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Viewing comments for Chapter 49 "Last Taxi"Shorter stories
14 total reviews
Comment from MarjorieAnne
This gripping story sounds true to your own life though listed as fiction (good use of personal pronoun). The first sentence evidently foreshadows the sad ending. How about a comma after "alone" and a new paragraph starting with "it was gridlock" ? Then I might also start a new paragraph with "That moment".
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2014
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This gripping story sounds true to your own life though listed as fiction (good use of personal pronoun). The first sentence evidently foreshadows the sad ending. How about a comma after "alone" and a new paragraph starting with "it was gridlock" ? Then I might also start a new paragraph with "That moment".
Comment Written 03-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2014
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Thank you for reviewing. I tried the comma.
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You're welcome
Comment from in777wr#
I could not imagine what that would be like. This story was well written, and captivating. The story flows well, and to do this in 60 words or less is pretty good. Good job.
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2014
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I could not imagine what that would be like. This story was well written, and captivating. The story flows well, and to do this in 60 words or less is pretty good. Good job.
Comment Written 03-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2014
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Thank you for reviewing this.
Comment from humpwhistle
You know, I like this story--up to the end. Maybe it's just me, but in 60 words, I want some emotion before word 50. I know the rote when it comes to Flash--save it for the end. But as a reader, I want to feel something as I read, not just after I read.
I know my views about flash aren't in vogue, so I won't gig you. I just think engaging the reader is a most useful knack than surprising him/her.
Best of luck.
Peace, Lee
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reply by the author on 03-Jan-2014
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You know, I like this story--up to the end. Maybe it's just me, but in 60 words, I want some emotion before word 50. I know the rote when it comes to Flash--save it for the end. But as a reader, I want to feel something as I read, not just after I read.
I know my views about flash aren't in vogue, so I won't gig you. I just think engaging the reader is a most useful knack than surprising him/her.
Best of luck.
Peace, Lee
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 03-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2014
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I know your feelings. I am never pleased with anything if it doesn't click on every sentence. Thank you for reviewing this.
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You know, voting hasn't started yet. What if you started with the wife screaming, the cabbie spreading newspaper, gridlock all around you--you know? make it immediate, bring the reader in, then drop the last line.
You have time to work on this. Have the reader focus on the action, rather telling them about it. Just a thought.
Lee
Comment from lancellot
Interesting tale and what a way to deliver a child into the world. Also you do know you left the reader with a bit of a cliff hanger at the end. Now we want to know more.
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reply by the author on 03-Jan-2014
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Interesting tale and what a way to deliver a child into the world. Also you do know you left the reader with a bit of a cliff hanger at the end. Now we want to know more.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 03-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2014
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Thank you for the review. I hope I did leave enough to form a probable scenario.