Fickle Lady
Winter has many moods.22 total reviews
Comment from Mrs Happy Poet
This is very well written my friend with good rhyming throughout personifying winter very well it can indeed be very changeable and unpredictable well done regards Jill
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2012
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This is very well written my friend with good rhyming throughout personifying winter very well it can indeed be very changeable and unpredictable well done regards Jill
Comment Written 12-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2012
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Thank you so much for the review and the nice comments. I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment.
Comment from jwilhite
Very well done. Good use of rhyme and heptameter. There are a couple of places where your otherwise excellent rhythm stumbles a bit, but they don't look difficult to fix.
1) The very first line "Winter is a fickle lady." is not iambic, so the reader doesn't actually start feeling your rhythm until the second line.
2) While reading the line "You can't adjust to her mood swings" I stumbled a bit on "mood swings." I think it's because you have a spondee here. You might think about rephrasing this to align a bit better with your iambic heptameter.
3) "But there are those who love her moods and rejoice to see her come." There is an extra word here that throws off the rhythm. Maybe you could leave out the word "and"; just use a comma instead. "But there are those who love her moods, // rejoice to see her come."
4) One more comment (not pertaining to rhythm). There was something about the line "She turns her frigid back on you
and chills you for a while" that didn't sit right with me. I think it might be the repeated use of the word "you." Maybe you could rephrase this?
This is a really excellent start. Using rhyme and rhythm correctly is very difficult, and many people don't even attempt it, so bravo.
EDIT: Much better with the changes. This is excellent. Good luck in your contest.
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2012
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Very well done. Good use of rhyme and heptameter. There are a couple of places where your otherwise excellent rhythm stumbles a bit, but they don't look difficult to fix.
1) The very first line "Winter is a fickle lady." is not iambic, so the reader doesn't actually start feeling your rhythm until the second line.
2) While reading the line "You can't adjust to her mood swings" I stumbled a bit on "mood swings." I think it's because you have a spondee here. You might think about rephrasing this to align a bit better with your iambic heptameter.
3) "But there are those who love her moods and rejoice to see her come." There is an extra word here that throws off the rhythm. Maybe you could leave out the word "and"; just use a comma instead. "But there are those who love her moods, // rejoice to see her come."
4) One more comment (not pertaining to rhythm). There was something about the line "She turns her frigid back on you
and chills you for a while" that didn't sit right with me. I think it might be the repeated use of the word "you." Maybe you could rephrase this?
This is a really excellent start. Using rhyme and rhythm correctly is very difficult, and many people don't even attempt it, so bravo.
EDIT: Much better with the changes. This is excellent. Good luck in your contest.
Comment Written 12-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2012
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Thank you so much for the review and the suggestions you made on this piece. Here are the four verses you had problems with. Do you think these changes make it better or worse?
Miss Winter is a fickle lass.
Confusion is her game.
Some days, she wild and blustery,
and other days sheâ??s tame.
Just when you think you sense the warmth
and sunshine of her smile,
She blows her frigid breath around
and chills you for a while.
You canâ??t adjust to such discord.
No use to plan ahead.
The football game when held outside
may get rained out instead.
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But there are those who like her moods
and love to see her come.
Each season has admiring fans
and Winter, too, has some.
Except for the one line that had too many sylables, I've not made all of these changes because it is doing well in the voting booth as is.
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Excellent. That is so much better. You addressed every issue very well. I really like what you did with the first line. Using "lass" makes her sound much more feisty.
I think you introduced a typo during your edits: "Some days, she wild and blustery,"
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Since you say it is better, I've changed. Maybe you'll consider changing my rating. I do appreciate the help.
Comment from Val Crisson
Ah, Yes! Yo describe the moods of winter quite nicely here. "YOu might enjoy her scenery, but not her chilling bite" - that about sums up how i feel about winter. This is a very well written and thought out poem with wonderful imagery and flow. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2012
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Ah, Yes! Yo describe the moods of winter quite nicely here. "YOu might enjoy her scenery, but not her chilling bite" - that about sums up how i feel about winter. This is a very well written and thought out poem with wonderful imagery and flow. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 12-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2012
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Thank you so much for the review and the nice comments. I really appreciate it.
Comment from Benjamin Valencia
Hello. Very neat choice of words and imagery to describe winter's track record of either having fans or no fans. I liked how you included the football and the hazardous roads. The beauty of winter is one thing, but you really hit on these real things that affect us. I liked how you said Winter gives us her frigid back like a person. Good luck in the contest. Cheers.
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2012
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Hello. Very neat choice of words and imagery to describe winter's track record of either having fans or no fans. I liked how you included the football and the hazardous roads. The beauty of winter is one thing, but you really hit on these real things that affect us. I liked how you said Winter gives us her frigid back like a person. Good luck in the contest. Cheers.
Comment Written 12-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2012
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Thank you so much, Benjamin. I really appreciate the review and the in depth comments. I'm glad you like the poem.
Comment from lakeport
Fickle Lady indeeed winter will soon be moving in, that's a
very nice expressed story poem, very nice rhyming. I enjoyed reading it,God bless you.Lakeport,
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2012
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Fickle Lady indeeed winter will soon be moving in, that's a
very nice expressed story poem, very nice rhyming. I enjoyed reading it,God bless you.Lakeport,
Comment Written 11-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2012
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Thank you so much for the review and the nice comments. I'm so glad you enjoyed it.
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your welcome.
could you please review my poem, "Bethlehem"
thank you.Lakeport.
Comment from 4tulips
I enjoyed reading your poem about the winter season. I too do not like the cold and wind that winter brings, yet I enjoy seeing the heavy-laden trees after a snowfall. It is true that sometimes winter can be calm or cold and hazardous. All the more reason I hope that winter goes by fast so I can get out to the sunshine again.
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2012
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I enjoyed reading your poem about the winter season. I too do not like the cold and wind that winter brings, yet I enjoy seeing the heavy-laden trees after a snowfall. It is true that sometimes winter can be calm or cold and hazardous. All the more reason I hope that winter goes by fast so I can get out to the sunshine again.
Comment Written 11-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2012
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Thank you so much for the review and comments. I think most poeple agree that Winter isn't the best season.
:)
Comment from RYME4U
I like this rhyming poem very much. It is very rhythmical and smooth flowing. The good/bad aspects of winter are balanced out nicely. Nice job!
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2012
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I like this rhyming poem very much. It is very rhythmical and smooth flowing. The good/bad aspects of winter are balanced out nicely. Nice job!
Comment Written 11-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2012
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Thank you so much for the review and comment. I'm glad you liked it.
:)
Comment from Gungalo
But as for me, I'm not her fan.
I'm happy when she leaves.
Although I must endure her whims,
I'll not be one who grieves.
I'm with you and don't care if she ever comes. LOL. Though you have done a bang up job describing here, I must say.
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2012
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But as for me, I'm not her fan.
I'm happy when she leaves.
Although I must endure her whims,
I'll not be one who grieves.
I'm with you and don't care if she ever comes. LOL. Though you have done a bang up job describing here, I must say.
Comment Written 11-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2012
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Thank you Gungalo,
I really appreciate the review and comments. She isn't your favorite season either. LOL.
Comment from EMB
So is this hinting that all women are confused beings with mood swings? LOL (Kidding.) You do an excellent job making winter a being that may be liked by many, but she is one with many unlikeable attributes. I'm not one to grieve when she's gone either.
Nice job with the rhyme scheme. :)
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2012
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So is this hinting that all women are confused beings with mood swings? LOL (Kidding.) You do an excellent job making winter a being that may be liked by many, but she is one with many unlikeable attributes. I'm not one to grieve when she's gone either.
Nice job with the rhyme scheme. :)
Comment Written 11-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2012
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LOL Only the fickle ones. Not all women. Thank you so much for the review and the delightful comments.
Comment from Allison78
I think this is a wonderful entry into the contest! You did a great job of personifying winter. Beautifully written and good luck!
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2012
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I think this is a wonderful entry into the contest! You did a great job of personifying winter. Beautifully written and good luck!
Comment Written 11-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2012
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Thank you so much Allison, I really appreciate the review and your nice comments.