Are you going to San Francisco?
A plan comes together21 total reviews
Comment from Mary Ann MCPhedran
A good write and with imagery and flows. I liked this story and the chatters were interesting. I Enjoyed reading your story. Mary
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reply by the author on 07-Jul-2012
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A good write and with imagery and flows. I liked this story and the chatters were interesting. I Enjoyed reading your story. Mary
r
e
Comment Written 07-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2012
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thank you for your kind words.
Comment from WilliamDeen
Your "This Sentence Starts The Story" Story, Are you going to San Francisco?, is well written. You have great characters, believable dialogue and even a believable escape from Alcatraz!!! Well done! I really enjoyed this one! You could make a novella about Scott!
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2012
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Your "This Sentence Starts The Story" Story, Are you going to San Francisco?, is well written. You have great characters, believable dialogue and even a believable escape from Alcatraz!!! Well done! I really enjoyed this one! You could make a novella about Scott!
Comment Written 07-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2012
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thanks for your kind words. I am encouraged by the review.
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Scott is fascinating. You could write a novella about his previous escapes, elaborate on this escape, and more about what happens after this escape! I would love to read it!!!
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Thank you. You are not alone in suggesting I write more about Scott!
Comment from abbasjoy
Good story which displays the vulnerability of even a man of the cloth. Sad to say, there is always a chink in our armor, despite all the good we may try to do. This minister's Achilles heel was detected and uncovered by this con artist, rather quickly.
There is also suspense in this story. What if the minister didn't fall for the con man's ruse? But he did, because of his flesh.
Great job!
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2012
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Good story which displays the vulnerability of even a man of the cloth. Sad to say, there is always a chink in our armor, despite all the good we may try to do. This minister's Achilles heel was detected and uncovered by this con artist, rather quickly.
There is also suspense in this story. What if the minister didn't fall for the con man's ruse? But he did, because of his flesh.
Great job!
Comment Written 07-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2012
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Thank you for your review and encouragement. I am sorry, sometimes, that clergy are defamed as they are often serving sacrificially. Alas, in my fiction, quickly I agree, the cleric has met a temptation he surrenders to.
Comment from Scarbrems
Interesting exploration of a possible method of escape from Alcatraz...I liked it. It was well written and the perpetual escaper reminded me of Papillon. Good luck in the contest
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2012
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Interesting exploration of a possible method of escape from Alcatraz...I liked it. It was well written and the perpetual escaper reminded me of Papillon. Good luck in the contest
Comment Written 07-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2012
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Thank you for your kind review. I suppose that Papillon is always at the back of one's mind when we think of an escapee. Interesting that Steve McQueen also played a great escapist in The Great Escape too.
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Yeah, typecasting!
Comment from adewpearl
Strong description of setting sets the stage well in your opening paragraph.
Pulling the string cord, I turned - add comma
A judge and jury found you guilty of fraud, - add comma
Good dialogue between the narrator/escape artist and the warden
I love how while he is saying one thing out loud, he is planning his escape as they speak
Love the way he is conning the chaplain - he sure has no shame LOL
He sure is good at escaping - based on the number of escapes, he is less skilled at staying free. LOL Hope springs eternal. Great final sentence. Brooke :-)
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2012
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Strong description of setting sets the stage well in your opening paragraph.
Pulling the string cord, I turned - add comma
A judge and jury found you guilty of fraud, - add comma
Good dialogue between the narrator/escape artist and the warden
I love how while he is saying one thing out loud, he is planning his escape as they speak
Love the way he is conning the chaplain - he sure has no shame LOL
He sure is good at escaping - based on the number of escapes, he is less skilled at staying free. LOL Hope springs eternal. Great final sentence. Brooke :-)
Comment Written 06-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2012
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Thank you so much for your help, advice and encouraging words.
Comment from ennahanid
This put a stupid grin on my face and gave me a good chuckle here. I really liked this scammer here, Master of the Con. Held my attention from first to last words.
You used the word Petrol that puts you in the UK - gasoline or Gas in The States.
Thank you, warden - Warden
"Good morning, 17501, how are you feeling this afternoon?
- so is it AM or PM...just wondering.
A clever write and it thoroughly entertained me this morning so thanks for the grin and the chuckle - Dinah
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2012
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This put a stupid grin on my face and gave me a good chuckle here. I really liked this scammer here, Master of the Con. Held my attention from first to last words.
You used the word Petrol that puts you in the UK - gasoline or Gas in The States.
Thank you, warden - Warden
"Good morning, 17501, how are you feeling this afternoon?
- so is it AM or PM...just wondering.
A clever write and it thoroughly entertained me this morning so thanks for the grin and the chuckle - Dinah
Comment Written 06-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2012
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Thanks, Dinah, I really appreciate your words, and will amend the points you raise...thank you, Peter
Comment from LancsLass
Hi, good job on this story and natural usage of the prompt. Your story moves along well, and it's a good idea, too. I like the way you brought the beginning round to the end. Your dialogue is good and the telling is tight.
Well done and good luck in the competition. Anna
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2012
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Hi, good job on this story and natural usage of the prompt. Your story moves along well, and it's a good idea, too. I like the way you brought the beginning round to the end. Your dialogue is good and the telling is tight.
Well done and good luck in the competition. Anna
Comment Written 02-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2012
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Thanks for your kind words.
Comment from Chris Tee
This short story titled "Are you going to San Francisco?" is an absolutely wonderful story and it is well narrated. Great write with this one here!
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2012
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This short story titled "Are you going to San Francisco?" is an absolutely wonderful story and it is well narrated. Great write with this one here!
Comment Written 02-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2012
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Thank you so much for your kind comment.
Comment from c_lucas
The story is well written and held my attention. The only suggestion I have is to improve the formatting with blank line spaces. Dialogue should have a blank line space at the beginning and ending of each speaker. A blank line space should separate the paragraphs.
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2012
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The story is well written and held my attention. The only suggestion I have is to improve the formatting with blank line spaces. Dialogue should have a blank line space at the beginning and ending of each speaker. A blank line space should separate the paragraphs.
Comment Written 02-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2012
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Thank you for your generous comment and helpful advice
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You're welcome.
Comment from barkingdog
I enjoyed your story of escape from The Rock.
A con-man conned the Minister. That was clever.
The pace of the story was fine and your dialogue was very natural.
Good luck in the contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2012
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I enjoyed your story of escape from The Rock.
A con-man conned the Minister. That was clever.
The pace of the story was fine and your dialogue was very natural.
Good luck in the contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 02-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2012
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Thank you for your kind words, which are appreciated.