The Summer Girl
A 100 Flash Fiction Piece19 total reviews
Comment from Smoothiecool
good luck in the contest
your few chosen words allow the reader to see and feel the summer girl that came to town in a red convertible and stole the young mans heart and left as the summer came to a close
flows well easy read
cheers Smoothiecool
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2014
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good luck in the contest
your few chosen words allow the reader to see and feel the summer girl that came to town in a red convertible and stole the young mans heart and left as the summer came to a close
flows well easy read
cheers Smoothiecool
Comment Written 15-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2014
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Thanks for the great review. So happy that you liked the story. Grateful for that luck!
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most welcome...SC
Comment from Karen B.
A bit sad and well told as an entire story in just these few words. Great imagery and use of emotion. Best wishes in the contest!
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2014
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A bit sad and well told as an entire story in just these few words. Great imagery and use of emotion. Best wishes in the contest!
Comment Written 15-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2014
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Thanks for the great review and your gracious remarks. So glad you liked the story!
Comment from sibhus
Wow, this is really good. Drama, tragedy, the rendering of the heart all in a hundred words, really good. What's nice about this is it's so believable, as actually happening. Good story. and good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2014
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Wow, this is really good. Drama, tragedy, the rendering of the heart all in a hundred words, really good. What's nice about this is it's so believable, as actually happening. Good story. and good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 15-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2014
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So happy that you liked the story so much! Your kind remarks mean a lot to me. So encouraging!
Thanks again.
Comment from Millibrad
Your story is beautiful. It reads like poetry. The boy falls in love with this girl who is surrounded in mystery. "Life chased her; she had no need to pursue it. Indeed, she seemed to flee the Furies."
The red convertible and the crimson scarf hint of passion and perhaps danger. Even the flames in the artwork you have chosen support this. Yet, he falls hard for her anyway.
I would scrap the last line and find somewhere else to make up the five words. I think your story should end at the bottom of the third paragraph.
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2014
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Your story is beautiful. It reads like poetry. The boy falls in love with this girl who is surrounded in mystery. "Life chased her; she had no need to pursue it. Indeed, she seemed to flee the Furies."
The red convertible and the crimson scarf hint of passion and perhaps danger. Even the flames in the artwork you have chosen support this. Yet, he falls hard for her anyway.
I would scrap the last line and find somewhere else to make up the five words. I think your story should end at the bottom of the third paragraph.
Comment Written 15-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2014
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Thanks for the wonderful review. I appreciate the detailed review and your marvelous attention to detail.
Agreed! That last line really troubled me, so I ditched it. When you have time, can you take a look and see what you think? I'd really like to know.
Thanks for the great support and your wonderful notes. Great reviewers make for much better writers!
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Yes. Much improved, I think. Good luck.
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Thanks. :)
Comment from humpwhistle
Nice poetic take on the prompt. I like the bit about her being chased by life instead have having to pursue it.
I think these intense summer infatuations are pretty common, so readers will be able to relate.
Best of luck at the polls.
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2014
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Nice poetic take on the prompt. I like the bit about her being chased by life instead have having to pursue it.
I think these intense summer infatuations are pretty common, so readers will be able to relate.
Best of luck at the polls.
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 15-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2014
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Thanks for the detailed and understanding review--and for the luck. I need it! Glad you like the story.
Comment from Cajungirl
Excellent very descriptive and complete story in only the required one-hundred words. I felt as though I was reading a great piece of poetry. Best of luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2014
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Excellent very descriptive and complete story in only the required one-hundred words. I felt as though I was reading a great piece of poetry. Best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 15-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2014
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Wow. Thanks for such a kind review! I'm so glad you liked the story. And I need that luck. Thanks again.
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You are welcome.
Comment from adewpearl
I love this character-driven story because of your intriguing look at this bigger-than-life young woman. I'm drawn to her as a person whom life chased :-)
Poignant closing with the smitten guy's regrets. Brooke
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2014
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I love this character-driven story because of your intriguing look at this bigger-than-life young woman. I'm drawn to her as a person whom life chased :-)
Poignant closing with the smitten guy's regrets. Brooke
Comment Written 15-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2014
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So glad you liked the story and the character. Thanks for the supportive review.
I'm glad you liked the closing, too. I thought the poignancy worked, but tons of complaints on that last line. Tons. "Regret what?" is the constant hue and cry. Thought it was obvious. Bowed to the masses and made changes.
Now I'm mad at myself. LOL
You know how it is.
Thanks again for the support and encouragement.
Comment from mfowler
My first thoughts were of Olivia Newton John in "Grease". She was the summer romance, and that was that, until she met up with Vinny at high school. OK, your lady is no ONJ, a much more distant, and tragic character is portrayed here. Oh, yeah, she sounds perfect, and the summer romance was fantastic, but she blew out of town almost as quickly as she came. And she left him, leaving him feeling guilty. Your narrative has all the elements required, and some interesting language to give the characters substance. I loved this for setting up the character of the femme fatale: Life chased her; she had no need to pursue it. Indeed, she seemed to flee the Furies.
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2014
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My first thoughts were of Olivia Newton John in "Grease". She was the summer romance, and that was that, until she met up with Vinny at high school. OK, your lady is no ONJ, a much more distant, and tragic character is portrayed here. Oh, yeah, she sounds perfect, and the summer romance was fantastic, but she blew out of town almost as quickly as she came. And she left him, leaving him feeling guilty. Your narrative has all the elements required, and some interesting language to give the characters substance. I loved this for setting up the character of the femme fatale: Life chased her; she had no need to pursue it. Indeed, she seemed to flee the Furies.
Comment Written 15-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2014
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Thank you for the great review and detailed comments. I was in high school when Vinnie and Sandy hit the movie screen, and they were "the bomb," as people say now. I did love that whole "summer lovin'" concept. I'm so happy that you got the point here--this women is definitely not a Sandy, and she's left some damage behind.
I've not written anything in a while. Your encouragement means so much to me. I was feeling very rusty, and I just had to clear those cobwebs. I'm sure you know what I mean.
Thanks again!
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100 words will begin removing the rust, You must now spread your wings after the warm up. Thanks for reminding me: Summer Loving; I can still see them singing that.
Your story was terrific.
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Thanks again. I will try to shake these wings out and spread them soon.
I'm truly grateful.
Yes, that number was fabulous, wasn't it?
:)
Comment from Bill Schott
This is a different take on the summer love concept and a good one. This story offers the powerful personality that sweeps a young person off his feet and etches herself in his mind forever. Nice.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2014
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This is a different take on the summer love concept and a good one. This story offers the powerful personality that sweeps a young person off his feet and etches herself in his mind forever. Nice.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 15-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2014
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Thanks for the great review. I'm happy to know that you liked the different take on the "summer lovin'" theme. Yes, I wanted to paint a portrait of a flawed personality who left some damage in her wake, as opposed to the usual sweetly tragic duo. I'm so glad that it came across as intended.
I'm a bit rusty, as I've been off FS for quite a while. Your encouragement means a lot to me. Thanks for the support.