. Just to keep me going really. So glad you are back and hope you will post soon. All the best. Ulla:)))
Comment from Curly Girly
Oh, well, maybe this lady will prove helpful to your case.
You wrote:
Her pen banged up and down on her legal pad
Suggest:
Her pen TAPPED up and down on her legal pad
Nicole
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2016
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Oh, well, maybe this lady will prove helpful to your case.
You wrote:
Her pen banged up and down on her legal pad
Suggest:
Her pen TAPPED up and down on her legal pad
Nicole
Comment Written 17-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2016
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Hi Nicole, thanks for the great review. I have made the corrections, and thanks for pointing it out. All the best. Ulla:)
Comment from trumby
I've followed this story with interest since the beginning of the journey.
It definitely seems as if you had a few problems at this stage of your life.
Very good way of describing Mrs. Faber.
I've got an aunt like this, but I think that my aunt is a bit more abrasive.
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2016
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I've followed this story with interest since the beginning of the journey.
It definitely seems as if you had a few problems at this stage of your life.
Very good way of describing Mrs. Faber.
I've got an aunt like this, but I think that my aunt is a bit more abrasive.
Comment Written 17-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2016
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Thank you so much for this great review. Lets say I've never had a boring life. All the best. Ulla:))
Comment from Ric Myworld
A hint of relief to find out your attorney was willing to take the case, and although she was encouraging there is never a slam dunk in a court of law. Thanks for another fine chapter and I can hardly wait for the next. :-)
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2016
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A hint of relief to find out your attorney was willing to take the case, and although she was encouraging there is never a slam dunk in a court of law. Thanks for another fine chapter and I can hardly wait for the next. :-)
Comment Written 17-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2016
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Hi Ric, Thanks a lot for your great review. I'm so pleased that you enjoy it. All the best. Ulla:))
Comment from Cumbrianlass
Good continuation, Ulla. You write well, with a nice easy flow. I noticed a few areas that perhaps need some attention - nothing major:
Mrs Faber was an impressive woman at the best of times. - the word 'impressive' doesn't work in this context. '...at the best of times' should be used to balance out a less than flattering adjective. So, you'd use this expression to say, for example, ... 'she was a nasty person at the best of times', indicating that even at her best, she still wasn't good.
Because the lawyer here IS nice, I suggest using 'intimidating' rather than 'impressive'. A person can be intimidating without being horrid, and since this lady is a lawyer, it would fit, I think, and it ties in with what follows in the story.
I held out my hand in greeting(,) thanking her for seeing me at such short notice. - insert comma
It also helped that I've presented you before. - I think you mean 'represented'?
I saw () mirth in her eyes and I dared to relax a little. - lose 'the'
I have moved to Great Britain and () live just west of London - delete the second 'I'
that had happened since (that) morning - should be 'that' not 'this'
I croaked a thank you, and () was on my way. - lose the 'I'
"A gin and tonic, please, and could you make that a double(?)" - needs a question mark, unless you say, "A gin and tonic, please, and make it a double!"
Hope this helps!
Hugs,
Av
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2016
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Good continuation, Ulla. You write well, with a nice easy flow. I noticed a few areas that perhaps need some attention - nothing major:
Mrs Faber was an impressive woman at the best of times. - the word 'impressive' doesn't work in this context. '...at the best of times' should be used to balance out a less than flattering adjective. So, you'd use this expression to say, for example, ... 'she was a nasty person at the best of times', indicating that even at her best, she still wasn't good.
Because the lawyer here IS nice, I suggest using 'intimidating' rather than 'impressive'. A person can be intimidating without being horrid, and since this lady is a lawyer, it would fit, I think, and it ties in with what follows in the story.
I held out my hand in greeting(,) thanking her for seeing me at such short notice. - insert comma
It also helped that I've presented you before. - I think you mean 'represented'?
I saw () mirth in her eyes and I dared to relax a little. - lose 'the'
I have moved to Great Britain and () live just west of London - delete the second 'I'
that had happened since (that) morning - should be 'that' not 'this'
I croaked a thank you, and () was on my way. - lose the 'I'
"A gin and tonic, please, and could you make that a double(?)" - needs a question mark, unless you say, "A gin and tonic, please, and make it a double!"
Hope this helps!
Hugs,
Av
Comment Written 17-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2016
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Thank a lot, av, for this great review, and a very helpful one. I learn all the time, and do my best to remember it all. I have made all the corrections and I think it reads ok now. Hugs. Ulla:))
Comment from MelB
"Mrs. Faber, first of all I would like to say that everything I told your secretary is the truth. - all other Mrs have no period after them.
It looks like you have found a good ally in Mrs. Faber. She is a caring woman and wants to help. Another well written chapter. I look forward to your next post.
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2016
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"Mrs. Faber, first of all I would like to say that everything I told your secretary is the truth. - all other Mrs have no period after them.
It looks like you have found a good ally in Mrs. Faber. She is a caring woman and wants to help. Another well written chapter. I look forward to your next post.
Comment Written 17-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2016
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Thanks a lot for this great review, Mel. I'm pleased that you like it. All the best. Ulla:)))