The Heir Apparent
Viewing comments for Prologue "Good News and Bad News"A family learns their father is a serial killer
20 total reviews
Comment from words
James' grandmother has a lot of courage.
I think that she is going to be a better witness than the defense anticipates.
I am looking forward to seeing how she does in court.
As usual, you fully engaged me with the chapter.
Hugs,d
reply by the author on 01-May-2012
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James' grandmother has a lot of courage.
I think that she is going to be a better witness than the defense anticipates.
I am looking forward to seeing how she does in court.
As usual, you fully engaged me with the chapter.
Hugs,d
Comment Written 01-May-2012
reply by the author on 01-May-2012
She dealt with Dark her entire life, what could a wimpy defense attorney do to scare her? She is one tough lady.
Comment from Readywriter52
When Alfina makes it through her operation, she will have to face her son on the witness stand. I hope that James and his family can prepare her properly for the testimony. It will be hard on her.
reply by the author on 01-May-2012
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When Alfina makes it through her operation, she will have to face her son on the witness stand. I hope that James and his family can prepare her properly for the testimony. It will be hard on her.
Comment Written 01-May-2012
reply by the author on 01-May-2012
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Yes, she is in for a rough ride.
Comment from Janie King
Oh dear, it will take some coaching and working with her to help her understand..but can you every grasp the evilness of another human being, especially your son and father/husband. God bless.
reply by the author on 01-May-2012
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Oh dear, it will take some coaching and working with her to help her understand..but can you every grasp the evilness of another human being, especially your son and father/husband. God bless.
Comment Written 01-May-2012
reply by the author on 01-May-2012
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Unfortunately, I can. Alfina is a strong woman, I think with a little help, she will do just fine.
Comment from Alaskastory
'Good News and Bad News' is a well done chapter that gets the reader prepared for more. Amputation is quite a decision for such a young guy to make, but you have James handle it well.
comma: '.."Thank you so much(,) Martha,
replace to: '...walked back toward [to] (the) operating room then turned back..'
need quote marks for this paragraph: (")You and Tom are going to have to really.............."
I look forward to the big hearing coming up. Marie
reply by the author on 01-May-2012
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'Good News and Bad News' is a well done chapter that gets the reader prepared for more. Amputation is quite a decision for such a young guy to make, but you have James handle it well.
comma: '.."Thank you so much(,) Martha,
replace to: '...walked back toward [to] (the) operating room then turned back..'
need quote marks for this paragraph: (")You and Tom are going to have to really.............."
I look forward to the big hearing coming up. Marie
Comment Written 01-May-2012
reply by the author on 01-May-2012
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Thanks for catching the spags. I am pleased you like this one.
Comment from Gungalo
Not to worry, she'll do just fine. Anyone with the where withal to go through what she's already managed to survive will do quite well on the stand. I have a feeling those DAs boys are in for the time of their lives. LOL.
reply by the author on 01-May-2012
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Not to worry, she'll do just fine. Anyone with the where withal to go through what she's already managed to survive will do quite well on the stand. I have a feeling those DAs boys are in for the time of their lives. LOL.
Comment Written 01-May-2012
reply by the author on 01-May-2012
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Alfina is strong as an ox. You are right, she'll do just fine.
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Smiles.
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
2nd section Paragraph 7, Line 1..back toward [the] (to) operating room. Paragraph 16, Line 1...his concern(ed) appeared sincere.
It will be interesting to see the developing dynamics when Alfina finally takes the stand. Giddy
reply by the author on 01-May-2012
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2nd section Paragraph 7, Line 1..back toward [the] (to) operating room. Paragraph 16, Line 1...his concern(ed) appeared sincere.
It will be interesting to see the developing dynamics when Alfina finally takes the stand. Giddy
Comment Written 01-May-2012
reply by the author on 01-May-2012
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Thanks for catching the spags. I am pleased you liked this one.
Comment from cheyennewy
Hi Sasha,
Oh dear, I feel sorry for Alfina and wonder how she will take being grilled by lawyers on the other side. They can be so cruel but I know that is what they get paid to do. I am glad Alfina's leg doesn't have to be amputated and think she will do just fine with a prosthetic. Also that her tumor wasn't malignant, she has been though so much, she needs a break no matter how small. I am so into this story and always sad to see a chapter to end. Well done....blessings, chey
reply by the author on 01-May-2012
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Hi Sasha,
Oh dear, I feel sorry for Alfina and wonder how she will take being grilled by lawyers on the other side. They can be so cruel but I know that is what they get paid to do. I am glad Alfina's leg doesn't have to be amputated and think she will do just fine with a prosthetic. Also that her tumor wasn't malignant, she has been though so much, she needs a break no matter how small. I am so into this story and always sad to see a chapter to end. Well done....blessings, chey
Comment Written 01-May-2012
reply by the author on 01-May-2012
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I worked for 5 years in the Univeristy of Washington Department of Rehab Medicine and they are among the finest in the world. Alfiina will be up and around in no time. Yes, she certainly needs a break.
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I bet that was an interesting job!
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Yes, I was the secretary to the Head of the Department. I enjoyed it very much.
Comment from c_lucas
In modern cases, it is the victim who has to be discredited. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.
he has angles (angels)
heart off (of)the case
reply by the author on 01-May-2012
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In modern cases, it is the victim who has to be discredited. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.
he has angles (angels)
heart off (of)the case
Comment Written 01-May-2012
reply by the author on 01-May-2012
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Thanks for catching the spags. I am pleased you liked this one.
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You're welcome, Sasha. Charlie
Comment from hazemddo
Gripping story, I enjoyed every bit of it. I loved the narrator's train of thoughts when he was asked to make the decision.
The pace was good too.
I think this needs to be rewritten:
his concerned appeared sincere.
I think there are some unimportant words in the following:
However, complications have developed with her foot. The damage done is {far} more severe than anticipated. It has been repeatedly broken and several blood vessels have been blocked causing {severe} deformity of the bone.
I think a hospital employee is usually trained to avoid using these words in his speech. This is my personal opinion. It can be right or wrong.
Thanks for the great story :)
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reply by the author on 01-May-2012
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Gripping story, I enjoyed every bit of it. I loved the narrator's train of thoughts when he was asked to make the decision.
The pace was good too.
I think this needs to be rewritten:
his concerned appeared sincere.
I think there are some unimportant words in the following:
However, complications have developed with her foot. The damage done is {far} more severe than anticipated. It has been repeatedly broken and several blood vessels have been blocked causing {severe} deformity of the bone.
I think a hospital employee is usually trained to avoid using these words in his speech. This is my personal opinion. It can be right or wrong.
Thanks for the great story :)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 01-May-2012
reply by the author on 01-May-2012
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Thanks for the suggestions. I'll go back over that section and see what I can do to improve it.
Comment from adewpearl
Angela, tell me about God - add comma for direct address
he has angles that help - angels
his name was Lucifer, but - add comma
James, did you know God created the world and man? - add question mark
why he don't use his magic and make the Devil want to be good? - add question mark
the heart OFF the case against Dad - OF
I would like to know too, but I doubt - add comma
There is plenty of room, and we - add comma
Thank you so much, Martha - add comma for direct address
I appreciate you ask me to stay with you, but - add comma
explained the procedure to her, and - add comma
confused about the anesthetic, but - add comma
It has been repeatedly broken, and - add comma
We can remove the deformed portion of the bone, but - add comma
The operation will take one or two more hours, and - add comma
I knew Angela was right, but - add comma
Tom told me about Alfina's surgery, and - add comma
She is an amazingly strong woman, and - add comma
Your Dad now knows - dad
even if he offered to plead guilty, I doubt - add comma
not required to speak to the defense attorney, nor - add comma
through hell her entire life, and now - add comma
I think I am going to HATE this trial... Brooke
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 01-May-2012
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Angela, tell me about God - add comma for direct address
he has angles that help - angels
his name was Lucifer, but - add comma
James, did you know God created the world and man? - add question mark
why he don't use his magic and make the Devil want to be good? - add question mark
the heart OFF the case against Dad - OF
I would like to know too, but I doubt - add comma
There is plenty of room, and we - add comma
Thank you so much, Martha - add comma for direct address
I appreciate you ask me to stay with you, but - add comma
explained the procedure to her, and - add comma
confused about the anesthetic, but - add comma
It has been repeatedly broken, and - add comma
We can remove the deformed portion of the bone, but - add comma
The operation will take one or two more hours, and - add comma
I knew Angela was right, but - add comma
Tom told me about Alfina's surgery, and - add comma
She is an amazingly strong woman, and - add comma
Your Dad now knows - dad
even if he offered to plead guilty, I doubt - add comma
not required to speak to the defense attorney, nor - add comma
through hell her entire life, and now - add comma
I think I am going to HATE this trial... Brooke
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 01-May-2012
reply by the author on 01-May-2012
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Me too. I think this one wins the most spag contest that, by the way, I wasn't having. I am pleased you liked this one.
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I love this story so much - it makes me quite forgiving about commas :-)
