Toy Soldiers
A Minute poem for the contest30 total reviews
Comment from I am Cat
Good questions... which go far beyond what the minute asks... the prose below it.
I wonder... can we write a Minute sonnet? Or does that cancel out the 'minute' part? lol
written to the tune of the minute, but begging to be told on a much larger scale, Tony (as evidenced by your author's notes...) we may have to expand into the TWO minute minute ;) LOL or even three. ;)
well done. Good luck in the contest !
( I was looking for your mouse escapade! ;)
Cat
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2016
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Good questions... which go far beyond what the minute asks... the prose below it.
I wonder... can we write a Minute sonnet? Or does that cancel out the 'minute' part? lol
written to the tune of the minute, but begging to be told on a much larger scale, Tony (as evidenced by your author's notes...) we may have to expand into the TWO minute minute ;) LOL or even three. ;)
well done. Good luck in the contest !
( I was looking for your mouse escapade! ;)
Cat
Comment Written 03-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2016
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Your review minds me of that Monty Python skit, 'A Minute Passed'. British humour, I'm afraid!
Hesitantly, reluctantly, Helen slipped out of a sling, tight-waisted waspy and stood naked in the moonlight before me. Somewhere a clock chimed three. An owl hooted in the nearby copse. No wind stirred the casement window. She stood in the pale, translucent light on the Persian carpet. A minute passed. Then another. Then, another minute. Then... another minute passed. Then another minute passed. And another. A further minute passed quickly, followed by another minute, when suddenly, a different minute passed, followed by another different minute. And another. And yet another further different minute. A minute passed. I glanced at my watch. It was a minute past. This was it. A minute passed. After a moment, another minute passed. I waited a minute while a minute passed quickly past. And then, a minute which seemed to last an hour but was only a minute... passed.
(Clearly the hero was not a mouse!)
Comment from CD Richards
Have you ever heard the Rolf Harris song "Two Little Boys?" Oh ok, let's not go there.
A nice link between the fun games we innocently play as children and the not-so-innocent, not-so-fun reality many have faced. As you say, a pointless waste.
Nicely done.
Craig.
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2016
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Have you ever heard the Rolf Harris song "Two Little Boys?" Oh ok, let's not go there.
A nice link between the fun games we innocently play as children and the not-so-innocent, not-so-fun reality many have faced. As you say, a pointless waste.
Nicely done.
Craig.
Comment Written 03-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2016
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Hi Craig. Yes, I remember that song quite well. Very much on the same theme. I guess the title has a slightly different connotation now. What a great pity.
Comment from Dean Kuch
This is a very well composed Minute, Mr. Fawcus, which has a powerfully piecing, very poignant message to convey. It goes without saying that this is well rhymed and eloquently worded, as we have come to expect no less from you by now. However, the most important thing about this, in my humble opinion, is the fact that your father a man, who had been through the hell of war, sat and observed his young son playing at war with his collection of toys soldiers. Knowing what we know concerning PTSD, one has to wonder if memories of friends, men he had come to know, care for and respect, came rushing back to him in a tidal wave of emotion at times.
Well done, sir.
I wish you the very best of luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2016
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This is a very well composed Minute, Mr. Fawcus, which has a powerfully piecing, very poignant message to convey. It goes without saying that this is well rhymed and eloquently worded, as we have come to expect no less from you by now. However, the most important thing about this, in my humble opinion, is the fact that your father a man, who had been through the hell of war, sat and observed his young son playing at war with his collection of toys soldiers. Knowing what we know concerning PTSD, one has to wonder if memories of friends, men he had come to know, care for and respect, came rushing back to him in a tidal wave of emotion at times.
Well done, sir.
I wish you the very best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 03-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2016
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Well, I shall have to start calling you Mr Kuch, if you insist on Mr Fawcus! I very much appreciated your review, Dean, and the empathy that you felt for the subject matter. Thank you! Best wishes, Tony.
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Haha, it's just a habit for me, Tony. The way I address those whom I have the greatest respect for. Well, I try and have respect for everyone, but you know what I mean, LOL.
You are very welcome, my friend.
~Dean
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Haha, it's just a habit for me, Tony. The way I address those whom I have the greatest respect for. Well, I try and have respect for everyone, but you know what I mean, LOL.
You are very welcome, my friend.
~Dean
Comment from Douglas Paul
This is really good Tony. I used to play with these things all the time when I was kid too, and my father was a WWII vet as well. This poem has made me stop and think. This is very well done
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2016
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This is really good Tony. I used to play with these things all the time when I was kid too, and my father was a WWII vet as well. This poem has made me stop and think. This is very well done
Comment Written 03-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2016
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Thanks, Paul. Yes, it does give pause for thought My father survived both the Belgian trenches and the Royal Flying Corps in WW1 but was invalided out of the services before the end of WW2. He never used to talk about any of his experiences and I often used to wonder what memories were locked away.
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
Excellent minute piece.
Rules followed exactly and the content kept consistant.
I think I would have put dad in there somewhere so we knew who he was without authors notes. but that is just me/
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2016
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Excellent minute piece.
Rules followed exactly and the content kept consistant.
I think I would have put dad in there somewhere so we knew who he was without authors notes. but that is just me/
Comment Written 03-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2016
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Thanks, Barb. Yes - he was in there in an earlier version but got edited out! I probably shouldn't have added the author note.
Comment from Mark Valentine
I think all of us of a certain age played with those toy soldiers without having the faintest idea of what real war was like. I fear that many politicians are similarly removed from the realities of war. This is a profound poem, mad even deeper by the fact that it is anchored in a ubiquitous (at least among boys) child's game.
Well done.
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2016
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I think all of us of a certain age played with those toy soldiers without having the faintest idea of what real war was like. I fear that many politicians are similarly removed from the realities of war. This is a profound poem, mad even deeper by the fact that it is anchored in a ubiquitous (at least among boys) child's game.
Well done.
Comment Written 03-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2016
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Thanks, Mark. There seems to be an inbuilt violence gene. When there are not toy soldiers at hand, any stick will do to make a gun or sword. Nonetheless, I sometimes think we feed and encourage it unduly.
Comment from LIJ Red
A scathing contempt of military toys, games and TV shows is what I'd expect from veterans, but usually the reality is so far from the fantasy
they don't mistake one for the other. An excellent speculation...
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2016
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A scathing contempt of military toys, games and TV shows is what I'd expect from veterans, but usually the reality is so far from the fantasy
they don't mistake one for the other. An excellent speculation...
Comment Written 03-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2016
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Thanks, LIJR. There seems to be an inbuilt violence gene. When there are not toy soldiers at hand, any stick will do to make a gun or sword. Nonetheless, I sometimes think we feed and encourage it unduly.
Comment from krys123
Tony;
-thank you for your authors notes there are very up on me determining the essence of the concept of your writing.
- the rhythm of your minute POEM was iambic tetrameter followed by three lines of iambic octameter and along with the cadence, timing and tempo your reading was clear, fluid and easy.
- all of your rhyming words were contingent to the meaning of concept of each of your lines and also none were forced nor labored which was helpful in making the rhythm to flow smoothly.
- the topic was strong and intelligible and one that was very ghastly churning in the minds of peaceful men.
- in the contest and may the good Lord be with you always Tony.
Alex
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2016
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Tony;
-thank you for your authors notes there are very up on me determining the essence of the concept of your writing.
- the rhythm of your minute POEM was iambic tetrameter followed by three lines of iambic octameter and along with the cadence, timing and tempo your reading was clear, fluid and easy.
- all of your rhyming words were contingent to the meaning of concept of each of your lines and also none were forced nor labored which was helpful in making the rhythm to flow smoothly.
- the topic was strong and intelligible and one that was very ghastly churning in the minds of peaceful men.
- in the contest and may the good Lord be with you always Tony.
Alex
Comment Written 03-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2016
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As is so often the case, this review is most welcome for its evident empathy with the subject matter. Thank you, too, for the six stars! Best wishes, Tony - and may the Lord be with you, too.
Comment from Maureen's Pen
Dear Tony, perfectly formed minute poem and excellent submission. I especially liked your ability to keep the moment going after your last line. To extend my own thoughts into considering a child at play, and what the visual really means to the observer. I really liked this one, got me pondering.
Good luck my friend.
Thanks for sharing,
Moreen
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2016
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Dear Tony, perfectly formed minute poem and excellent submission. I especially liked your ability to keep the moment going after your last line. To extend my own thoughts into considering a child at play, and what the visual really means to the observer. I really liked this one, got me pondering.
Good luck my friend.
Thanks for sharing,
Moreen
Comment Written 03-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2016
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I cannot tell you how delighted I am to hear from you, Moreen. You have such a gentle way with words and are always so supportive. I appreciate the six stars and the effort you have taken to review my poem. I gather from your profile that you are still plagued by migraines. My heart goes out to you, for they are such a refined and brutal torture. I have just returned from a month in New York, welcoming our first granddaughter, Teagan, into the world. Great happiness!
Comment from foxangie123
You did an amazing job here with this. You write with an expert pen to say the least. A most enjoyable additional write that I hope wins.
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2016
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You did an amazing job here with this. You write with an expert pen to say the least. A most enjoyable additional write that I hope wins.
Comment Written 03-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2016
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Thanks, Angie. There seems to be an inbuilt violence gene. When there are not toy soldiers at hand, any stick will do to make a gun or sword. Nonetheless, I sometimes think we feed and encourage it unduly.
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Me too. Love your title.