The Quest
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "The Quest Part Three"Finding My Roots
36 total reviews
Comment from beizanten
A good and engaging and intriguing story. Not everyday I get to read a positive, non angsty chapter about a woman searching for her root and non angsting about it first. The grammar and the word flow well
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2015
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A good and engaging and intriguing story. Not everyday I get to read a positive, non angsty chapter about a woman searching for her root and non angsting about it first. The grammar and the word flow well
Comment Written 03-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2015
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Thanks for the review. I have a question. Do you mean the 4 star you have given me , that normally indicates work needs some improvement. Your comments don't seam to indicate that to be the case? Ulla
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I'm not good at finding faults since I still had a lot I should improve and not really sure how bad my own story fauls are. And I believe in positive encouragement, build up someone confidence and encourage them to continue writing
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Ok, I see what you are saying, but it still has the opposite effect. Ulla
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No I am sorry I am not good with word. Your story is good, it just not amazing yet, but it could be, if you work hard. I am sorry to offend you.
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Oh, but you are not. Thanks for your frankness and I will work harder. All the best. Ulla
Comment from ellie6
What an exciting chapter. I am eager to know what happens next. it must be strange to know that somewhere out there, is the woman who gave birth to you. There is a lot that can happen next..
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2015
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What an exciting chapter. I am eager to know what happens next. it must be strange to know that somewhere out there, is the woman who gave birth to you. There is a lot that can happen next..
Comment Written 03-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2015
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Thank you so much for your encouraging review. Allthe best. Ulla
Comment from Louise Michelle
You captured my attention, Ulla. This is written at a perfect pace, drawing the reader in with just the right amount of description. The dialogue is a pleasure to read and carries the story along well. Non-fiction should be written using the same techniques as fiction, which you have done well. Lou
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2015
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You captured my attention, Ulla. This is written at a perfect pace, drawing the reader in with just the right amount of description. The dialogue is a pleasure to read and carries the story along well. Non-fiction should be written using the same techniques as fiction, which you have done well. Lou
Comment Written 03-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2015
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Thank you so much for your encouraging review, Lou. I am glad you like it and hope you will read on. All the best. Ulla
Comment from alexisleech
As they say, 'it's not what you know, it's who you know,' and this is a perfect example! It must have been a wonderful feeling to know that you might find out about your real mother at last.
I've made a few suggestions below to get rid of a few of those pesky 'ly' words. Every time you include one, try and see if you can replace it. As I've said before, your writing is excellent and it's only a 'language' thing!
Alexis xxx
Tommy, my ex husband, looked at me [smiling.] and smiled.
NEW LINE I looked at him in surprise [asking] and asked how he knew what we had been doing.
"I also [do speak] spoke to Grethe, so I know
but then again what could I expect[.]?
[I watched her incredulously.] "What do you mean Bente? I uttered."Please, go on!"
proceeded to the kitchen [preparing] and prepared a light meal.
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2015
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As they say, 'it's not what you know, it's who you know,' and this is a perfect example! It must have been a wonderful feeling to know that you might find out about your real mother at last.
I've made a few suggestions below to get rid of a few of those pesky 'ly' words. Every time you include one, try and see if you can replace it. As I've said before, your writing is excellent and it's only a 'language' thing!
Alexis xxx
Tommy, my ex husband, looked at me [smiling.] and smiled.
NEW LINE I looked at him in surprise [asking] and asked how he knew what we had been doing.
"I also [do speak] spoke to Grethe, so I know
but then again what could I expect[.]?
[I watched her incredulously.] "What do you mean Bente? I uttered."Please, go on!"
proceeded to the kitchen [preparing] and prepared a light meal.
Comment Written 03-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2015
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Alexis, First of all thank you so much for the useful review and the corrections have been made already. I do need to pay much more attention to those -ing forms. Yes, it was an amazing feeling to suddenly realise that this search, I had only started half hearted, could actually lead somewhere. Ulla xxx
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is an excellent write, ulla, you did an excellent job writing this chapter where your ex=husband's wife puts her friend in contact with you to help you locate your mother. I am glad she did that for you.
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2015
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this is an excellent write, ulla, you did an excellent job writing this chapter where your ex=husband's wife puts her friend in contact with you to help you locate your mother. I am glad she did that for you.
Comment Written 03-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2015
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Thank you so much for this encouraging review. I hope you will follow on in my search. All the best. Ulla
Comment from Crumpy
The story flows nicely and the dialog moves it along so that it's interesting while you introduce characters through the action. It's a great idea for a story. If there was no earlier introduction of the information from the Danish tax man then I would want to know this didn't just get dropped in there. I didn't understand how the letter from the Danish tax man came to you (an email from something you did earlier or is this just routine in this culture?) Maybe a few words somewhere to flesh that thought out.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2015
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The story flows nicely and the dialog moves it along so that it's interesting while you introduce characters through the action. It's a great idea for a story. If there was no earlier introduction of the information from the Danish tax man then I would want to know this didn't just get dropped in there. I didn't understand how the letter from the Danish tax man came to you (an email from something you did earlier or is this just routine in this culture?) Maybe a few words somewhere to flesh that thought out.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 02-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2015
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Thanks for the review. As most who have followed my biography, I have already immigrated to Britain from Denmark. All this is taking place in 2003. I most unexpectedly received quite a good sum from the Danish Taxman which is relevant to what happens later. The money is relevant that is.I'm sure where you come from that it is not everyday that the theTaxman send you money you are not even aware they owe you, Ulla
Comment from Mastery
very good chapter, Ulla. I don't understand one thing though...why did you not understand or why were you confused when Bente wanted to hjelp you via her relative in the ministry office. Seems I would have jumped for joy...or maybe I am missing something, I guess.
Very effective writing, including the dialogue which is superb. Bob
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2015
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very good chapter, Ulla. I don't understand one thing though...why did you not understand or why were you confused when Bente wanted to hjelp you via her relative in the ministry office. Seems I would have jumped for joy...or maybe I am missing something, I guess.
Very effective writing, including the dialogue which is superb. Bob
Comment Written 02-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2015
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Bob, Thank you so much and thanks for the praise. Why I reacted like I did to Bente was that we had proceeded to talk of other things and then she butted in that she wanted to help me. First: In that moment I didn't even think of my search at all and second: It couldn't be further from my mind that help would come from my ex-husband's wife.
I hope that helps to clarify what I meant. Thanks again for the review and I hope you will keep reading about my story. All best. Ulla
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I shall enjoy it all as I am. thanks for clarity. I am thick sometimes. LOL...Bob
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Thick you are not Bob, Lol. I am so glad you like it. Ulla
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Interesting piece for sure. How excited you must have been! I hope Marianned found something to lead you to your mother. After all those years, she could be anywhere.
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2015
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Interesting piece for sure. How excited you must have been! I hope Marianned found something to lead you to your mother. After all those years, she could be anywhere.
Comment Written 02-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2015
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Thanks Phyllis for your review. You are so right, she could be anywhere. I hope you'll follow me in my story. All best. Ulla
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
I'm interested to find out what Marianne comes up with - it's a bit of luck to have contact with her, Ulla.
"Oh, a dry white wine would be nice, thanks[,](.)" and I sat down joining Amelie and Tommy's wife Bente. -
here, as you've followed speech by action, then it's a period not a comma. Unless you prefer:
would be nice, thanks," I SAID, and sat down
But I needn't have worried[,](;) she stared back at me as if enraptured. - semi-colon
"What do you mean Bente?(") I uttered. - inverted commas
but she was tired, and admittedly so was I.
but she was tired and, admittedly, so was I.
and dig out as much as I can find(.)" - period
Margaret
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2015
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I'm interested to find out what Marianne comes up with - it's a bit of luck to have contact with her, Ulla.
"Oh, a dry white wine would be nice, thanks[,](.)" and I sat down joining Amelie and Tommy's wife Bente. -
here, as you've followed speech by action, then it's a period not a comma. Unless you prefer:
would be nice, thanks," I SAID, and sat down
But I needn't have worried[,](;) she stared back at me as if enraptured. - semi-colon
"What do you mean Bente?(") I uttered. - inverted commas
but she was tired, and admittedly so was I.
but she was tired and, admittedly, so was I.
and dig out as much as I can find(.)" - period
Margaret
Comment Written 02-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2015
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Thank you very much for your as ever useful review and corrections are already made. Yes, there is much more to come in my search of my roots. Thanks again. Ulla
Comment from jpduck
This is the kind of slightly complicated story that tempts the unwary author into doing a lot of 'telling'. But you have been able to convert this admirably into 'showing', mostly by the use of dialogue. Well done, Ulla.
Two suggestions and one SPAG. (Square brackets indicate suggested deletions, and asterisks, suggested insertions):
'Nothing had really changed during its 300 years of existence, [nor] *not even* the fact that it was still a popular place to meet up for an informal drink or two.'
'I do speak to Grethe [mind you], so I know what you two were planning to do' ('Mind you' is the wrong phrase here. It is customarily used to qualify or adjust something which a person has just said. You could use 'you know' instead, but the word 'know' already occurs three words later. Much the best solution would be simply to delete 'mind you'. It works fine without anything there).
'I looked at her in surprise*,* leaning towards her'
Adrian
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2015
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This is the kind of slightly complicated story that tempts the unwary author into doing a lot of 'telling'. But you have been able to convert this admirably into 'showing', mostly by the use of dialogue. Well done, Ulla.
Two suggestions and one SPAG. (Square brackets indicate suggested deletions, and asterisks, suggested insertions):
'Nothing had really changed during its 300 years of existence, [nor] *not even* the fact that it was still a popular place to meet up for an informal drink or two.'
'I do speak to Grethe [mind you], so I know what you two were planning to do' ('Mind you' is the wrong phrase here. It is customarily used to qualify or adjust something which a person has just said. You could use 'you know' instead, but the word 'know' already occurs three words later. Much the best solution would be simply to delete 'mind you'. It works fine without anything there).
'I looked at her in surprise*,* leaning towards her'
Adrian
Comment Written 02-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2015
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Thank you so much Adrian and for your most appreciated corrections which are all carried out. I am pleased that you like it. All best. Ulla