At Last Light
A beach poem40 total reviews
Comment from reconciled
this rocks captain...-smile-....I could wait I have to go too bed....but this six city for sure....exceptional writing....I haven't read anything other from you sir....alright great read....love michael
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2014
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this rocks captain...-smile-....I could wait I have to go too bed....but this six city for sure....exceptional writing....I haven't read anything other from you sir....alright great read....love michael
Comment Written 08-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2014
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Thanks so much, Michael. I really appreciate it! David
Comment from Donya Quijote
I've read this unique poem several times trying to work out something to say and offer a reason why I keep coming back to it rather than let it go.
It's much deeper and thoughtful than the images on its surface would indicate. Its simple beach scene masks hidden meaning beneath the sand and flames. I have never scene fires at the beach. the beaches I have been to didn't allow that. It must be a romantic site to say the least.
Anyway, back to your poem. I am not sure of your intentions with this one. Sometimes I think the poet write something that he sees one way and the many readers readers are destined to see it in another light, a light that the poet may not have intended.
Two themes keep coming to my mind each time I read this poem: loss and loneliness. They can be exclusive. With regard to the loss aspect I get the feeling the loss is that of love, a broken relationship of some kind. The relationship could be that of a lover or a deep and profound friendship, the kind of friendship that is so hard to find and maintain in a world that runs too fast and is caught up in the frills of gadgetry.
The loneliness is found in the scene itself. I sense isolation and darkness that far deeper than the imagery here. This to me is most evident in the last line where the poet's mind captures the flame of the fire to light the darkness therein.
I was also struck by the image of someone crabbing but was merely a flash provoked by the mention of an orange bauble, and lines and nets. I have never engaged in such an activity. Can't stand the smell of crabs and I don't eat shellfish. My stomach declared itself kosher many, many years ago. But fishing, that's a fun activity. I digress.
See what your poetry does!!!
Anyway, this theme of loneliness has been a constant of late. I hope these writings are merely an exercise and not revealing inner turmoil. I am likely reading too much into it but the melancholy tone has awakened a kind of sixth sense I have. Forgive me if I have read too deeply...
Do take care. I think I have missed the Friday roasting of our beloved rogue. Did he appear this week?
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2014
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I've read this unique poem several times trying to work out something to say and offer a reason why I keep coming back to it rather than let it go.
It's much deeper and thoughtful than the images on its surface would indicate. Its simple beach scene masks hidden meaning beneath the sand and flames. I have never scene fires at the beach. the beaches I have been to didn't allow that. It must be a romantic site to say the least.
Anyway, back to your poem. I am not sure of your intentions with this one. Sometimes I think the poet write something that he sees one way and the many readers readers are destined to see it in another light, a light that the poet may not have intended.
Two themes keep coming to my mind each time I read this poem: loss and loneliness. They can be exclusive. With regard to the loss aspect I get the feeling the loss is that of love, a broken relationship of some kind. The relationship could be that of a lover or a deep and profound friendship, the kind of friendship that is so hard to find and maintain in a world that runs too fast and is caught up in the frills of gadgetry.
The loneliness is found in the scene itself. I sense isolation and darkness that far deeper than the imagery here. This to me is most evident in the last line where the poet's mind captures the flame of the fire to light the darkness therein.
I was also struck by the image of someone crabbing but was merely a flash provoked by the mention of an orange bauble, and lines and nets. I have never engaged in such an activity. Can't stand the smell of crabs and I don't eat shellfish. My stomach declared itself kosher many, many years ago. But fishing, that's a fun activity. I digress.
See what your poetry does!!!
Anyway, this theme of loneliness has been a constant of late. I hope these writings are merely an exercise and not revealing inner turmoil. I am likely reading too much into it but the melancholy tone has awakened a kind of sixth sense I have. Forgive me if I have read too deeply...
Do take care. I think I have missed the Friday roasting of our beloved rogue. Did he appear this week?
Comment Written 08-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2014
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Thanks so much, Donya, for always delving deeply into my work. You're very right about the loss and loneliness, though I'm not a lonely guy. This more or less brought me back to L.A. after losing someone I was close to in a town where I wasn't close to many, and a beach fire is NOT something you want to be in front of by yourself. By its very nature, its' something shared.
I love that you always let your mind go, and I appreciate your great thoughts.
The rogue was away this week, and may be for a bit, but he'll be back. No challengers this time.
Comment from joeakeefe
I read this piece three times before I began to write the response to it. The reader is caught up in the scene and the mood which you have created. That I believe youaccomlished with some excellent descriptors. For example:
"the daylight fades a door prepared to shut"
And then "harnessed by the night."
Your first two lines of the third stanza sets such a quiet mood tied to the loss of the light--sleep time lads!
And the "slick, half sunken tire"
You made it half sunken and that made the difference to the reader.
Great job. l Enjoyed reading the work.
joeakeefe
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2014
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I read this piece three times before I began to write the response to it. The reader is caught up in the scene and the mood which you have created. That I believe youaccomlished with some excellent descriptors. For example:
"the daylight fades a door prepared to shut"
And then "harnessed by the night."
Your first two lines of the third stanza sets such a quiet mood tied to the loss of the light--sleep time lads!
And the "slick, half sunken tire"
You made it half sunken and that made the difference to the reader.
Great job. l Enjoyed reading the work.
joeakeefe
Comment Written 08-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2014
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Thanks so much, Joe, for taking your time to write a response. I really appreciate your input and kind words.
Comment from Norbanus
I trust your sound advice to not freak out
but such a scheme reduces me to mush.
Enlightened by the roaring beachfront fire,
and in frozen breeze I still perspire.
My girl sits far away in sullen pout.
complaining that I've given her the rush.
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2014
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I trust your sound advice to not freak out
but such a scheme reduces me to mush.
Enlightened by the roaring beachfront fire,
and in frozen breeze I still perspire.
My girl sits far away in sullen pout.
complaining that I've given her the rush.
Comment Written 08-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2014
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Many thanks, my friend, for your great poetic review. I appreciate it.
Comment from Tatarka2
Not freaking out. I just don't see how this could be improved. I loved the alliteration, and the way you paint a "word/feeling" picture with your well-chosen words. Very lyrically written, I think; the poem flows beautifully.
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2014
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Not freaking out. I just don't see how this could be improved. I loved the alliteration, and the way you paint a "word/feeling" picture with your well-chosen words. Very lyrically written, I think; the poem flows beautifully.
Comment Written 08-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2014
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Wow, another sixer. Thanks so much, Tatarka, for that, and for not freaking out . :) As always, your thoughts mean a lot.
Comment from Dawn of Tomorrow
Oh my God, I can't follow this at all, what kind of awful rhyme scheme is this? Is that freaky enough for ya? LOL You did a great job with that rhyme scheme, I've tried weird ones like that before and it takes a smoothness in the words to make it work and you've done a great job. The poem is very cohesive and feels right when read.
Skip thoughts across the waves to feel them rise
Love that line, love the visual it creates. Very well done, Mr. Bradsher.
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2014
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Oh my God, I can't follow this at all, what kind of awful rhyme scheme is this? Is that freaky enough for ya? LOL You did a great job with that rhyme scheme, I've tried weird ones like that before and it takes a smoothness in the words to make it work and you've done a great job. The poem is very cohesive and feels right when read.
Skip thoughts across the waves to feel them rise
Love that line, love the visual it creates. Very well done, Mr. Bradsher.
Comment Written 08-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2014
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Very funny, JL. :-) Thanks so much, my dear friend. I appreciate that sixer and your wonderful, kind comments. Getting ready to start on your sonnet if you think it's not presumptuous to do so now.
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I'm pretty sure it's not too presumptuous! But I thought that as soon as I saw it up there. Was a shoe in!
Comment from nancy_e_davis
Excellent David. I don't think I could do that! My brain says "That does not compute!" LOL I just might try it. The form is simple but to think up meaningful lines that fill a stanza?
Is there a name for it or something you thought up? Well done. Nancy
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2014
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Excellent David. I don't think I could do that! My brain says "That does not compute!" LOL I just might try it. The form is simple but to think up meaningful lines that fill a stanza?
Is there a name for it or something you thought up? Well done. Nancy
Comment Written 08-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2014
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Thank you so much, Nancy. I believe I saw a Timothy Steele poem with this years ago, and the progression of the verse led to this. You could do this.
Comment from Righteous Riter
Good end rhyming. Good perfect rhyming with breeze/freeze...drop/crop...fire/tire...sight/night. Good alliteration with coastal/carpet...February/freeze...my/mind...daylight/door...last/like...mars/my...sitting/slick. Good complimentary photo followed by a clear message.
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2014
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Good end rhyming. Good perfect rhyming with breeze/freeze...drop/crop...fire/tire...sight/night. Good alliteration with coastal/carpet...February/freeze...my/mind...daylight/door...last/like...mars/my...sitting/slick. Good complimentary photo followed by a clear message.
Comment Written 08-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2014
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Thank you very much, RR.
Comment from Gloria ....
David, thanks for freaking me out man. It's probably going to take me the better part of the day and perhaps a little bit into the evening to recover. One question though? Is this rhyme scheme really shocking? If the answer is yes, why? It's not like you labelled it haiku or anything.
But after the shock this is a very beautiful poem, by that I mean I "feel" it. I love the recalibration of thoughts as if they were stones to skip across the waves as the tide of emotions, (coming in at sunset) overflow the coast. My cup runneth over. And, as the tide recedes and the fire burns only in the mind, so too shall the poet's love cede to the opposite of love -- indifference.
This is exceptional in all ways, my friend.
Gloria
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2014
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David, thanks for freaking me out man. It's probably going to take me the better part of the day and perhaps a little bit into the evening to recover. One question though? Is this rhyme scheme really shocking? If the answer is yes, why? It's not like you labelled it haiku or anything.
But after the shock this is a very beautiful poem, by that I mean I "feel" it. I love the recalibration of thoughts as if they were stones to skip across the waves as the tide of emotions, (coming in at sunset) overflow the coast. My cup runneth over. And, as the tide recedes and the fire burns only in the mind, so too shall the poet's love cede to the opposite of love -- indifference.
This is exceptional in all ways, my friend.
Gloria
Comment Written 08-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2014
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I hope by now you're doing better, Gloria. ;) It's not shocking, just rare, and it seems like anything beyond ABAB or couplets sends some screaming down the aisles, so I was having a bit of fun with it, really.
Thanks so much for your kind words and understanding of what I was writing about. I appreciate your depth, my dear.
Comment from w.j.debi
Excellent imagery to set the stage. It feels serene and makes me want to be transported to that moment at the beach.
As far as the rhyme scheme, shouldn't poets have poetic license? I like it. It demonstrates your command of the language, especially since the message is the first thing that is noticed and the rhymes secondary.
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2014
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Excellent imagery to set the stage. It feels serene and makes me want to be transported to that moment at the beach.
As far as the rhyme scheme, shouldn't poets have poetic license? I like it. It demonstrates your command of the language, especially since the message is the first thing that is noticed and the rhymes secondary.
Comment Written 08-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2014
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Thank you so much, w.j. Yes, I definitely believe poetic license is afforded to us, and appreciate your comments.