Short
Viewing comments for Chapter 78 "Trouble Ender"Shorter stories
26 total reviews
Comment from Cornelius2000
Nice job of creating a combination of fantasy and "real people," and telling a complete story in very few words. Creating believable names for characters is not easy, and I liked the ones you attached to the "required" characters.
I didn't quite get the ending of the piece, describing the fates of the good guys, who presumably got off the elevator safely, before telling about those who didn't make it. And I wondered about using "wheeled apparatus" instead of the simpler "wheel chair."
But on the whole it was an enjoyable read. Well done!
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2012
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Nice job of creating a combination of fantasy and "real people," and telling a complete story in very few words. Creating believable names for characters is not easy, and I liked the ones you attached to the "required" characters.
I didn't quite get the ending of the piece, describing the fates of the good guys, who presumably got off the elevator safely, before telling about those who didn't make it. And I wondered about using "wheeled apparatus" instead of the simpler "wheel chair."
But on the whole it was an enjoyable read. Well done!
Comment Written 09-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2012
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Thank you for your kind and encouraging review.
Comment from Essence16
I think this was a very creative and interesting story. I liked the plot and I think the numerous details you used were very helpful. Great job on this!
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2012
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I think this was a very creative and interesting story. I liked the plot and I think the numerous details you used were very helpful. Great job on this!
Comment Written 08-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2012
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Thank you for your kind and encouraging review. Bill
Comment from Mrs Happy Poet
This is very well written you brought the characters to life well I enjoyed and I wish you good luck in the contest well done regards Jill
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2012
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This is very well written you brought the characters to life well I enjoyed and I wish you good luck in the contest well done regards Jill
Comment Written 08-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2012
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Thank you for your kind and encouraging review.
Comment from Cat Lover
Extremely well written. Everyone got what they deserved. The ending was never given away. Well done. Good luck with the contest.
I can't think of anyway to improve this story at all.
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2012
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Extremely well written. Everyone got what they deserved. The ending was never given away. Well done. Good luck with the contest.
I can't think of anyway to improve this story at all.
Comment Written 08-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2012
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Thank you for your extremely generous and enthusiastic review. Bill
Comment from Gungalo
This is some story. Now he'll leave, go back to the church and be absolved of all his sins, right. Oh what a wicked world we live in.
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2012
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This is some story. Now he'll leave, go back to the church and be absolved of all his sins, right. Oh what a wicked world we live in.
Comment Written 07-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2012
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Thank you for reading my story. Bill
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Sigh ...
Comment from TammyGail
Damn what a story you crafted for this contest
for sure I was hoping the nasty greed laden woman
would meet her demise and I guess
the first statement about the teen flying
slipped by until the end
thanks for sharing and best of luck
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2012
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Damn what a story you crafted for this contest
for sure I was hoping the nasty greed laden woman
would meet her demise and I guess
the first statement about the teen flying
slipped by until the end
thanks for sharing and best of luck
Comment Written 07-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2012
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Thank you for your enthusiastic and encouraging review.
Comment from Eden Alexander
Great story! There were a few grammatical errors, like using her twice in the same sentence. I don't understand the meaning of why some lived and some didn't. Maybe clarify that a little bit more. Otherwise this was very imaginative and fun. Reminded me of Skyrim at the beginning.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2012
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Great story! There were a few grammatical errors, like using her twice in the same sentence. I don't understand the meaning of why some lived and some didn't. Maybe clarify that a little bit more. Otherwise this was very imaginative and fun. Reminded me of Skyrim at the beginning.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2012
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Thank you.
Comment from gramalot8
Well, that was a different storyline. You did include everything required for the contest. I'm not sure about your ending... somehow didn't make sense to me, but that's just my opinon. Overall, however, you did a good job. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2012
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Well, that was a different storyline. You did include everything required for the contest. I'm not sure about your ending... somehow didn't make sense to me, but that's just my opinon. Overall, however, you did a good job. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2012
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Sorry I couldn't bring it home for you. Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from ScarletClearwater
Interesting idea for this prompt. it was very imaginative. Interesting characters and names for them. Great job with this piece.
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2012
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Interesting idea for this prompt. it was very imaginative. Interesting characters and names for them. Great job with this piece.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2012
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Thank you for your kind and encouraging review.
Comment from MumEsGirl
This was an excelleent and original approach to this contest. I thoroughly enjoyed it. Love the priest becomming a gigolo, hilarious.
I wish you luck with this entry
hugs
kate
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2012
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This was an excelleent and original approach to this contest. I thoroughly enjoyed it. Love the priest becomming a gigolo, hilarious.
I wish you luck with this entry
hugs
kate
Comment Written 06-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2012
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Thank you for your enthusiastic and encouraging review.