Comment from cheyennewy

Excellent

Hi Mike,

This is an intriguing story and once I began to read I couldn't stop until the last word. Your fertile imagination serves you well. You developed your two characters very well and I was shocked when Desh turned on Chancer. That is a sign of a good writer and your skills are apparent in every line. Sorry I don't have a six for you. Now I wonder if Chancer did save the world? Well done and good luck in the contest, chey

 Comment Written 08-Sep-2012

---

reply by the author on 10-Sep-2012

Thanks so much, Chey :-). I'm glad you liked the mystery of the ending, - I thought I'd leave it to readers whether he succeeds or not.

Mike

Comment from barbara.wilkey

Excellent

Your contest entry is very creative, as all of your writing is. I found no mechanical problems, once again it's rare. I wish you the best of luck.

 Comment Written 08-Sep-2012

---

reply by the author on 10-Sep-2012

Thanks so much, Barbara - I really appreciate it :-).

Mike

Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell

Excellent

This is an amazing story coming from that picture. I looked at it for days and nothing came to me. You have produced a story that I would really like you to continue with. I want to know if he succeeded, where did they go if he did. You can't leave your reader like this!!!!! Absolutely brilliant. I don't have a 6, but it really deserves one. Good luck in the contest, I don't think you have any worries with this one!! Well done! Sandra.

 Comment Written 08-Sep-2012

---

reply by the author on 10-Sep-2012

Thank you, Sandra :-). I spent ages trying to get inspiration, too. It wasn't until just before the deadline (typically) that I finally had a reasonable idea. I'm glad I grabbed you enough that you want to know the rest. I'm considering turning this into a novel for this year's NaNoWriMo in November, so you may well get your wish!

Mike

Comment from Phyllis Stewart

Excellent

Very clever concept and you handled the story very well throughout. Solid, well written piece that I enjoyed reading. Hope this will be the winner... best I've seen yet, by far.

 Comment Written 07-Sep-2012

---

reply by the author on 10-Sep-2012

Thanks so much, Phyllis. We'll see with the contest - I never seem to fare well. One day I'm determined to win one, though!

Mike

Comment from G.B. Smith

Excellent

Hey there Mike
This is a magnificent story line for the Write About This contest entry. I think you should consider carrying it to the next level. I love this sort of literature
Bear

 Comment Written 07-Sep-2012

---

reply by the author on 07-Sep-2012

Thanks, Bear - I really appreciate it. I seem to get lots of ideas when I start writing scifi stories. Perhaps I should invest some more effort in that area.

Mike

Comment from delighteer

Excellent

I really enjoyed your story. The language differences were refreshing and reminded me of my life in England back in the 60s.For some reason I always hate commas (story speed bumps) that slow or halt the pace. The imagination is brilliant! Your characters might benefit from a description since it allows reader empathy. The theme of the worst elements being shipped to a far away zone is the British genius for Australia which must be somewhat personal. You are an excellent teller of tales.

 Comment Written 06-Sep-2012

---

reply by the author on 07-Sep-2012

Thanks so much, D :-). I find comma taste varies wildly - I've had people telling me to add them, others to remove them. In the end, I follow what flows right in my head and change it when I'm obviously wrong!

I do enjoy writing scifi, especially when I'm on a tight deadline like this (I decided way too late to enter the contest!). It lets me invent as I go, which is the most fun way to write!

Mike

Comment from c_lucas

Excellent

A neat concept, a ship built to destroy, not save humankind. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.

 Comment Written 06-Sep-2012

---

reply by the author on 07-Sep-2012

Thanks so much, Charlie :-). I should probably write more scifi - it really seems to stoke my imagination.

Mike

reply by c_lucas on 07-Sep-2012

You're welcome, Mike. Charlie

Comment from Selestia

Exceptional

Bravo! Standing ovation! As a scifi fan, I have to tell you this is spectacular. What a plot. Excellent response to the writing prompt and the picture. My favorite sentences: "Who cares about the crimes of our ancestors?" and "I can try." Very creative.

 Comment Written 06-Sep-2012

---

reply by the author on 07-Sep-2012

Thank you, Selestia :-). I think scifi needs that unexpected hook in its story, and that can be what makes it difficult. My approach is to just stat and see what happens - the ideas soon start coming once you have characters and setting in place. I'm so glad you enjoyed it!

Mike

Comment from Cornelius2000

Excellent

I'm not much into sci-fi, but I found this an interesting story, well written. You've created interesting characters who we get to know through their dialogue. Sounds as if I got in on the end of it.

 Comment Written 06-Sep-2012

---

reply by the author on 06-Sep-2012

Thank you, Cornelius :-). I'm glad you enjoyed it - I tried to focus very much on the characters in this one.

Mike

Comment from Gungalo

Excellent

Well Mike, what choice did he have eh? That Desh guy just kept asking for it so it mo wonder that in the end he got it, up close and personal.

 Comment Written 06-Sep-2012

---

reply by the author on 06-Sep-2012

lol, thanks, Gung :-). He was a testy bugger alright, and having a familial legacy to fulfill is no excuse for such hijinks! I'm glad you enjoyed the read, my friend :-).

Mike

reply by Gungalo on 06-Sep-2012

SMile Mike.