Walk With Me.
Viewing comments for Chapter 11 "I Wonder Dad."From victim to survivor of abuse.
38 total reviews
Comment from giovannimariatommaso
What a touching sad hurtful poem how could have you written it without terrible fits of rage and tears in your eyes, I can't imagine. I gasp as I read it feeling the pain and the joy that could have had had you not been brainwashed into believing your dad not human.
I feel for him terribly and I also feel for your poor impoverished mom that she could or would do such a thing; how unloved she must have felt within herself that she could ruin a child's life so. It takes a lifetime to overcome such things.
It always takes two to tango; those who say only one are lairs and thieves, look at the Saints. But a child can't be expected to see that and that child's mind is the mind that is scarred for life, the one scarring purposely is demented in ways unknown making the child a prisoner of their own thoughts fueled by antagonists who can't see their part in life.
The poem reads well and tells a story from the narrative of the one suffering and at the same time critically thinking. I really feel that the rhyming scheme can be somewhat better; and line (Though I did not love you and we had so seldom met,) has 13 syllables.
Possibly could be a stronger poem by reworking it and being more concise in stance. I did not find any spelling or grammatical errors.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2013
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What a touching sad hurtful poem how could have you written it without terrible fits of rage and tears in your eyes, I can't imagine. I gasp as I read it feeling the pain and the joy that could have had had you not been brainwashed into believing your dad not human.
I feel for him terribly and I also feel for your poor impoverished mom that she could or would do such a thing; how unloved she must have felt within herself that she could ruin a child's life so. It takes a lifetime to overcome such things.
It always takes two to tango; those who say only one are lairs and thieves, look at the Saints. But a child can't be expected to see that and that child's mind is the mind that is scarred for life, the one scarring purposely is demented in ways unknown making the child a prisoner of their own thoughts fueled by antagonists who can't see their part in life.
The poem reads well and tells a story from the narrative of the one suffering and at the same time critically thinking. I really feel that the rhyming scheme can be somewhat better; and line (Though I did not love you and we had so seldom met,) has 13 syllables.
Possibly could be a stronger poem by reworking it and being more concise in stance. I did not find any spelling or grammatical errors.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 21-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2013
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Thank you.
Comment from livelylinda
seken58, A touching story, well told and felt. It left me with a real sadness as we have similar stories and empty spots within our hearts. Thank you for sharing. Linda
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2013
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seken58, A touching story, well told and felt. It left me with a real sadness as we have similar stories and empty spots within our hearts. Thank you for sharing. Linda
Comment Written 21-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2013
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Thanks for reading and eviewing .
I appreciate your time and comments.
Comment from Gabrieltheswifter
Thank you for the beautiful poem, it made me want to cry... I love reading things that are so rich with emotion and depth. Amazing piece, I must commend you. :P Good job!
- G
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2013
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Thank you for the beautiful poem, it made me want to cry... I love reading things that are so rich with emotion and depth. Amazing piece, I must commend you. :P Good job!
- G
Comment Written 21-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2013
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Thank you for a geneous review. I appreciate your time and comments. I am glad it touched your heart.
Comment from Nuad1
Writers are the luckiest folks on earth! They can take a gut wrenching experience and work it out on paper. That is the RIGHT way to approach life. That is the HEALTHY way for the individual who has suffered. Good for you: for writing this, for sharing it, for coming to a place in your life where you accept/see reality AND (most important!) putting it out here so others who are STILL in the struggle can grow up healthier in mind because of your words. Excellent and SORRY I have not six stars to GIFT you as you deserve them for this poem.
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2013
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Writers are the luckiest folks on earth! They can take a gut wrenching experience and work it out on paper. That is the RIGHT way to approach life. That is the HEALTHY way for the individual who has suffered. Good for you: for writing this, for sharing it, for coming to a place in your life where you accept/see reality AND (most important!) putting it out here so others who are STILL in the struggle can grow up healthier in mind because of your words. Excellent and SORRY I have not six stars to GIFT you as you deserve them for this poem.
Comment Written 21-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2013
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Thank you for reading and reviewing.
I appreciate your vitual six stars and your supportive comments.
Comment from GWHARGIS
this was truly heart breaking. I cold feel the unresolved issues you had and the emptiness in your heart came through loud and clear. It is a shame when parents can't see the damage they inflict even when they think they have the best intentions. Nicely done.
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2013
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this was truly heart breaking. I cold feel the unresolved issues you had and the emptiness in your heart came through loud and clear. It is a shame when parents can't see the damage they inflict even when they think they have the best intentions. Nicely done.
Comment Written 21-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2013
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Thanks for your support and generous review.
I appreciate your comments.
Comment from Sagnik Das
I appreciate things of sentimental value, for I have many fond memories of my parents and grandparents, & adore therefore, the undertone of devout profundity, wherewith this majestic poem tends to conjure such a repository to your father - a chivalrous man, to whom destiny, I conjecture, had posed many an atrocity ....
What a wonderful treatise fraught in emotivity have you herein improvised! It is sublime; morbid & artful from every meticulous perspective.
The vivid undertone of sentimentality, you employ, rings out in clarity - and beseems my appraisal to the foremost:
"Seeds of doubt were planted and so quickly they grew,
Until I wished that I wasn't born part of you,
Mother ensured we would always be kept apart,
Whilst I always kept an empty space in my heart." - wonderful! - this is sheer purity of poetic expressiveness , what else can one possibly call it ? ....
The reiterating undertone of Epicurean resilience, despite the morbid backdrop of melancholy, at times , greatly heightens the poetic effect , adding much to the overall beauty of rhythmic expressiveness.
It moreover lends to the poem a charming blend of artistic poise & Pantheistic brevity .... like never before.
Sublime, yet most remarkably astute, with a promising ardor for Elegiac overtones, the rhythmic effect employed, is particularly enchanting - flowing effortlessly, in an even sequence of epigrammatic revelations (and an impeccable cadence). Scarcely have I words enough to commend you ...
What haunts me the most is that, in your puerile lines of verse, I find some solace for my very own latent feelings - Every word thereof, seems firmly entrenched in my heart of hearts - for the lines somehow tend to bring back several fond memoirs of some of my very own near & dear ones - who, aged as they had - have all "gone" away now - leaving us much alone & bereaved .....
Nevertheless, this will I guess, be not a good thing for me here to be carried away thus with my impulsive sentiments.
Hence, I must at once refrain myself .
Spontaneous in poetic expressiveness, the diction truly delights a complacent reader to the fullest - it sounds "lucid" , but never forced ( an attribute which overwhelms me all the more ....) . Majestic as it is, in its exalted theme & context, I happen to love this work greatly ...... & would gladly extend to you therefore, my very best, with all your upcoming poetic ventures before finally end for good! Impeccably fared, noble friend ; Three Cheers to you for such Stupendous creativity!
I wager your father shall love it ... wherever he resides.
:)
My heartfelt regards to you.
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2013
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I appreciate things of sentimental value, for I have many fond memories of my parents and grandparents, & adore therefore, the undertone of devout profundity, wherewith this majestic poem tends to conjure such a repository to your father - a chivalrous man, to whom destiny, I conjecture, had posed many an atrocity ....
What a wonderful treatise fraught in emotivity have you herein improvised! It is sublime; morbid & artful from every meticulous perspective.
The vivid undertone of sentimentality, you employ, rings out in clarity - and beseems my appraisal to the foremost:
"Seeds of doubt were planted and so quickly they grew,
Until I wished that I wasn't born part of you,
Mother ensured we would always be kept apart,
Whilst I always kept an empty space in my heart." - wonderful! - this is sheer purity of poetic expressiveness , what else can one possibly call it ? ....
The reiterating undertone of Epicurean resilience, despite the morbid backdrop of melancholy, at times , greatly heightens the poetic effect , adding much to the overall beauty of rhythmic expressiveness.
It moreover lends to the poem a charming blend of artistic poise & Pantheistic brevity .... like never before.
Sublime, yet most remarkably astute, with a promising ardor for Elegiac overtones, the rhythmic effect employed, is particularly enchanting - flowing effortlessly, in an even sequence of epigrammatic revelations (and an impeccable cadence). Scarcely have I words enough to commend you ...
What haunts me the most is that, in your puerile lines of verse, I find some solace for my very own latent feelings - Every word thereof, seems firmly entrenched in my heart of hearts - for the lines somehow tend to bring back several fond memoirs of some of my very own near & dear ones - who, aged as they had - have all "gone" away now - leaving us much alone & bereaved .....
Nevertheless, this will I guess, be not a good thing for me here to be carried away thus with my impulsive sentiments.
Hence, I must at once refrain myself .
Spontaneous in poetic expressiveness, the diction truly delights a complacent reader to the fullest - it sounds "lucid" , but never forced ( an attribute which overwhelms me all the more ....) . Majestic as it is, in its exalted theme & context, I happen to love this work greatly ...... & would gladly extend to you therefore, my very best, with all your upcoming poetic ventures before finally end for good! Impeccably fared, noble friend ; Three Cheers to you for such Stupendous creativity!
I wager your father shall love it ... wherever he resides.
:)
My heartfelt regards to you.
Comment Written 21-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2013
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Thank you for a detailed and positive review.
I appreciate your time and support.
Comment from michaelcahill
Hello. I was raised by my mother as well. I never did meet my father. I have one memory of him at my first Christmas eleven months old. A tall man that seemed quite interested in me with a big smile. I realize in retrospect that it was my father. Having met your father and interacted with him is much more devastating. It is clear in your piece that there are deep feelings of hurt and loss that are even deeper than the words imply. The tone is somehow darker then the actual words and the phrasing which at times seems as though you are standing back and observing yourself from afar. But, the reader senses that you are really in the middle of it afraid to let it take you over. It is a powerful statement of feelings and your bravery in the face of it makes me want to give you a big hug. Your last line especially just devastates with the brave words that you must be dragging out of your heavy heart like the heaviest of weights. It makes me grateful that I never met my father and that my mother was insane and I was raised by a series of aunts and grandmas. None of it seemed particularly unusual to me as it was all I knew. Sorry to ramble on like this. It just hit so close to home. I think I owe you for therapy but I spent my last member cent bump on some nonet that nobody will read. Ha! I loved this piece. Well written and beautifully honest. Thank you. Mike
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2013
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Hello. I was raised by my mother as well. I never did meet my father. I have one memory of him at my first Christmas eleven months old. A tall man that seemed quite interested in me with a big smile. I realize in retrospect that it was my father. Having met your father and interacted with him is much more devastating. It is clear in your piece that there are deep feelings of hurt and loss that are even deeper than the words imply. The tone is somehow darker then the actual words and the phrasing which at times seems as though you are standing back and observing yourself from afar. But, the reader senses that you are really in the middle of it afraid to let it take you over. It is a powerful statement of feelings and your bravery in the face of it makes me want to give you a big hug. Your last line especially just devastates with the brave words that you must be dragging out of your heavy heart like the heaviest of weights. It makes me grateful that I never met my father and that my mother was insane and I was raised by a series of aunts and grandmas. None of it seemed particularly unusual to me as it was all I knew. Sorry to ramble on like this. It just hit so close to home. I think I owe you for therapy but I spent my last member cent bump on some nonet that nobody will read. Ha! I loved this piece. Well written and beautifully honest. Thank you. Mike
Comment Written 21-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2013
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Thank you for reading and reviewing my poem.
My parents have both passed now and I have long since forgiven them both.What I hadn't ever done before was "verbalise" or acknowledge that I was an abused child and that the "normal" I knew was no where near it.
This poem has been such a cleansing and releasing experience an I feel humbled that you have related to this poem so deeply.
No charge for the therapy session -your appreciation of my work is very humbling and I sincerely thank you.
If you are interested you may like to read an earlier post titled "Not So Smart Now Are You?"which details my experiences at the hands of my mother"s "replacement" father figure.
Comment from pickthorn
A well written but sad account of a broken marriage and the
desire of a child to know her father's love. Unfortunately
what happened to you is a story that happens far too often.
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2013
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A well written but sad account of a broken marriage and the
desire of a child to know her father's love. Unfortunately
what happened to you is a story that happens far too often.
Comment Written 21-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2013
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Thanks so much for reading and reviewing with clarity.
You are right and it is so sad to grow up without ever knowing a father's love.
I appreciate your time and comments.
Comment from Rondeno
How sad. A woman poisons her child's emotions to spite a man she couldn't (or wouldn't) maintain a relationship with. You (and he) missed out on so much.
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2013
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How sad. A woman poisons her child's emotions to spite a man she couldn't (or wouldn't) maintain a relationship with. You (and he) missed out on so much.
Comment Written 21-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2013
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Thank you for generously reading and reviewing.
If you are interested you may like to read my previous post titled "ot So Smart Now Are You?" as it deals with the "loser' mum chose as a replacement.
I agree I do have a 'space' where a father's love and memories should be but this poem has been quite cleansing.
It has made me so proud of the love I see my husband and six daughters share every day.
Comment from Righteous Riter
Good effective use of the aabb rhyme scheme. Good strong end rhyming that is not forced and flows well. Good consistency in each 12 syllable line. Nice, clear, passionate message that is complimented well by the photo. Good job.
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2013
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Good effective use of the aabb rhyme scheme. Good strong end rhyming that is not forced and flows well. Good consistency in each 12 syllable line. Nice, clear, passionate message that is complimented well by the photo. Good job.
Comment Written 21-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2013
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Thank you for generously reading and reviewing.
I appreciate your time and comments.