A Mother's Gamble
Flash fiction that describes a mother's desperate gamble.20 total reviews
Comment from angelface2
wow, this lady sure took a gamble, but I can easily see why she did. What if the truck driver had not stopped? would her baby be alive? Great short story!! :>D Miss Sally
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2015
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wow, this lady sure took a gamble, but I can easily see why she did. What if the truck driver had not stopped? would her baby be alive? Great short story!! :>D Miss Sally
Comment Written 03-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2015
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Good questions. In 100 words, she had few options. :)
Comment from Bill Schott
Whew! This story had me on the edge of my seat for its amazingly short run. Would the car explode? Would Mom die? Lots of tension in this brief fiction story.
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2015
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Whew! This story had me on the edge of my seat for its amazingly short run. Would the car explode? Would Mom die? Lots of tension in this brief fiction story.
Comment Written 03-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2015
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Thank you, Bill. I have found it's quite a challenge to add all the elements you need in few words, but I had fun doing it.
Comment from acerisestory
Your few short words got my attention, mystery author!
What a clever and incredible way to stop someone for help.
You've used fine imagery to tell your story. Impactful title. No Spags. Your accompanying artwork is a perfect enhancement for your story.
I wish you the best of luck in the contest. Alana
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2015
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Your few short words got my attention, mystery author!
What a clever and incredible way to stop someone for help.
You've used fine imagery to tell your story. Impactful title. No Spags. Your accompanying artwork is a perfect enhancement for your story.
I wish you the best of luck in the contest. Alana
Comment Written 03-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2015
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Thank you, Alana. What a sweet and welcomed review! I found it quite challenging to tell a whole story in 100 words! Thanks for taking the time to read it.
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You are welcome!
Comment from Cajungirl
Great 100 word dash contest entry! You have managed to tell a story with gripping emotion in only a few short words. Best of luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2015
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Great 100 word dash contest entry! You have managed to tell a story with gripping emotion in only a few short words. Best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 03-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2015
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Thank you, Cajungirl! It was fun.
Comment from Louise G 23
Extremely well done. A one-hundred word story that is gripping and feels resolved, which is not easy to do.
Excellent writing! I enjoyed this very much.
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2015
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Extremely well done. A one-hundred word story that is gripping and feels resolved, which is not easy to do.
Excellent writing! I enjoyed this very much.
Comment Written 03-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2015
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Thank you, Louise. It's fun to try something new,
Comment from joann r romei
This was very good and fit the prompt qualifications exactly, i did not spot any errors in this short piece, good luck, hope u win.
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2015
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This was very good and fit the prompt qualifications exactly, i did not spot any errors in this short piece, good luck, hope u win.
Comment Written 03-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2015
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Thank you, Joann. It was definitely a challenge.
Comment from K. Lorraine
A mother's instincts are usually right.
This was a good story, but a bit of a downer on Easter.
What's up with the snow? Isn't it spring where you live?
A real contender in the contest because of the subject idea. The readers like the tear jerkers and this one is good.
Thanks for sharing and best luck in the contest...
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2015
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A mother's instincts are usually right.
This was a good story, but a bit of a downer on Easter.
What's up with the snow? Isn't it spring where you live?
A real contender in the contest because of the subject idea. The readers like the tear jerkers and this one is good.
Thanks for sharing and best luck in the contest...
Comment Written 03-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2015
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Actually where my daughter lives in Maryland, they just had snow last week. A couple of days ago she said it was 2
32 degrees. For this story, though, it just seemed more challenging to have snow. It's hard to have a sympathetic character when it's pretty weather!
Thanks for the review. I love outside views!
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I live in SW Florida so, I don't know what its like to have snow anytime of the year, but Easter is spring time with green grass, leaves on the trees and flowers blooming. Hippity hoppity Easter is on its way...
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Florida!!! Yes, I'm sure it's beautiful there. Personally, I am sitting in the hospital with my husband right now. He had emergency surgery for diverticulitis and our egg hunting will be virtual. Hope yours goes much better than ours!
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My prayers are with you guys and a speedy recovery to your hubby. Thank you, we are expecting our son and family. It should be a fun-filled school spring vacation and a busy time for us... Blessing and a hippity hoppity happy Easter anyway.
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Thanks, I hope you have a lot of fun! We will do our best where we are. Thanks.
Comment from TAB_that's me
That is quite a gamble. I'm not sure a train could stop that fast but still a most wonderful flash fiction piece that tells a whole story. Good luck in the contest.
Teresa
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2015
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That is quite a gamble. I'm not sure a train could stop that fast but still a most wonderful flash fiction piece that tells a whole story. Good luck in the contest.
Teresa
Comment Written 03-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2015
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Yes, I thought about that, but it only had 100 words to stop in.
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true - lol:)
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Check again, now it's a truck, and that can stop in 100 words!
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I think that will be more believable and therefore a better entry:)
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thanks, that's why I like peer reviewing.
Comment from Nosha17
Well written piece of flash fiction. You have condensed the whole scenario well into just 100 words. Well described and good amount of drama in a short piece. Good luck in the contest. Faye
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2015
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Well written piece of flash fiction. You have condensed the whole scenario well into just 100 words. Well described and good amount of drama in a short piece. Good luck in the contest. Faye
Comment Written 03-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2015
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Thank you, Faye. My first draft, which I thought was really brief was about 150 words, then I had to begin chopping!
Comment from chandenee
The writing was well done. One thing, why didn't Emma get Melissa out herself if she was able to walk? I know you can't say everything in 100 words. I liked the story, it was well written. For the sentence "Emma's choice--wait until help arrived--or go for help" would be better punctuated "Emma's choice: wait until help arrived, or go for help." The dash is used for a break in thought, but the sentence flows well already. The colon is used when a list of things is to follow. In this case there are only two things but that comprises a list. A minor point as it does not detract from the story.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2015
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The writing was well done. One thing, why didn't Emma get Melissa out herself if she was able to walk? I know you can't say everything in 100 words. I liked the story, it was well written. For the sentence "Emma's choice--wait until help arrived--or go for help" would be better punctuated "Emma's choice: wait until help arrived, or go for help." The dash is used for a break in thought, but the sentence flows well already. The colon is used when a list of things is to follow. In this case there are only two things but that comprises a list. A minor point as it does not detract from the story.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 03-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2015
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Thank you, I will revisit!