Steve's Story-Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 12 "Woogle, Giki and the Mistbow"A collection of my poems
26 total reviews
Comment from visionary1234
oh you funny bunny kiwi! Of course, being a dummy Aussie I didn't read your author notes till last and I'd scratched my head over ROY G.BIV! :( LOVED SWMBO (which I hadn't heard before, though of course I do remember Leo Kern? saying those wonderful words ... just wish my hubbie would hear and understand them when he's MEANT to dammit!) You are so clever with rhyme & rhythm, even if you are a kiwi!! :) Sharyn
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2012
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oh you funny bunny kiwi! Of course, being a dummy Aussie I didn't read your author notes till last and I'd scratched my head over ROY G.BIV! :( LOVED SWMBO (which I hadn't heard before, though of course I do remember Leo Kern? saying those wonderful words ... just wish my hubbie would hear and understand them when he's MEANT to dammit!) You are so clever with rhyme & rhythm, even if you are a kiwi!! :) Sharyn
Comment Written 26-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2012
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Thanks, Sharyn
I always felt Rumpole was never terribly serious about the obeying. I was interested to find that John Mortimer who created him came across that particular term in Rider Haggard's novel 'She' about the African queen...
Steve
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now THAT I didn't know!!! What a found of wisdom you are! :)
Comment from Curly Girly
A delightful and entertaining stroy poem. Well done with this one. It was a pleasure to read. I can find no obvious need of correction. Best wishes. CG
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2012
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A delightful and entertaining stroy poem. Well done with this one. It was a pleasure to read. I can find no obvious need of correction. Best wishes. CG
Comment Written 26-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2012
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Thanks, CG
Steve
Comment from dmt1967
This is a very good poem it made me laugh and I had to smile at the she who must be obeyed lol I hope you do well in the contest and thank you for sharing
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2012
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This is a very good poem it made me laugh and I had to smile at the she who must be obeyed lol I hope you do well in the contest and thank you for sharing
Comment Written 26-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2012
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Thank you!
Steve
Comment from terry drake
You did a nice job introducing your friends to the readers of your poem. Your magic in verse was shared with wisdom as your cadence picked up the pace. I noticed one rhyme and then another that transformed each and every line.
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2012
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You did a nice job introducing your friends to the readers of your poem. Your magic in verse was shared with wisdom as your cadence picked up the pace. I noticed one rhyme and then another that transformed each and every line.
Comment Written 26-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2012
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Thanks, terry
Steve
Comment from cvcopac
Or you could have just called my brother--he's all three in one. Loved the quatrains, what can I say that hasn't been said a hundred times before. Good work and best of luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2012
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Or you could have just called my brother--he's all three in one. Loved the quatrains, what can I say that hasn't been said a hundred times before. Good work and best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 26-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2012
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Thank you - sonds like your brother is one to avoid as an opponent in Trivial Pursuits.
Steve
Comment from Hollyhock
Lovely quatrains, I like the longer line-lengths.
This piece has a narrative feel with touches of tongue-in-cheek humor.
I like the mix of romantic imagery and down-to-earth living.
Nice to see someone else is familiar with ROY G BIV, and a pleasure to meet SWMBO.
I assume Woogle and Giki should exchange initials?
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2012
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Lovely quatrains, I like the longer line-lengths.
This piece has a narrative feel with touches of tongue-in-cheek humor.
I like the mix of romantic imagery and down-to-earth living.
Nice to see someone else is familiar with ROY G BIV, and a pleasure to meet SWMBO.
I assume Woogle and Giki should exchange initials?
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 26-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2012
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Thank you for the thoughtful review - yes, I thought Woogle and Giki were obvious enough, although a couple of reviewers have commented on the unusual NZ names of my friends....
Steve
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Glad I got it right then, because I'm not particularly hi-tec!
Comment from rama devi
Hilarious. So entertaining and original...inventive, too! LOL
Superb meter and rhyming and flow as well as humorous content.
Love the clever rhyming and unique phrasing here:
Then they gabbled techno-jargon and then formed a grand alliance
To freak me out with geeky-speak and dazzle me with science.
Couple of suggestions:
In wonderment I gazed,. for in the western sky there shone
Remove stray period after comma.
You can guess the rest;(:) the mistbow just faded out to grey.
Enjoyed this whimsical write.
Love,rd
PS This is funny too...WMBO (pronounced Swimbo) is She Who Must Be Obeyed - she has appeared before in my poems.
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2012
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Hilarious. So entertaining and original...inventive, too! LOL
Superb meter and rhyming and flow as well as humorous content.
Love the clever rhyming and unique phrasing here:
Then they gabbled techno-jargon and then formed a grand alliance
To freak me out with geeky-speak and dazzle me with science.
Couple of suggestions:
In wonderment I gazed,. for in the western sky there shone
Remove stray period after comma.
You can guess the rest;(:) the mistbow just faded out to grey.
Enjoyed this whimsical write.
Love,rd
PS This is funny too...WMBO (pronounced Swimbo) is She Who Must Be Obeyed - she has appeared before in my poems.
Comment Written 26-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2012
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Rama, thanks for the kind review and the eagle eye - just having a bit of fun with this one and I don't really expect the judges will consider this type of poem a winner, but who knows.
Yes I really ended up combining two ideas here about the sighting of the mistbow and the usefulness of Google and Wikipedia - however did people (and poets) manage before those two knowledgeable friends came along?
Steve
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:-))
Comment from Thatguypk
This is a really lovely poem about an occurrence of which I've never heard before. Very educational. The whole piece has a very smooth rhythm, which makes for easy reading. Love the Kiwi names, and of course the SWMBO.
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2012
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This is a really lovely poem about an occurrence of which I've never heard before. Very educational. The whole piece has a very smooth rhythm, which makes for easy reading. Love the Kiwi names, and of course the SWMBO.
Comment Written 26-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2012
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Thank you, PK
Comment from TammyGail
kiwisteveh enjoyed your poem much - and thank you for the notes explaining - they brought a new insight to your ink making me read it twice and respect it much more - thanks for sharing always a pleasure and best of luck in the contest
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2012
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kiwisteveh enjoyed your poem much - and thank you for the notes explaining - they brought a new insight to your ink making me read it twice and respect it much more - thanks for sharing always a pleasure and best of luck in the contest
Comment Written 26-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2012
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Thanks, TG
Probably not what they're looking for in this contest but I seldom feel like writing deep and meaningful so light and fluffy will have to do!
Steve
Comment from robina1978
This poem can only be understood with your foot notes. Not sure if that is a good thing for a contest. I had never heard of fogbow, seems to be nice. Best wishes for the contest.
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2012
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This poem can only be understood with your foot notes. Not sure if that is a good thing for a contest. I had never heard of fogbow, seems to be nice. Best wishes for the contest.
Comment Written 26-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2012
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Hmmm, I would say the average reader gets most of it - hope so anyway.
Steve
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OK, I am foreign, Ine