South Australian Summer
Free verse24 total reviews
Comment from Maureen's Pen
Dear Tony - I enjoyed this work very much. It has a sleepy feel to it and then it opens, the day blooms, as you bring everything alive front and center with vivid imagery. Excellent poem my friend.
Thanks for sharing,
Maureen
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2015
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Dear Tony - I enjoyed this work very much. It has a sleepy feel to it and then it opens, the day blooms, as you bring everything alive front and center with vivid imagery. Excellent poem my friend.
Thanks for sharing,
Maureen
Comment Written 12-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2015
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Thank you so much, Maureen. What a kind thing to say. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from Andrewajgblue
I loved this so much, it gave such a strong sense of mental imagery, I felt like I was almost there, I loved your vivid wording and detail, " the moon to bathe such wounds of day in silver " brilliant, well done :)
Andrew
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2015
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I loved this so much, it gave such a strong sense of mental imagery, I felt like I was almost there, I loved your vivid wording and detail, " the moon to bathe such wounds of day in silver " brilliant, well done :)
Andrew
Comment Written 12-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2015
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Thank you so much, Andrew, for your very kind words and six stars.
Comment from Laurie Keim
Hi T.
I enjoyed this one very much.
St 1 There is a stillness in the air that emotionally is commensurate with anticipation. In fact the structure of the poem is diurnal: the passage of the sun into darkness.
St. 2 You chose my favourite parrots with their undulating flight. Rosellas and wheat farming go together. In your poem they became the transmission of light "the spark" against a blue that will eventually by the conclusion of the poem become a type of heaven. In terms of poetic exploration I like the change of rhythm in the last two lines of each stanza. It creates a unique tone.
St. 3 The key word here is "indifference". At the height of the action the poet has withdrawn into a position of pure observation and observes the natural forces going about their process.
St 4 Which I think is very beautiful is the link to the ghosting effects of night/moon/haunting. I guess it is at night that we again inhabit the land. This is such a wonderful insight into the body's reaction after a hot. still summer's day.
A fine poem with a fine conclusion.
St 4 l 5 (W)aiting typo
Cheers,
Laurie Keim
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2015
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Hi T.
I enjoyed this one very much.
St 1 There is a stillness in the air that emotionally is commensurate with anticipation. In fact the structure of the poem is diurnal: the passage of the sun into darkness.
St. 2 You chose my favourite parrots with their undulating flight. Rosellas and wheat farming go together. In your poem they became the transmission of light "the spark" against a blue that will eventually by the conclusion of the poem become a type of heaven. In terms of poetic exploration I like the change of rhythm in the last two lines of each stanza. It creates a unique tone.
St. 3 The key word here is "indifference". At the height of the action the poet has withdrawn into a position of pure observation and observes the natural forces going about their process.
St 4 Which I think is very beautiful is the link to the ghosting effects of night/moon/haunting. I guess it is at night that we again inhabit the land. This is such a wonderful insight into the body's reaction after a hot. still summer's day.
A fine poem with a fine conclusion.
St 4 l 5 (W)aiting typo
Cheers,
Laurie Keim
Comment Written 12-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2015
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Thanks, Laurie, for this in-depth review and for your comments, which encompass my intention absolutely. Thanks, too, for the six stars.
Comment from Domino 2
Excellent terse statements to create top imagery, Tony.
No boring blah-blah to cloud your descriptions in this top free verse.
You mention 'shade' twice, so maybe to avoid it sounding repetitive, with respect, maybe describe what causes the shade in both cases - a tree, boulder etc. - for extra imagery too.
Excellent read.
Cheers, Ray
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2015
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Excellent terse statements to create top imagery, Tony.
No boring blah-blah to cloud your descriptions in this top free verse.
You mention 'shade' twice, so maybe to avoid it sounding repetitive, with respect, maybe describe what causes the shade in both cases - a tree, boulder etc. - for extra imagery too.
Excellent read.
Cheers, Ray
Comment Written 12-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2015
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Thanks for your kind review and comment, Ray. I see where you are coming from about 'shade'. They were in fact flitting from tree to nearby tree,e but I thought the idea of shade more telling than its source.
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Thanks for your gracious reply, Tony.
Cheers, Ray.
Comment from BeasPeas
This is very nicely written. The reader can "feel" the mood of your piece. Descriptions are vivid with well-chosen wording. A glimpse of a tranquil hot summer scene in Australia.
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2015
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This is very nicely written. The reader can "feel" the mood of your piece. Descriptions are vivid with well-chosen wording. A glimpse of a tranquil hot summer scene in Australia.
Comment Written 12-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2015
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Thanks, BeasPeas. I'm glad that the sense of stifling heat came across strongly, for that was the intention.
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It did!
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
Hi Tony - a really good descriptive piece that gives a good idea about the heat of a South Australian summer. Your first stanza is lovely expressing the stillness and the quiet perfectly. Good use of metaphor in 'An ancient red gum sheds a swathe of sunburnt skin' - 'waiting for the moon to bathe such wounds of day in silver' - an overall lovely read. Warm regards Dorothy x
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2015
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Hi Tony - a really good descriptive piece that gives a good idea about the heat of a South Australian summer. Your first stanza is lovely expressing the stillness and the quiet perfectly. Good use of metaphor in 'An ancient red gum sheds a swathe of sunburnt skin' - 'waiting for the moon to bathe such wounds of day in silver' - an overall lovely read. Warm regards Dorothy x
Comment Written 12-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2015
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Thanks, Dorothy. I'm so glad you enjoyed this one. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from daeneam
I could feel the heat of the summer sun with your free verse. You presented it uniquely. Mostly, the concept of summer is swimming. But, this one is a perfect illustration of a well-loved season. c", Mae
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2015
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I could feel the heat of the summer sun with your free verse. You presented it uniquely. Mostly, the concept of summer is swimming. But, this one is a perfect illustration of a well-loved season. c", Mae
Comment Written 12-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2015
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Thanks, Mae. I'm so glad you enjoyed this one. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
That reminds me off a day in Spain, the silence, watching the insects find shades areas from the terrible heat of the midday sun. I enjoyed the way you wrote this, it was as if I was back there, as I read down the page. Excellent, Tony. I really enjoyed this beautiful poem. xsx Sandra
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2015
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That reminds me off a day in Spain, the silence, watching the insects find shades areas from the terrible heat of the midday sun. I enjoyed the way you wrote this, it was as if I was back there, as I read down the page. Excellent, Tony. I really enjoyed this beautiful poem. xsx Sandra
Comment Written 12-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2015
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Thanks, Sandra. I'm so glad you enjoyed this one. You are right. The SA summer is quite similar to Spain's. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from patcelaw
Your words painted some lovely pictures in my mind of the beauty of the summer in Australia. I have never been there and probably won't in this life time of mine, but do so much reading poetry and stories about your land. Patricia
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2015
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Your words painted some lovely pictures in my mind of the beauty of the summer in Australia. I have never been there and probably won't in this life time of mine, but do so much reading poetry and stories about your land. Patricia
Comment Written 12-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2015
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Thanks, Patricia. I'm so glad you enjoyed this one. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from Louise Michelle
Hi Tony,
You started out with a sleepy scene that came to life as creatures of the night appeared. Great alliteration in sheds swathe sunburnt splotched. Nicely done.
Hugs,
Lou
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2015
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Hi Tony,
You started out with a sleepy scene that came to life as creatures of the night appeared. Great alliteration in sheds swathe sunburnt splotched. Nicely done.
Hugs,
Lou
Comment Written 12-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2015
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Thanks, Lou. I'm so glad you enjoyed this one. Best wishes, Tony