Comment from amahra

Excellent

Hey Deany Boy. This one didn't scare me. You always scare me. You're not losing your scare-cool are you? Anyway, I believe if you were allowed just a few more words, I think my pants would be wet right now. LOL It was a good entry.

 Comment Written 19-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 19-Oct-2014

Thanks, amahra. This one was intended more as terror than horror, and there is a big difference contrary to popular belief. Horror makes you look over your shoulder to see who (or what) is looking back at you, while terror immerses you in the situation and fills you with more dread than anything else. That's what I was striving for.

Thanks for the review, I do appreciate it. :}

Comment from Genya

Excellent

Yes, this is scary. Knew I should have waited until the morning to read this. A great story that kept me on the edge of my seat. What a scary doll, don't think I would have bought that off ebay. Gone for two weeks has she, can't imagine what you'll be like when she gets back. Hungry, thirsty, can't take me eyes off her.... Good luck in the contest. This is brilliant and all in so few words. Genya

 Comment Written 19-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 19-Oct-2014

Thanks so much, Genya, and I'm happy to know that you felt is was brilliant, at least. Unfortunately, not too many voters did, however, as the contest ended last night. I lost, 7-4. Still, I hope it sent chills up and down your spine as it was meant to do.

Thanks so mcuh for your thoughtful review.

Comment from rama devi

Excellent

Good one. YOu manage to include conflict and 'resolution' (a tragic one) and a deep POV in so few words. Well paced. Well set up to make the reader worry about your character. Superb word economy. Scary picture. Yikes! Unique write.

One suggestion--to put this internal dialog in italics:

She'll come over if I don't answer... right?


Which means, if you accept that suggestion, you might want to use bold on RIGHT to accentuate it that way.

Good luck in the contest...a strong contender, I imagine.

Warmly, rd

 Comment Written 19-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 19-Oct-2014

Thanks, rama, but all of the narrative is of the doomed protagonists thoughts, and he has vocalized nothing. The only vocalization is coming from Beth, on the telephone answering machine. Hence, the quotation marks before her statement.

As for the contest, I've already lost, 7-4. Still, I do appreciate you taking time out to read and review it for me. It has been a while since I've heard anything from you.

Much appreciated. :}

reply by rama devi on 19-Oct-2014

Yes i understood those were all his internal thoughts but when it is said as if a question it felt more like internal dialog. Thoughts and dialog--slightly different. Sometimes I mix deep POV thoughts with dialog lines in italic. Make sense?

I have been super busy and am also weaning off FS. So I do not review as much as before and certainly cannot review all posts of all friends. In Dec...I will be only a standard member and reviewing rarely. So it's nothing personal to you...I'm less active here since months except for the past week or so, I've been reviewing a bit...no way to catch up...impossible...hundreds of fan's posts missed....

Warmly, rd

reply by the author on 19-Oct-2014

Well, you will be sorely missed, rama. I've always had a deep admiration for your abilities as both an acclaimed poet and author, and for the ways in which you always seem to so expertly dissect ones work.

Thanks so much again.

Be well!~ :}

reply by rama devi on 19-Oct-2014

Aw, thanks, Dean. So kind of you to say so. Will not be fully gone--just less active. Be well too. Please feel free to stay connected off site. My email: ramadevinina@yahoo.com - and feel free to share that with anyone you know who may be searching for an editor (to hire). Also on Facebook, Twitter and Linked IN as Rama Devi Nina Marshall
Best Wishes,
rd

reply by the author on 19-Oct-2014

Will do, rama, and thanks for all the support you've given me personally.

Best wishes to you and yours as well~

reply by rama devi on 19-Oct-2014

Thank you too! :-) Warmly, rd

Comment from Selina Stambi

Excellent

Fabulous piece of dash-fiction, sir!

My daughter saw the movie Annabelle last night (about a 'haunted' doll). She was quite freaked out. I showed her this story!

I know who you are, of course, mystery writer!

Best wishes for the contest. I predict a win.

Sonai

 Comment Written 19-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 19-Oct-2014

Thanks, Reach, and me and the wife are going to watch Annabelle tomorrow night. I hope it's as scary as it looks.

As for the contest...well, I wish you were right. I got my butt handed to me by Michael Cahill's entry, "A Matter of Justice". But, the voters have spoken, and what's done is done... :{

reply by Selina Stambi on 19-Oct-2014

Too bad. I'll have to check out Michael's story. This was a good one, though. Going to be away Down Under and NZ for a month. Hoping to meet some FS fiends while I'm away (I mean friends!).

reply by the author on 19-Oct-2014

Hah, no, I believe you were right the first time, Reach.

Be safe, and have fun...

reply by Selina Stambi on 19-Oct-2014

Heh heh (to quote someone I know!)

Comment from mauial

Excellent

It' kind of creepy that the main character would rather spend time with a doll he purchased from ebay then with a live person, Beth.

 Comment Written 19-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 19-Oct-2014

He never intended to, mauial. It was the powers of the doll which held him captive. I doubt very seriously if he'd rather starve, soil himself and die of dehydration, than spend time with his beloved, Beth. Unfortunately, he was warned before he purchased the doll...

Thanks for your comments.

Comment from lakeport

Excellent

She's such a doll. indeed that looks like a haunted doll, I enjoyed reading the story, Good luck at the contest, God bless you. lakeport.

 Comment Written 19-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 19-Oct-2014

Well, as far as the contest goes, I lost my butt on this one, 7-4, both in votes and in promotion, lakeport. Live and learn, I always say...

Thanks for your thoughtful review and well wishes for the contest just the same.

reply by lakeport on 19-Oct-2014

your welcome, I don't know how the contests work,and who votes for that.Lakeport,

reply by the author on 19-Oct-2014

We do, all the writers of this community get to vote, for the majority of them. For prompts, you simply go to the contests booth page, fourth tab over at the top, under "CONTESTS". Click on it, and the contest booths appear. Choose an contest or prompt, then start voting. It's that simple.

reply by lakeport on 19-Oct-2014

thank you very much for the info.Lakeport.

Comment from Louise Michelle

Exceptional

Hi Dean,

I love this! What a perfect example of how a good flash should be written. The ending totally stimulates one's imagination. We know he's doomed. More details are not necessary. Thank you for entertaining me.

Hugs,
Lou

 Comment Written 19-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 19-Oct-2014

Thank you for the fantastic rating and review, Lou. I wish I had you around when the voting was going down. I got my ever-lovin' butt spanked in this contest, LOL!

Thanks so much again! :}

Comment from Michaelk

Exceptional

Wonderful! I always enjoy your horror prose. I wish you would write some more of it, especially around this time of year.
Excellent story, so descriptive and enthralling. At first I thought you were going to do an 'Annabelle' type story. But this is much worse. The utter helplessness would be horrible. And to think that you are about to be rescued, only to have your hopes crushed like that...That my friend, is what terror is all about. :)

 Comment Written 19-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 19-Oct-2014

Well, thank heavens someone out there comprehended and understood what I was trying to convey in this story. You got it, as well as a few others, but most claimed that the ending was confusing. I didn't think it was confusing at all, did you? Pretty simple and straight forward, if you were to ask me. The dude was gonna die unless someone else other than his significant other, Beth, would come over to check up on him. Now, that wasn't too difficult to figure out, was it, Michael? I wonder about people sometimes...

Thanks so much for your exceptional rating and complimentary review. But, more than that, for understanding the gist of the terror tale completely. Too bad more of the people who voted didn't "get it" as well.

reply by Michaelk on 19-Oct-2014

Maybe it takes a certain mindframe to see it. I thought it was very clear. This goes back to that essay I wrote about the difference between horror and terror. This is terror, and it is much more powerful if done right. I think this story was done to perfection (and my rating shows it) it wasn't understated or overstated.
Write on! :)

reply by the author on 19-Oct-2014

Thanks, Michael, and I certainly will, my fellow horror aficionado and friend. You do the same, and thanks so much again! :}

Comment from Acquired Taste

Excellent

Oh, yesss. Am going to go to the side bedroom and smash every porcelain doll in there - then, no issues with eyes staring at me. On the other hand, their little feet and arms may start crawling around the house. Well, am in the mood to hire a security guard or priest for my house! Good luck...AT=/

 Comment Written 19-Oct-2014

Comment from Val Crisson

Excellent

Good flash fiction, but I had a little problem following it after "phone's ringing...Beth" You made a little hard to follow at that point, and I had to read it three times to make sense of it. I would have left it at "deadly stare" - possibly built it up earlier in the story.

 Comment Written 18-Oct-2014