My Little Book of 5-7-5's
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "Haiku Eludes Me"2015
20 total reviews
Comment from Domino 2
Fun and informative notes, Debs.
Haiku can be over-rated and has a mystique attached by some, though I often find it fun to write and read.
Original and self-effacing entertaining read.
Cheers, Ray xx
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2015
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Fun and informative notes, Debs.
Haiku can be over-rated and has a mystique attached by some, though I often find it fun to write and read.
Original and self-effacing entertaining read.
Cheers, Ray xx
Comment Written 25-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2015
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Thank you, Ray for your great feedback :) Kindest regards as always, Debs x
Comment from pipersfancy
Wonderful story told in few syllables - I think of Haiku as such a rich expression of Japanese culture... I think it's rare when we, raised in Western culture, truly do justice to this poetic form. Nonetheless, I really enjoyed this work! I wish you the best of luck in the contest!
Christina
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2015
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Wonderful story told in few syllables - I think of Haiku as such a rich expression of Japanese culture... I think it's rare when we, raised in Western culture, truly do justice to this poetic form. Nonetheless, I really enjoyed this work! I wish you the best of luck in the contest!
Christina
Comment Written 25-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2015
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Thank you, Christina, for your great feedback and good luck wishes. Much appreciated! Kindest regards as always, Debra x
Comment from Louise Michelle
LOL - I love your humor, Debra and can certainly relate. Your notes about accidentally turning out a haiku cracked me up. Writing is more fun when we don't have to abide by so many rules. Hugs, Lou
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2015
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LOL - I love your humor, Debra and can certainly relate. Your notes about accidentally turning out a haiku cracked me up. Writing is more fun when we don't have to abide by so many rules. Hugs, Lou
Comment Written 25-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2015
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Hi Lou :) Thank you for your great feedback :) Kindest regards, Debra
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
The photo reminds me of Helen Shapiro. I think you have done a good job on this Haiku, Debra, not that I know anything about them, as you say, they have the same syllable count as a 5-7-5, yet they are different! I liked it, anyway!! :) Sandra
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2015
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The photo reminds me of Helen Shapiro. I think you have done a good job on this Haiku, Debra, not that I know anything about them, as you say, they have the same syllable count as a 5-7-5, yet they are different! I liked it, anyway!! :) Sandra
Comment Written 25-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2015
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Thank you Sandra :) Glad you enjoyed it... I will have to look Helen Shapiro up - the name sounds familiar, but I can't recall who she is! Kindest regards as always, love Debra x
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She is probably before your time, Helen Shapiro became famous at the age of 14, the era of the Beetles, about 1960/61. She had a few hits for a few years, then faded and ended up doing nightclubs.
Comment from mauial
This although is not a haiku, but a 5-7-5, but to me, this sure could pass as a senryu because it is very satiric as senryu's are. Love the poem/
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2015
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This although is not a haiku, but a 5-7-5, but to me, this sure could pass as a senryu because it is very satiric as senryu's are. Love the poem/
Comment Written 25-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2015
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Thank you mauial for your great feedback. Kindest regards, Debra :)
Comment from rama devi
Good 5-7-5 contest entry. Love the mentioning of Basho. Nice pairing of perplexed, put and pen for fine alliterative effect. nice assonance of soft E in perplexed, pen, rests, etc.
Good presentation too--fun picture to complement your theme and image!
no nits, as there are no rules for 5-7-5 except syllable count, and you got that down pat! My only suggestion is to consider removing both periods, as they are not required (but also fine to keep). To me, they make it looked a bit cluttered in such a short poem--I usually prefer the minimal punctuation style in three-liners (though not always)
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2015
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Good 5-7-5 contest entry. Love the mentioning of Basho. Nice pairing of perplexed, put and pen for fine alliterative effect. nice assonance of soft E in perplexed, pen, rests, etc.
Good presentation too--fun picture to complement your theme and image!
no nits, as there are no rules for 5-7-5 except syllable count, and you got that down pat! My only suggestion is to consider removing both periods, as they are not required (but also fine to keep). To me, they make it looked a bit cluttered in such a short poem--I usually prefer the minimal punctuation style in three-liners (though not always)
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 25-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2015
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Hi rama :) Thank you for your great feedback and for your suggestions. Much appreciated as always. Love, Debra x
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My pleasure, as always, Debra. Love, rd :) xo
Comment from antonie01
This is a good piece of poetry .Precise and informative.Not easy in the Haiku format.Very clever.I enjoyed it very much and can not criticise anything.
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2015
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This is a good piece of poetry .Precise and informative.Not easy in the Haiku format.Very clever.I enjoyed it very much and can not criticise anything.
Comment Written 25-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2015
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Thank you for your great feedback :) Kind regards, Debra
Comment from emrpoems
love the third line and saw the significance after reading your notes. Perfect pairing of picture and poem
Excellent syllable count for the 5-7-5 form
Good luck in the contest
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reply by the author on 28-Jan-2015
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love the third line and saw the significance after reading your notes. Perfect pairing of picture and poem
Excellent syllable count for the 5-7-5 form
Good luck in the contest
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 25-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2015
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Thank you for your great feedback and good luck wishes. I appreciate both! Kindest regards, Debra :)
Comment from Samuel Dickens
Now I know I'm not the only one, so thank you for your bravery. I'd never even heard of a haiku until about ten years ago. To me, poetry was what Frost and Poe wrote.
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reply by the author on 28-Jan-2015
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Now I know I'm not the only one, so thank you for your bravery. I'd never even heard of a haiku until about ten years ago. To me, poetry was what Frost and Poe wrote.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 25-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2015
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Thank you Samuel for your great feedback. Kind regards, Debra :)
Comment from gypsycaravan
Thanks for the author's notes information to accompany this piece. I love the message encased in this poem and the twist in the third line from the author's puzzlement to the master's disturbance. Excellent, Debra. Spitfire, a master herself of the haiku and sneery and Adewpearl, another master of the craft, told me that haikus are solely about nature and 5-7-5 sentry's are about man or people. I don't know myself but thought I'd pass that on to you. Anyway, it is a wonderful 5-7-5. I hope you will continue to write them.
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2015
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Thanks for the author's notes information to accompany this piece. I love the message encased in this poem and the twist in the third line from the author's puzzlement to the master's disturbance. Excellent, Debra. Spitfire, a master herself of the haiku and sneery and Adewpearl, another master of the craft, told me that haikus are solely about nature and 5-7-5 sentry's are about man or people. I don't know myself but thought I'd pass that on to you. Anyway, it is a wonderful 5-7-5. I hope you will continue to write them.
Comment Written 25-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2015
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Hi gypsycaravan :) Thank you so much for your wonderful feedback and generous 6* rating! I truly appreciate both :) Kindest regards as always, Debra x
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Gosh, I hate auto-correct. "sneery" and "sentry" in my review were both supposed to be "senryu"
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LOL! I figured that out :) x