Falling Off The Edge
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "Falling Off The Edge - Part Three"A true story
45 total reviews
Comment from CDyer
Shoot! Just as I was getting involved and pulled in! I especially like the use of clock watching - it certainly gives a feeling of urgency to her/your task. Really well put together and relayed!
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2016
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Shoot! Just as I was getting involved and pulled in! I especially like the use of clock watching - it certainly gives a feeling of urgency to her/your task. Really well put together and relayed!
Comment Written 29-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2016
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Thank you so much. I'm glad you caught up on the relevance of the time keeping. All the best. Ulla
Comment from Mastery
Hi, my friend. It's so good to read your writing again. You have a great story going here with all sorts of kinks and turns in the path of your life.
I liked the imagery as usuAL...and the dialogue:
"I threw him an indifferent look, ignoring what he'd said, and proceeded down the stairs. To be honest he was not worth my time. I could feel his small eyes following me as I ran down the steps, and I only hoped that I sent out the right signals that I didn't have a care in the world. I paused for a moment, and noticed that he looked straight at me."Bravo, Ulla. Bob
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2016
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Hi, my friend. It's so good to read your writing again. You have a great story going here with all sorts of kinks and turns in the path of your life.
I liked the imagery as usuAL...and the dialogue:
"I threw him an indifferent look, ignoring what he'd said, and proceeded down the stairs. To be honest he was not worth my time. I could feel his small eyes following me as I ran down the steps, and I only hoped that I sent out the right signals that I didn't have a care in the world. I paused for a moment, and noticed that he looked straight at me."Bravo, Ulla. Bob
Comment Written 29-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2016
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Thank's so much, Bob. You made my day. I have been struggling with this chapter but it looks as if I got there in the end. So appreciated as always. Good to see you back. All the best. Ulla:))
Comment from Writingfundimension
What a crass man, and it sounds like you handled it beautifully, Ulla. I can only imagine what this slight from beyond the grave must have been like for you. I'm glad your adopted father appears to have been a more decent person.
:) Bev
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2016
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What a crass man, and it sounds like you handled it beautifully, Ulla. I can only imagine what this slight from beyond the grave must have been like for you. I'm glad your adopted father appears to have been a more decent person.
:) Bev
Comment Written 29-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2016
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Thank you so much Bev. Yeah, it was something else that went on. All best. Ulla
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You're welcome, Ulla. :)
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You're welcome, Ulla. :)
Comment from Reedblitzerman
Hi Ulla. Thank you for your offering. This is a little different. It feels as if you're telling your story, but you've maybe picked up a little bit more of a flair. Nice letting us know the time constraint and the drawdown in time as the story progresses.
You did a great job of mixing in just enough backstory to pull the story forward, keep the reader wanting the rest of it. That lawyer did sound like a little jerk. It's a little bit saddening to hear of the difference in relationships between your adoptive parents but I guess it happens often enough in all families.
Looking forward to the rest. Feeling a little bit of momentum.
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2016
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Hi Ulla. Thank you for your offering. This is a little different. It feels as if you're telling your story, but you've maybe picked up a little bit more of a flair. Nice letting us know the time constraint and the drawdown in time as the story progresses.
You did a great job of mixing in just enough backstory to pull the story forward, keep the reader wanting the rest of it. That lawyer did sound like a little jerk. It's a little bit saddening to hear of the difference in relationships between your adoptive parents but I guess it happens often enough in all families.
Looking forward to the rest. Feeling a little bit of momentum.
Comment Written 29-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2016
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Thank you so much. I've done quite a lot of editing and it reads much better now. Yeah. It was a hectic and eventful day. More to come what happened on that day. All the best. Ella
Comment from JTStone
This story started out as what I thought was going to be a memory of your adoptive mother's funeral. It has turned into a compelling bit of intrigue. Any time a lawyer gets involved, it's no longer just a story is it? I love the anticipation you have woven into the wait on the next segment.
You have definitely lived an interesting life.
Jimmy
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2016
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This story started out as what I thought was going to be a memory of your adoptive mother's funeral. It has turned into a compelling bit of intrigue. Any time a lawyer gets involved, it's no longer just a story is it? I love the anticipation you have woven into the wait on the next segment.
You have definitely lived an interesting life.
Jimmy
Comment Written 29-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2016
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Hi Jimmy, yeah, my life has never been boring. So much to tell. Thanks a lot for a great review, and more to follow soon. All the best. Ulla
Comment from Nika2016
I have been following your story and was disappointed that it ended where it did. It is like a short episode of a mini-series for television, or a movie and you leave the reader in suspense which means she will always return for the next segment.
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2016
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I have been following your story and was disappointed that it ended where it did. It is like a short episode of a mini-series for television, or a movie and you leave the reader in suspense which means she will always return for the next segment.
Comment Written 29-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2016
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Oh, I am sorry but promise more to follow soon. Thanks for a great review. All the best. Ulla
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Interesting. I wonder if that lawyer knew what your father had done. Assuming he really did ensure you would get an inheritance, perhaps the lawyer doesn't know that? Can't wait to see if it's true or not.
reply by the author on 29-Feb-2016
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Interesting. I wonder if that lawyer knew what your father had done. Assuming he really did ensure you would get an inheritance, perhaps the lawyer doesn't know that? Can't wait to see if it's true or not.
Comment Written 28-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 29-Feb-2016
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Hi Phyllis, Thanks a lot for your great review. I'm not revealing anything just yet. More to follow soon. All the best. Ulla:))
Comment from seaglass
Your adoptive mother must have nursed a terrible grudge. And the attorney...what a beast. Such behavior at a funeral isn't accepted in any country to my knowledge. Your adoptive father sounds like he was a kind and caring man. Looking forward to the next part.
reply by the author on 29-Feb-2016
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Your adoptive mother must have nursed a terrible grudge. And the attorney...what a beast. Such behavior at a funeral isn't accepted in any country to my knowledge. Your adoptive father sounds like he was a kind and caring man. Looking forward to the next part.
Comment Written 28-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 29-Feb-2016
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Yeah it was quite a situation. My adoptive father I loved very much but sadly he died when I was very young art only seventeen.
More to follow soon. Ulla:))
Comment from lancellot
Nicely written. The reader can feel the sense of urgency and the pace only adds to that. The ending of this chapter was a mini-cliff hanger as the clock ticks down. Well done.
reply by the author on 29-Feb-2016
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Nicely written. The reader can feel the sense of urgency and the pace only adds to that. The ending of this chapter was a mini-cliff hanger as the clock ticks down. Well done.
Comment Written 28-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 29-Feb-2016
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Thanks a lot for a great review. All the best. Ulla
Comment from gretchen1
This is a very poignant story and I'm keen to know more.
What I will say though, I think you can make it much better by possibly using a more conversational tone. At the moment it reads slightly like a factual document. The sentences are quite short and the pace is fast. I think you will elicit more sympathy by making it more of a narrative. I hope you don't see this as criticism - I just think it you could raise it a whole level.
And also, watch out for overuse of adjectives and adverbs - trust your writing by using descriptive verbs and also have faith in your reader to get it. (Contemptuous look; small penetrating eyes; pompous attitude)
Well done and I hope this helps but ignore it if you feel it's not valid!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2016
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This is a very poignant story and I'm keen to know more.
What I will say though, I think you can make it much better by possibly using a more conversational tone. At the moment it reads slightly like a factual document. The sentences are quite short and the pace is fast. I think you will elicit more sympathy by making it more of a narrative. I hope you don't see this as criticism - I just think it you could raise it a whole level.
And also, watch out for overuse of adjectives and adverbs - trust your writing by using descriptive verbs and also have faith in your reader to get it. (Contemptuous look; small penetrating eyes; pompous attitude)
Well done and I hope this helps but ignore it if you feel it's not valid!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 28-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2016
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Thank you so much for this and sorry that I'm late in answering. I have made major edits to this and think it reads a whole lot better. The urgency I hope has still been preserved as I was really up against the clock. If it reads a bit factual in places then it is not so surprising as it is non fiction, biographical, in other words facts, not fiction, thanks again for helping. As English is not my first language all help is appreciated. All the best. Ulla