Misguided Hero
100 word dash21 total reviews
Comment from kiwisteveh
Good misdirection to put the reader off track and allowing that nice surprise ending - although maybe, to be fair to the reader, would a young girl be playing against 'men'?
I can understand the sideline anxiety, though!
Good luck.
Steve
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2015
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Good misdirection to put the reader off track and allowing that nice surprise ending - although maybe, to be fair to the reader, would a young girl be playing against 'men'?
I can understand the sideline anxiety, though!
Good luck.
Steve
Comment Written 01-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2015
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You are absolutely correct. I changed it to boys. Many thanks.
Comment from Debbie Noland
A fun O.Henry-type plot twist at the end distinguishes this short piece. You do a good job of misleading us to expect a gang rape or something, only to reveal at the end that this is a football game involving children. With the overreaction of the father, the story quickly becomes humorous and brings a chuckle. Good job.
reply by the author on 31-May-2015
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A fun O.Henry-type plot twist at the end distinguishes this short piece. You do a good job of misleading us to expect a gang rape or something, only to reveal at the end that this is a football game involving children. With the overreaction of the father, the story quickly becomes humorous and brings a chuckle. Good job.
Comment Written 31-May-2015
reply by the author on 31-May-2015
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Thanks so much.
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
Wow, did you bring home this surprise ending. Of course we were set up to feel this way, but, naturally, I let myself assume the worse. But it was sort of funny,notorious. I can just see a dad act that way.
Rhonda
reply by the author on 31-May-2015
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Wow, did you bring home this surprise ending. Of course we were set up to feel this way, but, naturally, I let myself assume the worse. But it was sort of funny,notorious. I can just see a dad act that way.
Rhonda
Comment Written 31-May-2015
reply by the author on 31-May-2015
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Thanks. Twists are just as much fun to write.
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It was really good.
Comment from Bill Schott
Funny story. I started out angry, grew confused, and was finally surprised at the ending. I can relate, having a daughter. Guess we can reach the over-protective mark, like this one.
reply by the author on 31-May-2015
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Funny story. I started out angry, grew confused, and was finally surprised at the ending. I can relate, having a daughter. Guess we can reach the over-protective mark, like this one.
Comment Written 31-May-2015
reply by the author on 31-May-2015
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All those emotions in three words. Wow! Thanks.
Comment from MizKat
Hello Writer,
You have done a really great job in writing this 100 word story. I found it to be very interesting, although when I first started reading it I thought the poor girl was being raped. I had to smile at the last line of it. I'm sure that you will get a lot of great reviews for it. I wish I could think of something cute to write like you did.
MizKat
reply by the author on 31-May-2015
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Hello Writer,
You have done a really great job in writing this 100 word story. I found it to be very interesting, although when I first started reading it I thought the poor girl was being raped. I had to smile at the last line of it. I'm sure that you will get a lot of great reviews for it. I wish I could think of something cute to write like you did.
MizKat
Comment Written 31-May-2015
reply by the author on 31-May-2015
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It was my intent to mislead the readers for a more enjoyable twist at the end. Thank you.
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It certainly was a great twist and you made it exactly 100 words long. Bravo!!
Comment from jpduck
I thought this was great, with an excellent twist in the tail. You found the perfect picture, as well. Good luck with the contest.
Adrian
reply by the author on 31-May-2015
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I thought this was great, with an excellent twist in the tail. You found the perfect picture, as well. Good luck with the contest.
Adrian
Comment Written 31-May-2015
reply by the author on 31-May-2015
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Thanks so much.
Comment from Michaelk
Brilliant! I never saw the ending coming, and I usually guess endings pretty well. Your story was amazingly descriptive yet kept out key pieces of information, leading the reader to jump to the wrong conclusion. I have written stories with this same concept, and I always enjoy reading one.
Very well done.
reply by the author on 31-May-2015
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Brilliant! I never saw the ending coming, and I usually guess endings pretty well. Your story was amazingly descriptive yet kept out key pieces of information, leading the reader to jump to the wrong conclusion. I have written stories with this same concept, and I always enjoy reading one.
Very well done.
Comment Written 31-May-2015
reply by the author on 31-May-2015
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Thanks so much. You're right, They are just as much fun to write as to read.
Comment from RodG
This short-short has all the elements. The reader roots for the rescuer until the coach's speech. Then we, like the rescuer, look on with a bit of egg on our faces. But there's an undertone of menace and deliberate malice toward women that will resonate with female readers I am sure despite the fact the girl chose to play football with boys.
reply by the author on 31-May-2015
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This short-short has all the elements. The reader roots for the rescuer until the coach's speech. Then we, like the rescuer, look on with a bit of egg on our faces. But there's an undertone of menace and deliberate malice toward women that will resonate with female readers I am sure despite the fact the girl chose to play football with boys.
Comment Written 31-May-2015
reply by the author on 31-May-2015
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Maybe, but it was a deliberate mislead, trying to make people jump to the conclusion of attack to work up to the twist. Thanks.
Comment from Dean Kuch
Ha-ha...equality at it's penultimate perfection, right? But hey, you can't blame the coach for being incensed. If she wanted to play a boys' game, on a boys' team, then she should expect to be treated...well... just like one of the boys.
Great 100 word flash. Good luck! ~Dean
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reply by the author on 31-May-2015
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Ha-ha...equality at it's penultimate perfection, right? But hey, you can't blame the coach for being incensed. If she wanted to play a boys' game, on a boys' team, then she should expect to be treated...well... just like one of the boys.
Great 100 word flash. Good luck! ~Dean
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Comment Written 31-May-2015
reply by the author on 31-May-2015
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Thanks so much. Glad you got a laugh.
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Anytime... :)
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
Gotta say I loved this little piece.
A little bit of misdirection at the outset, and a nice stinger in the punch-line. I think I may end up becoming Bob when my girl gets a bit older though!
GMG
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reply by the author on 31-May-2015
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Hi there,
Gotta say I loved this little piece.
A little bit of misdirection at the outset, and a nice stinger in the punch-line. I think I may end up becoming Bob when my girl gets a bit older though!
GMG
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 31-May-2015
reply by the author on 31-May-2015
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Some girls are just more athletic and competitive than others. It's probably a good thing that everyone gets to try out for teams these days, but as a parent, I too would feel protective. Thanks.