Mango Writes a Story
A Mango the Beagle classic22 total reviews
Comment from Carolyn 'Deaton' Stephens
Dear John,
You know I am a sucker for Mango.. And what a fine job he
did with his 'boring' week-end assignment. I am sure when he
returns to school, Teacher Owl will think his story is the best.
I know I sure enjoyed it...
:-) Carolyn
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2016
  |
Dear John,
You know I am a sucker for Mango.. And what a fine job he
did with his 'boring' week-end assignment. I am sure when he
returns to school, Teacher Owl will think his story is the best.
I know I sure enjoyed it...
:-) Carolyn
Comment Written 04-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2016
-
Wow. Thank you Carolyn for those generous six stars. I do most appreciate those, yet I more appreciate your encouraging and warm review. You are a sweetheart. John
-
you are the best!!!
Comment from Jim Lorson Sr
I really like this children's story. It has great adventure without any violence. These mice, especially the boys, are quite curios about their surroundings. Hickory disappears, but his brother, Dickory seems to know where he is. Time for some fun with there sister Dockerella, harmless mischief.
This is a great way to tell a fairy tale with a twist. I say very well thought out in your approach to create attention for the children. It has a playful dialogue but there are times of seriousness. I say, keep going with this fun endeavor. Good luck!
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2016
 |
I really like this children's story. It has great adventure without any violence. These mice, especially the boys, are quite curios about their surroundings. Hickory disappears, but his brother, Dickory seems to know where he is. Time for some fun with there sister Dockerella, harmless mischief.
This is a great way to tell a fairy tale with a twist. I say very well thought out in your approach to create attention for the children. It has a playful dialogue but there are times of seriousness. I say, keep going with this fun endeavor. Good luck!
Comment Written 04-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2016
-
Thank you, Jim . Your review and encouragement are much appreciated. I hope to write more of these in the future and look forward to you reading them.
John
Comment from jpduck
Yes, I think this really works. I can imagine 6 to 9 year-olds (or thereabouts) really enjoying it. I loved the way you incorporated the original nursery rhyme (in red) into the story within a story. I particularly liked 'goody two-paws'.
A few SPAGs. (Square brackets indicate suggested deletions, and asterisks, suggested insertions):
'I sure hope this will be fun, not like last weekend*'*s'
'She looked down each length of [there] *their* wall'
'They ran as fast as their tiny legs would carry them over the thick*,* blue carpet'
'[She's] *She'd* never seen one before' (Up to here, the narrative has all been in the past tense; so this should be the same).
Adrian
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2016
|
Yes, I think this really works. I can imagine 6 to 9 year-olds (or thereabouts) really enjoying it. I loved the way you incorporated the original nursery rhyme (in red) into the story within a story. I particularly liked 'goody two-paws'.
A few SPAGs. (Square brackets indicate suggested deletions, and asterisks, suggested insertions):
'I sure hope this will be fun, not like last weekend*'*s'
'She looked down each length of [there] *their* wall'
'They ran as fast as their tiny legs would carry them over the thick*,* blue carpet'
'[She's] *She'd* never seen one before' (Up to here, the narrative has all been in the past tense; so this should be the same).
Adrian
Comment Written 04-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2016
-
Thank you, Adrian. I went ahead and made the corrections. I do appreciate it.
Always a pleasure. John
Comment from Connie C
Very clever, John, how you worked this around the nursery rhyme. I like how you personify the mice and how the siblings talk to each other just like humans siblings.
I think this would be a great children's story with some fun illustrations. Perhaps you should consider writing more children's stories--this one is quite entertaining!
My best to you.
Connie
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2016
|
Very clever, John, how you worked this around the nursery rhyme. I like how you personify the mice and how the siblings talk to each other just like humans siblings.
I think this would be a great children's story with some fun illustrations. Perhaps you should consider writing more children's stories--this one is quite entertaining!
My best to you.
Connie
Comment Written 03-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2016
-
Thank you, Connie. I appreciate your reading and sharing. John
Comment from DonandVicki
Even though you have borrowed from other nursery rhymes I think this is a well composed childrens story. A story that children can relate to.
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2016
|
Even though you have borrowed from other nursery rhymes I think this is a well composed childrens story. A story that children can relate to.
Comment Written 03-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2016
-
Thank you very much for reading and sharing. You're very encouraging. John
Comment from w.j.debi
This is a very inventive take on the nursery rhyme. The story within the story method was well done, and it was entertaining and instructive. Ntransistions are smooth and the characters are fun. I can imagine the youngsters complaining about their assignment. I can imagine the pride of both Mango and her mother for a job well done.
Did you mean "their" in the following, or is the use of "there" on purpose because the story is written by a child.
Hickory and Dickory were twin boys and a wee bit older than there sister, Dockerella, or Dock for short.
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2016
|
This is a very inventive take on the nursery rhyme. The story within the story method was well done, and it was entertaining and instructive. Ntransistions are smooth and the characters are fun. I can imagine the youngsters complaining about their assignment. I can imagine the pride of both Mango and her mother for a job well done.
Did you mean "their" in the following, or is the use of "there" on purpose because the story is written by a child.
Hickory and Dickory were twin boys and a wee bit older than there sister, Dockerella, or Dock for short.
Comment Written 03-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2016
-
debi, there vs their was written by a child, me! I missed it even after proof reading a zillion times. Thank you for the great review. I certainly appreciate it.
John
Comment from MelB
there family, Hickory, Dickory and Dockerella. - their
It's much to quiet in here." - too
I think this is the start to a very good children's story. I like the name Mango and the characters are relatable. I look forward to reading more.
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2016
|
there family, Hickory, Dickory and Dockerella. - their
It's much to quiet in here." - too
I think this is the start to a very good children's story. I like the name Mango and the characters are relatable. I look forward to reading more.
Comment Written 03-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2016
-
Thank you Melissa. I've written a number of Mango stories, this was a different type I'm thinking of doing. Almost a story in a story with Mango, and a nursery rhyme. Thank you for reading and the corrections. John
-
You're welcome.
Comment from royowen
I think you've made this interesting, breaking it down sequentially to the nursery rhyme's basic lines was clever, so the story was in order, there were no spags I could detect, another plus, the kid mice relating to one another was normal, so all round it was a good story, good subject matter,, quirky story, the characters were relatable, well done, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2016
|
I think you've made this interesting, breaking it down sequentially to the nursery rhyme's basic lines was clever, so the story was in order, there were no spags I could detect, another plus, the kid mice relating to one another was normal, so all round it was a good story, good subject matter,, quirky story, the characters were relatable, well done, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 03-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2016
-
Thank you, Roy. I appreciate your positive comments and warm review. I hope to do other stories like this in the future. John
-
Well done
-
My pleasure John,
Comment from Janet Foor
I think it's a wonderful children's story. I loved the "Hickory,
Dickory, Dockerella" family with Momma and Poppa Mouse. Maybe Mango could be more involved in the tale but otherwise, it was great.
Well done.
Blessings
Janet
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2016
|
I think it's a wonderful children's story. I loved the "Hickory,
Dickory, Dockerella" family with Momma and Poppa Mouse. Maybe Mango could be more involved in the tale but otherwise, it was great.
Well done.
Blessings
Janet
Comment Written 03-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2016
-
Thank you, Janet. I like your suggestion about Mango. She is the star of my stories and I kind of left her behind. Thank you.
John
Comment from ndadarose
Excellent children's story. It captured my interest from the beginning to the end. You are right...Mango needs to be more involved. How was he able to write such a perfect story under his covers using a flashlight?
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2016
|
Excellent children's story. It captured my interest from the beginning to the end. You are right...Mango needs to be more involved. How was he able to write such a perfect story under his covers using a flashlight?
Comment Written 03-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2016
-
Thank you, ndadarose. I like your comments and will go back to the drawing board so to speak when all reviews are in. Thank you again.
John