All Those Puzzling Pieces
Viewing comments for Chapter 21 "Our Game"What makes a life? How do the pieces fit?
101 total reviews
Comment from Lovinia
Hi Sharyn
A fabulous poem on the dark side. I am sorry to see it did not finish in higher placing in the contest. Sometimes the darker ones scare off a few votes.
Fantastic presentation. Your words just topple out and really evoke the emotions you have indicated. Scary to be sleeping with you tonight. Pleased that hubbie is still in one piece. "Wormy ball ... compressed and writhing in my gut .... ready to cut ... freedom". Oooh delicious phrase - I always enjoy a few worms squirming. lol "Gut/cut/out" - crisp words choices which arouse the audial senses.... plus the added embellishment of rhyme/near rhyme. Love "cold/cutting/calculation" - what a snivelling coward - so beautifully expressed.
"queen takes all
kings fall
when they least
expect it" - fantastic conclusion ..... awe sweet revenge .... deserves everything he gets. lol
I love the excellent metaphor used and the image is a perfect selection for your work. Well done.
Hugs - Lovinia xoxo
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2013
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Hi Sharyn
A fabulous poem on the dark side. I am sorry to see it did not finish in higher placing in the contest. Sometimes the darker ones scare off a few votes.
Fantastic presentation. Your words just topple out and really evoke the emotions you have indicated. Scary to be sleeping with you tonight. Pleased that hubbie is still in one piece. "Wormy ball ... compressed and writhing in my gut .... ready to cut ... freedom". Oooh delicious phrase - I always enjoy a few worms squirming. lol "Gut/cut/out" - crisp words choices which arouse the audial senses.... plus the added embellishment of rhyme/near rhyme. Love "cold/cutting/calculation" - what a snivelling coward - so beautifully expressed.
"queen takes all
kings fall
when they least
expect it" - fantastic conclusion ..... awe sweet revenge .... deserves everything he gets. lol
I love the excellent metaphor used and the image is a perfect selection for your work. Well done.
Hugs - Lovinia xoxo
Comment Written 15-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2013
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thx so much, Lovinia - yes, I was surprised, too, as I thought it well and truly met the terms of the prompt - i.e. intensity of emotion ... but I can't take contests too seriously - sometimes it surprises me what "wins"! :)))
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Hi Sharyn
Yes can be a bit of a 'hit and miss' sometimes with the contest. Oh well all in good fun. This one very clever. Better luck next time. Hugs - Lovinia xoxoxo
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I don't worry too much about "wins" - I enjoy the stimulation of the prompts ... :)))
Comment from nancy_e_davis
Well I must say this is different and unusual and I love the lines that say; take care tonight my king, when you creep into my bed, queen takes all, kings fall when they least expect it! A game of chess no doubt! Well done! Good luck. Nancy
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2013
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Well I must say this is different and unusual and I love the lines that say; take care tonight my king, when you creep into my bed, queen takes all, kings fall when they least expect it! A game of chess no doubt! Well done! Good luck. Nancy
Comment Written 15-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2013
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thx so much Nancy! :)Sharyn
Comment from C Hope
Absolutely love the photo, as your write is superb in calculating the expression from 'the game.'
'best think ahead my king outside the limits of your black and white squares' ~ great line. Thoroughly enjoyed! Smiles, Charlotte
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2013
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Absolutely love the photo, as your write is superb in calculating the expression from 'the game.'
'best think ahead my king outside the limits of your black and white squares' ~ great line. Thoroughly enjoyed! Smiles, Charlotte
Comment Written 15-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2013
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Bless you for that lovely six Charlotte - so much appreciated! :)Sharyn
Comment from Nebukadneser
You will never stop to astound me with your absolute brilliance. This is a marvelous poem, which made me sat up and take notice. So well written and descriptive comparing the situation with a game of chess. They who are patient will have the last laugh
Well done
You're a star
Cool bananas and warm regards
Nebukadneser
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2013
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You will never stop to astound me with your absolute brilliance. This is a marvelous poem, which made me sat up and take notice. So well written and descriptive comparing the situation with a game of chess. They who are patient will have the last laugh
Well done
You're a star
Cool bananas and warm regards
Nebukadneser
Comment Written 15-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2013
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Bless you cool bananas! :)Sharyn
Comment from justjo66
Expertly done. Perfect picture choice and use of
chess terms to express this revenge poem so well.
I see no need to comment on anything except that
it's very well done and deserving of a six.
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2013
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Expertly done. Perfect picture choice and use of
chess terms to express this revenge poem so well.
I see no need to comment on anything except that
it's very well done and deserving of a six.
Comment Written 15-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2013
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Bless you for your magic six my dear! I really appreciate it! :)Sharyn
Comment from MissMerri
I loved the streams of alliteration (cold cutting calculation, for example) and also the internal rhyme that makes this so poetic, (shame, game, strangling, dangling) while at the same time reading like a warning, perhaps of something about to happen. It is certainly captivating from start to finish and the metaphors are great. A most enjoyable poem, scary, but enjoyable.
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2013
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I loved the streams of alliteration (cold cutting calculation, for example) and also the internal rhyme that makes this so poetic, (shame, game, strangling, dangling) while at the same time reading like a warning, perhaps of something about to happen. It is certainly captivating from start to finish and the metaphors are great. A most enjoyable poem, scary, but enjoyable.
Comment Written 15-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2013
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Thx so much MissMerri! :)Sharyn
Comment from Joannforsberg
Well done especially using the chess game as a metaphor. The poem set-up truly adds volumes to the words. Which I felt were well-chosen for this poetry contest. Well done as always, Jo
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2013
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Well done especially using the chess game as a metaphor. The poem set-up truly adds volumes to the words. Which I felt were well-chosen for this poetry contest. Well done as always, Jo
Comment Written 15-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2013
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Bless you, Jo! :)Sharyn
Comment from Walu Feral
Crikey! That's one incredible piece of poetry. I am so glad you wrote your notes. You are an awesome writer. Well done mate. Cheers Fez.
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2013
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Crikey! That's one incredible piece of poetry. I am so glad you wrote your notes. You are an awesome writer. Well done mate. Cheers Fez.
Comment Written 15-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2013
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and bless you Fez! thank you so much - I enjoy exploring the "dark" sometimes ... :)S
Comment from Galactia
Excellent written freeverse poem,
I love the following lines....
for you,
it's all
a
glory game
of
cold
cutting
calculation
ultimate
manipulation
and me?
I'm your puppet
dangling
strangling, at the end
of
your strings
but something
keeps me going ...
and...
best think ahead
my king
outside the limits
of your black and white squares
take care tonight
my king
when you creep into my bed
Great use of personification with strong feeling flowing through this powm.
Great job
Regards
Tia
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2013
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Excellent written freeverse poem,
I love the following lines....
for you,
it's all
a
glory game
of
cold
cutting
calculation
ultimate
manipulation
and me?
I'm your puppet
dangling
strangling, at the end
of
your strings
but something
keeps me going ...
and...
best think ahead
my king
outside the limits
of your black and white squares
take care tonight
my king
when you creep into my bed
Great use of personification with strong feeling flowing through this powm.
Great job
Regards
Tia
Comment Written 15-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2013
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thank you so much, Tia! :)Sharyn
Comment from justatuna
Don't know why I can't give you a 6. Great poem my friend. Glad I read your author's notes. Felt sorry for someone. Didn't seem like something you would write except for that witty style of yours. Always intelligent and entertaining. Great job.
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2013
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Don't know why I can't give you a 6. Great poem my friend. Glad I read your author's notes. Felt sorry for someone. Didn't seem like something you would write except for that witty style of yours. Always intelligent and entertaining. Great job.
Comment Written 15-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2013
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thx so much, Rob - I like to experiment! :))) Sharyn