Miscellaneous Poems - vol 3
Viewing comments for Chapter 30 "To Heaven and Back"Yet more poems
27 total reviews
Comment from pipersfancy
Reminds me of John Lennon's 'Imagine':
Imagine there's no heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people living for today... etc.
Nice use of end rhymes throughout - I especially liked Seraphim/dim; green/scene; side/cried.
Good use of iambic meter for the most part - one line stands out as a little rough metrically:
'In search of the South Pole I went'
(just feels a bit 'clunky' in comparison to other lines)
Consider revising into more consistent meter to be more cohesive with the entire work.
e.g. to search the Southern Pole I went
or, to find the South Pole, I was sent
I enjoyed the progression of story/theme here, ending in a place that invites the reader to pause and contemplate the words just read.
Nicely penned - good luck in the contest,
Christina
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2015
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Reminds me of John Lennon's 'Imagine':
Imagine there's no heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people living for today... etc.
Nice use of end rhymes throughout - I especially liked Seraphim/dim; green/scene; side/cried.
Good use of iambic meter for the most part - one line stands out as a little rough metrically:
'In search of the South Pole I went'
(just feels a bit 'clunky' in comparison to other lines)
Consider revising into more consistent meter to be more cohesive with the entire work.
e.g. to search the Southern Pole I went
or, to find the South Pole, I was sent
I enjoyed the progression of story/theme here, ending in a place that invites the reader to pause and contemplate the words just read.
Nicely penned - good luck in the contest,
Christina
Comment Written 07-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2015
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One of my favourite songs - lyrically, perhaps THE favourite :) Thank you so much, Christina, for your kind words, and I am definitely going to do something about the line you mention - I agree with your assessment.
Comment from angel123
I enjoyed reading your poem. It held my attention and it flows and rhymes well. Some dreams are amazing. They can seem so real. Some say that our dreams are reality and our day to day life is the dream. I wonder! Your artwork choice is excellent for your poem. This is a six star poem, but I only have five stars for this rating.
Angel123
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2015
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I enjoyed reading your poem. It held my attention and it flows and rhymes well. Some dreams are amazing. They can seem so real. Some say that our dreams are reality and our day to day life is the dream. I wonder! Your artwork choice is excellent for your poem. This is a six star poem, but I only have five stars for this rating.
Angel123
Comment Written 06-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2015
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Thanks so much Angel123 for your kind comments. The fact that you enjoyed it is more important than the points, but they're appreciated too!
Comment from Sis Cat
This poem story reminded me of stories and songs, new and old, about visiting Heaven. You describe a utopian vision so beautiful that I would cry if I woke from a dream. Like a tour guide, you take the reader on a tour of Heaven. Thank you for sharing and hoping. I wish you success in the contest.
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2015
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This poem story reminded me of stories and songs, new and old, about visiting Heaven. You describe a utopian vision so beautiful that I would cry if I woke from a dream. Like a tour guide, you take the reader on a tour of Heaven. Thank you for sharing and hoping. I wish you success in the contest.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2015
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Thank you so much, Sis Cat for reading my poem; and many thanks for the kind words and good wishes.
Comment from Janet Foor
A profound and thought provoking dream in this well written piece. You kept my attention from beginning to end. Excellent rhyming couplets and internal rhyme. Well done and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2015
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A profound and thought provoking dream in this well written piece. You kept my attention from beginning to end. Excellent rhyming couplets and internal rhyme. Well done and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2015
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Thank you so much, Jmf4119, for your supportive comments, and for taking the time to read my poem. Thank you too, for the excellent rating, and your good wishes. Greatly appreciated.
Comment from Alan K Pease
I think you have done a wonderful job with this poem. Perhaps the poem was of heaven on Earth. All the things that God promised were there except for the myths such as streets paved with gold attractive to some who have or do not have wealth, but things of more value. Your poem is laced with excellent rhyme, rhythm - an easy read. I wish I had a six.
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2015
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I think you have done a wonderful job with this poem. Perhaps the poem was of heaven on Earth. All the things that God promised were there except for the myths such as streets paved with gold attractive to some who have or do not have wealth, but things of more value. Your poem is laced with excellent rhyme, rhythm - an easy read. I wish I had a six.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2015
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Thank you so much, Alan K Pease, for taking the time to read my poem, and for your kind comments. Your encouragement is very much appreciated :-)
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is a beautiful poem, mystery writer, beautiful words that have so much truth of earth today and the promise of God's kingdom on earth. I enjoyed reading it. if I had a six it would be yours. good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2015
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this is a beautiful poem, mystery writer, beautiful words that have so much truth of earth today and the promise of God's kingdom on earth. I enjoyed reading it. if I had a six it would be yours. good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2015
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Thank you so much, sweetwoodjax, for your very kind comments, and for taking the time to check out my poem. Your encouragement means a lot to me :-)
Comment from Twin2
I wanted to give this six stars but it gave me only five. This poem seemed so real as you said yet a dream. I found myself journeying with you. I saw the beauty of it all. This was absolutely fantastic. It rhymed throughout. Thanks so much.
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2015
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I wanted to give this six stars but it gave me only five. This poem seemed so real as you said yet a dream. I found myself journeying with you. I saw the beauty of it all. This was absolutely fantastic. It rhymed throughout. Thanks so much.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2015
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Thanks so much for taking the journey with me. I really appreciate you taking the time to read my poem, and your very kind remarks and rating. All the best to you!
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello author
Now here the kind of paradise I would like to have
When you said--
Man and beast, it's plain to see
Is just a false dichotomy.
(( We all are life, and all have worth))
and not by accident of birth.
From mankind's blindness we are led,
But not, it seems, until we're dead.
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2015
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Hello author
Now here the kind of paradise I would like to have
When you said--
Man and beast, it's plain to see
Is just a false dichotomy.
(( We all are life, and all have worth))
and not by accident of birth.
From mankind's blindness we are led,
But not, it seems, until we're dead.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2015
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Hi there Gert - Thank you very much for taking the time to read my poem, and for your kind and supportive comments; they're much appreciated.
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You are welcome.
Comment from Dean Kuch
Man, if this doesn't pull out a win in this contest, then the voting system in these contests is truly flawed. Is it long? Yes, very long. But, the rhyming, rhythm and flow are all impeccably well composed, from the very beginning, all the way through to the climactic end.
No religious differences, no killing, and no turning your backs on anyone. No hatred, conniving or treachery...
Yeah, I like your version of paradise quite a bit.
Excellent poem. I so wish I had a six to award you. I hope a vitual one will suffice for now.
Good luck. I'll be watching and waiting for your entry to hit the booths.
~Dean
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2015
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Man, if this doesn't pull out a win in this contest, then the voting system in these contests is truly flawed. Is it long? Yes, very long. But, the rhyming, rhythm and flow are all impeccably well composed, from the very beginning, all the way through to the climactic end.
No religious differences, no killing, and no turning your backs on anyone. No hatred, conniving or treachery...
Yeah, I like your version of paradise quite a bit.
Excellent poem. I so wish I had a six to award you. I hope a vitual one will suffice for now.
Good luck. I'll be watching and waiting for your entry to hit the booths.
~Dean
Comment Written 06-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2015
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Wow! Thanks so much for reading my poem, Dean, and especially thank you for your kind remarks. Getting a nice score is fun, but your encouragement means more. All the best :-)
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It was my pleasure. Unfortunately, five stars was the best I could do today. It well deserves a six in my book. :)
Comment from Chrissy710
If I had a 6 left it would be yours . What a beautiful read and a lovely sentiment, no wonder you bowed your head and cried, perhaps we all should. Your Stanzas were well thought out with a nice rhyming meter. Thanks for sharing this. I' m glad I read it
cheers Christine
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2015
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If I had a 6 left it would be yours . What a beautiful read and a lovely sentiment, no wonder you bowed your head and cried, perhaps we all should. Your Stanzas were well thought out with a nice rhyming meter. Thanks for sharing this. I' m glad I read it
cheers Christine
Comment Written 06-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2015
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Thanks so much, Christine, for your very kind words. I really appreciate you taking the time to read and comment on my poem. All the best to you :)