Comment from rhymelord

Excellent

Dear Steve,
If this ain't a winner then O'Henry will be spinning in his grave. A wonderful yarn told with true poetic skill. Not a beat or a rhyme out of place. Great mix of anapaests and iambs to make it zing along. All the best in the comp (I am not in it, so go for your life LOL)
Regards
Reg

 Comment Written 23-Feb-2014

---

reply by the author on 24-Feb-2014

Thanks, Reg - sigh of relief that such a strong competitor will be on the sidelines!

I borrowed the idea for the mix of anapaests and iambs from 'The Cremation of Sam Magee' but actually found it really difficult - it kept wanting to turn the iambs into anapaests - my appreciation of Robert Service's skill has increased a lot

Steve

Comment from jgirlie152

Exceptional

I absolutely love the way you wrote this story of Philosophy
Jones. Yes, this story has been told before, but you have a way of writing this which makes it more than interesting.
We had an old gent in this town who would do something unlawful about the time winter set in, and the police would put him in a cell and out of the cold so he wouldn't be caught frozen to death in some doorway.
Yes, your story is well told in a lovely poetic way,
Joan

 Comment Written 23-Feb-2014

---

reply by the author on 24-Feb-2014

Joan, thanks for the lovely review and the six stars.

Isn't it funny how you appreciate a poem more when it makes a direct connection to something in your own life?

Steve

Comment from whizpurr ^-^

Exceptional

Hi Kiwi Steve,
Pardon me, but your talent is showing. Thank you for sharing this interesting and entertaining story poem. This humorous poem rolls off the tongue so easily and is fun to read. Super work.
Warm regards, W ^-^

 Comment Written 23-Feb-2014

---

reply by the author on 24-Feb-2014

Thanks so much for the kind words and the six stars. I particularly appreciate the rolls off the tongue comment....

Comment from tony bronk

Exceptional

I love the irony at the end of your story/poem that you penned so well. I never expected it. It was humorous. I love your poem's cadence and your rhyme scheme was very good too. It played well with your poem's rhythm. Your subtle humor needs mentioning too. I really enjoyed it, as I did the wit involved. I'm a fan of wit, and I smell it a mile away...that is if it is a smart wit. Which yours is. The story that you told was very nice, in which it brought out such an endearing lead character. Even if I was an A-type personality, I couldn't find anything wrong to say about your wonderful story/poem. Exceptional!

 Comment Written 23-Feb-2014

---

reply by the author on 24-Feb-2014

Thanks, Tony, for the great review and the six stars.

The story belongs to O. Henry, but I guess if you found wit in this version of it, that must be mine so I'll bask in the rosy glow of your words.

Steve

Comment from onkughosh19

Excellent

A great poem with humour and pathos,a handful of each thrown in.A nice story told in poem form.
A rhymed poem with an apt picture of Philosophy Jones.A well written piece.

 Comment Written 23-Feb-2014

---

reply by the author on 24-Feb-2014

Thank you!

Steve

Comment from bob cullen

Excellent

Another example of why kiwisteveh rates very close to the top of my list of Fanstory.

You are a master or rhyme and meter. And you tell a bloody good story.

I wish you well in the contest. In my opinion this would be a worthy winner

 Comment Written 23-Feb-2014

---

reply by the author on 24-Feb-2014

Bob, thanks for the review and the support.

Steve

Comment from Cycler

Excellent

This is cool - a nice tale. You played it well. Indeed, we never know what our prayers will bring us - the answer we seek originally or maybe a new one. Funny, we often know what we want and God eventually gives it to us - wondering if we will ever learn. Some do.

Anyway, you did a dandy job with the assignment!

 Comment Written 23-Feb-2014

---

reply by the author on 24-Feb-2014

Merci, Garcon!

Steve

Comment from c_lucas

Excellent

O.Henry had a sweet tooth. Do you remember his Candy bar? This is a very well written story in a poem. Good luck in your contest.

 Comment Written 23-Feb-2014

---

reply by the author on 24-Feb-2014

Don't think we ever had that candy bar in NZ and I see there's some debate about the origin of the name...

Thanks for the review.

Steve

reply by c_lucas on 24-Feb-2014

You're welcome, Steve. How about Baby Ruth candy bars?

Comment from l.raven

Excellent

HI Steve, you did a great job on this rewrite...totally held my attention all the way....great job on O Henry...and your footnotes were very helpful...very well written...Luff Linda xxoo

 Comment Written 22-Feb-2014

---

reply by the author on 24-Feb-2014

Thanks, Linda.

The story was called 'The Cop and the Anthem' - easy to find online if you want to read it, but be warned O. henry never used one word when a dozen would do. His character was called Soapy.

Thanks for a wonderful review.

Steve

reply by l.raven on 24-Feb-2014

thank you so much...xxoo

Comment from amahra

Excellent

I usually would say this poem was rather long; but the contest stated to write a story and that you did. Very well written. Loved the rhyming that was not forced but nicely done. Good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 22-Feb-2014

---

reply by the author on 24-Feb-2014

Thank you - yes, it's hard to tell a 'real' story in shorter form than this.

Steve