Get Well, Brooke!
Viewing comments for Chapter 10022 "The Laughing Brooke"Writing for Brooke
36 total reviews
Comment from petalangela
Stunning chapter to a book of supportive love and prayers.
The book grows as the love message swells
Thanks for sharing this wonderful piece of writing
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2015
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Stunning chapter to a book of supportive love and prayers.
The book grows as the love message swells
Thanks for sharing this wonderful piece of writing
Comment Written 05-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2015
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And thank you petalangela, for such a supportive and kind review. I appreciate this. MM
Comment from Treischel
This is a beautifully written tribute to that fabulous Fanstory friend, Brooke, that I'm sure she will love reading, as you included all here favorite things. Well crafted octaves with an alternating rhyme mono-scheme per stanza on a livery 9-7 cadence. Wonderful sentiment. A lovely piece.
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2015
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This is a beautifully written tribute to that fabulous Fanstory friend, Brooke, that I'm sure she will love reading, as you included all here favorite things. Well crafted octaves with an alternating rhyme mono-scheme per stanza on a livery 9-7 cadence. Wonderful sentiment. A lovely piece.
Comment Written 05-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2015
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Thank you for this nice review. I do hope Brooke enjoys her book.
Comment from Ronni
Truly exquisite, eloquent and totally befitting poem for our dear Brooke!
Your gentle weave of natures beauties and fairy world sentiments make
this a most enchanting read and likewise so tenderly and lovingly
encompasses all our affections and prayers for her. I am sure she will
be elated with this stunning reflection and poetic inspirations she has
shared with us for some time. Most perfect picture enhances the
tone and effect of the poem. Fantastic job Merri! Thanks for sharing.
Love always, Ronni
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2015
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Truly exquisite, eloquent and totally befitting poem for our dear Brooke!
Your gentle weave of natures beauties and fairy world sentiments make
this a most enchanting read and likewise so tenderly and lovingly
encompasses all our affections and prayers for her. I am sure she will
be elated with this stunning reflection and poetic inspirations she has
shared with us for some time. Most perfect picture enhances the
tone and effect of the poem. Fantastic job Merri! Thanks for sharing.
Love always, Ronni
Comment Written 04-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2015
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Thank you for your wonderful review, Ronni. I'm so glad you felt this was a fitting tribute to our Brooke, and I hope she will return to us soon. Your six star rating is greatly appreciated too. Thanks so much! Love, MM
Comment from BeasPeas
This is a well written and presented story poem in honor of your friend. I think it surely will make her feel better to know you care so much for her. Wonderfully clear and descriptive. Marilyn
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2015
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This is a well written and presented story poem in honor of your friend. I think it surely will make her feel better to know you care so much for her. Wonderfully clear and descriptive. Marilyn
Comment Written 04-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2015
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Thank you for this review, Marilyn. I hope it is enjoyed by our much-missed Brooke. MM
Comment from nancyjam
Beautiful Adonna! Your poem reflects your feelings
so well. I love how you incorporated her poetry
throughout.
The imagery is lovely as is the rhyme along with excellent meter for
a smooth flow.
It is a positive and inspirational message that will surely brighten
her days. Thanks for sharing. Nancy
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2015
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Beautiful Adonna! Your poem reflects your feelings
so well. I love how you incorporated her poetry
throughout.
The imagery is lovely as is the rhyme along with excellent meter for
a smooth flow.
It is a positive and inspirational message that will surely brighten
her days. Thanks for sharing. Nancy
Comment Written 04-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2015
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Thank you for this kind review Nancy. I certainly hope all these many good wishes will help cheer our Brooke. Thanks for the extra star. That's so nice of you!
Comment from robyn corum
Well, this is good and bad...
heartening and troubling...
I always find joyous and happy moments reading your beautiful and amazing poetry, MissMerri -- that's the positive side, of course. Learning of Brooke's illness this way is definitely the negative!
--> the only 'hiccups' I found were slight irregular beats in the rhythmic feet. Of course, I've been gone a while, and there's a great chance it's ME and my poetic ear at fault here!! *smile* If so, please forgive me!
I'm making notes below with suggestions toward the 'sounds' I'm missing.
1.)
"a golden array of flowers grew,
where the fairies forever played"
-to-
"a golden array of flowers
grew where the fairies played"
2.)
"I crept through the dandelions,
taking care with each step I took,
and there, by a stream, was an eagle.
In his beak was a book."
3.)
"I read, as I ventured nearer,
the title, now plain to see-"
4.)
"Our Get-well Wishes for Brooke,"
-to-
"Our Get Well Wishes for Brooke,"
5.)
"At that moment the Balding eagle
spread his wings and rose over the tree"
6.)
"a miniature fairy
dance."
7.)
last stanza:
FAB!!!
Hope you don't mind these thoughts and take them as they're meant -- though in actuality it would be hard to improve on the message and beauty of this piece, as is. I have no doubt Brooke was inspired and warmed. What a friend you are! God bless!
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2015
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Well, this is good and bad...
heartening and troubling...
I always find joyous and happy moments reading your beautiful and amazing poetry, MissMerri -- that's the positive side, of course. Learning of Brooke's illness this way is definitely the negative!
--> the only 'hiccups' I found were slight irregular beats in the rhythmic feet. Of course, I've been gone a while, and there's a great chance it's ME and my poetic ear at fault here!! *smile* If so, please forgive me!
I'm making notes below with suggestions toward the 'sounds' I'm missing.
1.)
"a golden array of flowers grew,
where the fairies forever played"
-to-
"a golden array of flowers
grew where the fairies played"
2.)
"I crept through the
taking care with each step I took,
and there, by a stream, was an eagle.
In his beak was a
3.)
"I read, as I ventured
the title, now plain to see-"
4.)
"Our Get-well Wishes for Brooke,"
-to-
"Our Get Well Wishes for Brooke,"
5.)
"At that moment the
spread his wings and rose over
6.)
"a miniature
7.)
last stanza:
FAB!!!
Hope you don't mind these thoughts and take them as they're meant -- though in actuality it would be hard to improve on the message and beauty of this piece, as is. I have no doubt Brooke was inspired and warmed. What a friend you are! God bless!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 04-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2015
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Robyn, I appreciate so much the time you took to suggest changes that would undoubtedly improve this poem. I will try to incorporate as many of them as I can. I hope you are aware that I purposely used anapestic meter as well as feminine endings which may alter the syllable count but not totally throw off the beat (hopefully) and in a longer poem I do this with a purpose in mind. In this case, it was mainly to keep the meter from becoming too sing-songy, and also to emphasize certain ideas. I've been taking mountainwriter49's advanced class in blank verse and that was one of the techniques he suggested and evidently he was pleased with my metric substitutions, but I like some of your suggestions very much too, and will certainly make some changes. Thank you again for the detailed review and ideas. They are much appreciated. MM
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As I said before, I FIGURED you knew what you were up to!! hahahaha It is very uncommon for ME to be able to help YOU in this regard! But again, I really enjoyed the poem Soooooo much, reminded me of even more reasons why I miss being around here. Even if you forget about MY own writing -- there are some of you that inspire me in such wonderful ways! Hugs and kisses!! --robo
Comment from mountainwriter49
Good Afternoon, Adonna,
Your poem for Brooke is beautiful and I enjoyed reading it this afternoon. I'm always amazed at how well you are able to pen such wonderful stories-in-a-poem. It's something I just cannot seem to do.
The octaves are well structured and provide the necessary 'space' to develop each aspect of the storyline. I admire your aBcBdBeB rhyme pattern. The rhymes are strong and effective.
Your use of anapestic meter is superb. Using the catalexis at the start of many lines adds the quick start and the rest just falls into line. This meter works so well with lines of varying length. Use of the full anapestic meter to start other lines adds both interest and spice to the read. Thus, given the length of this poem, the varying meter keeps the read from becoming dull an boring.
I admire your word-play with phrases such as:
*and saw in the pearls of dew
*a golden array of flowers grew
*the joy of a laughing brook
*balding eagle
*the dew was alight
Your use of alliteration is perfect--just right. Not too much so as to overpower a line, but just enough to make the read most delightful. For example: sheltering shade, etc.
There's just nothing to find that needs changing. The poem is perfect as it is. I'm sure Brooke will be quite pleased with it.
Well done,
Ray
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2015
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Good Afternoon, Adonna,
Your poem for Brooke is beautiful and I enjoyed reading it this afternoon. I'm always amazed at how well you are able to pen such wonderful stories-in-a-poem. It's something I just cannot seem to do.
The octaves are well structured and provide the necessary 'space' to develop each aspect of the storyline. I admire your aBcBdBeB rhyme pattern. The rhymes are strong and effective.
Your use of anapestic meter is superb. Using the catalexis at the start of many lines adds the quick start and the rest just falls into line. This meter works so well with lines of varying length. Use of the full anapestic meter to start other lines adds both interest and spice to the read. Thus, given the length of this poem, the varying meter keeps the read from becoming dull an boring.
I admire your word-play with phrases such as:
*and saw in the pearls of dew
*a golden array of flowers grew
*the joy of a laughing brook
*balding eagle
*the dew was alight
Your use of alliteration is perfect--just right. Not too much so as to overpower a line, but just enough to make the read most delightful. For example: sheltering shade, etc.
There's just nothing to find that needs changing. The poem is perfect as it is. I'm sure Brooke will be quite pleased with it.
Well done,
Ray
Comment Written 04-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2015
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Thank you for this most supportive and encouraging review. I can't tell you how it pleases me to find you are happy with my work. I have tried to incorporate some of the things you've been teaching us. If you are happy with it, then I'm happy too. ;")
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:-)
Comment from Sarah Butterfly
What a beautiful and heartfelt poem of getting well wishes for Brooke. It reads very fluently with excellent rhyme. Simply wonderful!
Kind regards
Sarah
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2015
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What a beautiful and heartfelt poem of getting well wishes for Brooke. It reads very fluently with excellent rhyme. Simply wonderful!
Kind regards
Sarah
Comment Written 04-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2015
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Thank you for this delightful and generous review, Sarah. I'm so glad you enjoyed the poem, and I hope Brooke will, when she's feeling better.
Comment from Jeanie Mercer
Miss Merri, this is so beautiful - and so fitting since it is the kind of poetry Brooke especially likes: rhyming poetry on happy, childhood subjects. I like that you mention the real names of all, including Brooke's last name, Baldwin. I'm sure all our prayers are heard in heaven, and whatever is best will be done for Brooke. Love and blessings, Jeanie
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2015
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Miss Merri, this is so beautiful - and so fitting since it is the kind of poetry Brooke especially likes: rhyming poetry on happy, childhood subjects. I like that you mention the real names of all, including Brooke's last name, Baldwin. I'm sure all our prayers are heard in heaven, and whatever is best will be done for Brooke. Love and blessings, Jeanie
Comment Written 04-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2015
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Thank you for this sweet and kind review, Jeanie. I agree that the many prayers have been heard. I'm so glad you liked how I did this.
Comment from NadineM
This was a lovely poem and tribute to Brooke. I noted all the words used to connect to Brooke's life, her loves and her gifts. Great imagery throughout this poem. Hoping the words you wrote and the prayers you've said will be felt in Brooke's heart. So many are thinking of her. Great to see collective thoughts and prayers for someone so important in the lives of those on FS.
Thanks for sharing this with me.
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2015
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This was a lovely poem and tribute to Brooke. I noted all the words used to connect to Brooke's life, her loves and her gifts. Great imagery throughout this poem. Hoping the words you wrote and the prayers you've said will be felt in Brooke's heart. So many are thinking of her. Great to see collective thoughts and prayers for someone so important in the lives of those on FS.
Thanks for sharing this with me.
Comment Written 04-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2015
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Thank you for sharing your thoughts Nadine. I enjoyed this review very much and you are right... so many are thinking of her and missing her poems and reviews, and wishing her well.