Poems from a Pensive Poet
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "The Last Train Out"Verses from my heart
27 total reviews
Comment from nancyjam
such a sad story but sadly one
that has a lot of truth.
So many run-a-ways end up in a bad way.
Strong rhyme and meter and vivid images.
Well done.
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2013
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such a sad story but sadly one
that has a lot of truth.
So many run-a-ways end up in a bad way.
Strong rhyme and meter and vivid images.
Well done.
Comment Written 18-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2013
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Thank you for the review and for the nice comments. It is sad that so many young people lead such tortured lives they perfet death to living.
Beth
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Wow! Beth, this is outstanding! Wonderful 4-line rhyme, not easy to do, and every stanza reads naturally, no forced rhymes. Lots of alliteration and great rhythm to it as well. Bravo! :)
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2013
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Wow! Beth, this is outstanding! Wonderful 4-line rhyme, not easy to do, and every stanza reads naturally, no forced rhymes. Lots of alliteration and great rhythm to it as well. Bravo! :)
Comment Written 18-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2013
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Thank you Phyllis. I really appreciate the review and the nice comments. My writing group gives us such strange pictures to inspire us but this seemed to speak to me.
Beth
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How often does your group meet? Can't believe you have time for that AND fanstory. When I found FS, I ended up leaving my group... plenty to write here, so why drive somewhere? :)
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We meet twice a month and mostly just talk about writing. If we have a picture and I decide to write something, I usually post it on FanStory so I get to use it twice.
Comment from gazzagodbod
Oh wow Beth this is a fabulous piece written in my favourite rhyming form and the power and emotion of your words stunning well done had i a six it would be yours xxgazzagodbodxx
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2013
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Oh wow Beth this is a fabulous piece written in my favourite rhyming form and the power and emotion of your words stunning well done had i a six it would be yours xxgazzagodbodxx
Comment Written 18-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2013
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Thank you so much for the comments and the lovely review. I really appreciate it.
Beth
Comment from steevie
The write is somber and sad, Beth. You capture a dark and ominous setting where a young girl is at the end of her rope. I guess her being back at home with her parents rules were to be followed is starting to look pretty good now.
Too bad she had fallen so far from grace
I hope my next read is more cheerful. LOL
smiles
steve
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2013
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The write is somber and sad, Beth. You capture a dark and ominous setting where a young girl is at the end of her rope. I guess her being back at home with her parents rules were to be followed is starting to look pretty good now.
Too bad she had fallen so far from grace
I hope my next read is more cheerful. LOL
smiles
steve
Comment Written 18-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2013
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Thank you so much for the review and comments. I'm sorry if my poem was too depressing. I usually write more upbeat or comical things but the picture I was given to work with called for a dark poem.
Beth
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No worries, Beth. Your poem was terrific.
Its a good change to write something different ... keeps us flexible
steve
Comment from Phoenix Rising
Wow!
An insightful look at a runaway. This poetic expression paints with tragic imagery the hope of a new life.
My pleasure to review.
Phoenix Rising
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2013
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Wow!
An insightful look at a runaway. This poetic expression paints with tragic imagery the hope of a new life.
My pleasure to review.
Phoenix Rising
Comment Written 18-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2013
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Thank you so much for the review and nice comments. I pleased you decided to reveiw this.
Beth
Comment from oNray
This is a very good poem of a very sad situation. It is a shame the number of girls that feel they have to live that life. It is also sad the number of young that take their own life
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2013
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This is a very good poem of a very sad situation. It is a shame the number of girls that feel they have to live that life. It is also sad the number of young that take their own life
Comment Written 18-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2013
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Thank you so much for the review and the thoughtful comments. It is sad. I guess sometimes situations at home make life there unbearable too.
Beth
Comment from Henringtonj
Clever piece. I think a story is always more compelling when a writer can open vividly, explore the plot, and end up exactly where they began. Good write!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2013
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Clever piece. I think a story is always more compelling when a writer can open vividly, explore the plot, and end up exactly where they began. Good write!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 18-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2013
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Thank you so much for the review and comments. I'm glad you liked it.
Beth
Comment from Neelam Sangwai
An outstanding poetic story! A natural rhythm complementary to the rail beats. I liked everything of this poem, words-theme-picture-story- description-start and end. With regards- Neelam
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2013
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An outstanding poetic story! A natural rhythm complementary to the rail beats. I liked everything of this poem, words-theme-picture-story- description-start and end. With regards- Neelam
Comment Written 18-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2013
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Wow! Thank you Neelam, I really appreciate all those stars and the glowing review. I'm so glad you liked it.
Beth
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, beth, you did an excellent job writing this sad quatrain poem about the woman who was finding a final way out of a life gone wrong. great imagery presented.
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2013
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this is very well written, beth, you did an excellent job writing this sad quatrain poem about the woman who was finding a final way out of a life gone wrong. great imagery presented.
Comment Written 18-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2013
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Thank you so much for the review and the thoughtful comments.
I'm glad the imagery worked for you.
Beth
Comment from adewpearl
strong use of mono-rhyming in each stanza
vivid descriptive detail
you tell a dramatic story
of this young runaway
good alliteration in slum's a scary
and in pimp a place
and in soul seared
excellent simile of her soul seared like a withered bouquet
good alliteration in dire disarray
powerful closing to this girl's tragic story
Brooke
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2013
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strong use of mono-rhyming in each stanza
vivid descriptive detail
you tell a dramatic story
of this young runaway
good alliteration in slum's a scary
and in pimp a place
and in soul seared
excellent simile of her soul seared like a withered bouquet
good alliteration in dire disarray
powerful closing to this girl's tragic story
Brooke
Comment Written 18-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2013
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Thank you Brooke, I really appreciate the review and all those thoughtful affirmative words.
Beth