The Heir Apparent
Viewing comments for Chapter 49 "The Deposion Part 2"A family learns their father is a serial killer
21 total reviews
Comment from words
I am amazed that Marie Ann's grandmother could listen to the hard truths of this deposition.
You have painted the picture of a truly remarkable woman here.
Dark is a very good name for James' grandfather ... he was "dark",indeed.
Hugs,d
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2012
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I am amazed that Marie Ann's grandmother could listen to the hard truths of this deposition.
You have painted the picture of a truly remarkable woman here.
Dark is a very good name for James' grandfather ... he was "dark",indeed.
Hugs,d
Comment Written 29-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2012
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The name Adian in Romanian means 'Dark'. es it certainly is appropriate for this character. I am so pleased you continue to enjoy this story.
Comment from CALLAHANMR
Hi Valerie:)
Just when I think your story can;t get any better, it rises to a new level. I think this novel will one day be recognized as an American classic. As usual, I have some specific comments. Please note that I repeat long paragraphs, just as you wrote them only to best illustrate passages that have an emotional impact on me:
1. I think it is too hard on you to hear the details of what [happen ==> happened] to her." {A typo?}
2. Suddenly Grandmother sat up and with a big grin on her face said, "James, Dr. Stolov tell me he can take out the bump in my lung at the same time Dr. Guzzel be fixing my foot. Isn't it amazing they can see inside my body with their machines? Dark was wrong when he say the world be a bad place where the devil live. Dark was wrong, the devil live in the cabin, not out here with you. {Valerie, this is an incredible paragraph. You show grandmother being like a small child seeing the outside world for the first time. What great insight you give her. How expressive she has become, with only a limited, but rapidly growing vocabulary.}
3. Grandmother's smile disappeared and large tears raced down her cheeks. Looking away from me, Grandmother said, "James, I think Dark be the Devil and he take Alexandru and make him a devil too. Her bottom lip began to quiver. "James, if they be devils, what do that make me?" {Such insight and what a powerful rhetorical question with no totally satisfactory answer.]
4. When Alexandru dig the [hold ==> hole} he dig up a rose bush that lay beside 'Little Flower'. {A typo?}
5. I looked around the room and everyone, including myself, was crying. Dark broke my father but not Grandmother. She had a heart full of compassion and love. And at the worst moments in time, it was that love that got her through it all. I no longer saw her as a victim. She was most definitely a survivor and best of all, she was MY Grandmother. {Another great paragraph as James expresses pride in his GRANDMOTHER.}
At the conclusion of this deposition nobody could doubt that grandmother was telling the whole truth now. somehow she will be able to handle any questions from the grand jury, because she is prepared to speak the whole truth.
I'm ready for more and so is Marilyn. Too bad that we ran out of stars.
We both send you best wishes and hope everything is improving for you.
Love and Irish Hugs to aid your healing,
Roger and Marilyn Callahan
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2012
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Hi Valerie:)
Just when I think your story can;t get any better, it rises to a new level. I think this novel will one day be recognized as an American classic. As usual, I have some specific comments. Please note that I repeat long paragraphs, just as you wrote them only to best illustrate passages that have an emotional impact on me:
1. I think it is too hard on you to hear the details of what [happen ==> happened] to her." {A typo?}
2. Suddenly Grandmother sat up and with a big grin on her face said, "James, Dr. Stolov tell me he can take out the bump in my lung at the same time Dr. Guzzel be fixing my foot. Isn't it amazing they can see inside my body with their machines? Dark was wrong when he say the world be a bad place where the devil live. Dark was wrong, the devil live in the cabin, not out here with you. {Valerie, this is an incredible paragraph. You show grandmother being like a small child seeing the outside world for the first time. What great insight you give her. How expressive she has become, with only a limited, but rapidly growing vocabulary.}
3. Grandmother's smile disappeared and large tears raced down her cheeks. Looking away from me, Grandmother said, "James, I think Dark be the Devil and he take Alexandru and make him a devil too. Her bottom lip began to quiver. "James, if they be devils, what do that make me?" {Such insight and what a powerful rhetorical question with no totally satisfactory answer.]
4. When Alexandru dig the [hold ==> hole} he dig up a rose bush that lay beside 'Little Flower'. {A typo?}
5. I looked around the room and everyone, including myself, was crying. Dark broke my father but not Grandmother. She had a heart full of compassion and love. And at the worst moments in time, it was that love that got her through it all. I no longer saw her as a victim. She was most definitely a survivor and best of all, she was MY Grandmother. {Another great paragraph as James expresses pride in his GRANDMOTHER.}
At the conclusion of this deposition nobody could doubt that grandmother was telling the whole truth now. somehow she will be able to handle any questions from the grand jury, because she is prepared to speak the whole truth.
I'm ready for more and so is Marilyn. Too bad that we ran out of stars.
We both send you best wishes and hope everything is improving for you.
Love and Irish Hugs to aid your healing,
Roger and Marilyn Callahan
Comment Written 29-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2012
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Tanks you so much for catching all the typo's. I am so thrilled you find this story so interesting. There are so many characters that I needed to list them at the botton for those who needed to double check who was who. This has been a hard book to write because I get so personally involved with each character. I often find myself crying and even getting angry. Thank you so much for your detailed critique of this chapter. I do hop;e both of you are doing well.
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Sorry we couldn't give a higher rating but it isn't permitterd
Comment from Janie King
Oh dear..they're going to have to let her be questioned by the prosecuting attorney...that gets ugly when you understad the system..oh dear...God bless.
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2012
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Oh dear..they're going to have to let her be questioned by the prosecuting attorney...that gets ugly when you understad the system..oh dear...God bless.
Comment Written 29-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2012
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Yes, cross examinations can be very, very nasty and quite upsetting. Grandmother will need lots of preparation to deal with this.
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
4th paragraph, last line:'what happen[ed] to her.
If there is a trial with the grand jury, it's going to be full of tension while we see how Grandmother copes with the strain. Giddy
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2012
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4th paragraph, last line:'what happen[ed] to her.
If there is a trial with the grand jury, it's going to be full of tension while we see how Grandmother copes with the strain. Giddy
Comment Written 28-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2012
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Cross examination can be very nasty and quite upsetting. Grandmother will need lots of preparation to be able to deal with this.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
This is another good job. You have a winner on your hands.
Angela smiled and patted my hand affectionately, "Sorry, there is nothing you can say to change my mind." (period after affectionately)
"The screamstopped and I wait long time before the back door open (space between screams and stopped)
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2012
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This is another good job. You have a winner on your hands.
Angela smiled and patted my hand affectionately, "Sorry, there is nothing you can say to change my mind." (period after affectionately)
"The screamstopped and I wait long time before the back door open (space between screams and stopped)
Comment Written 28-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2012
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Thanks for catching the spags. Glad you like this one.
Comment from tasettrini
This is a catching story. I will go back and read for more detail.The plot seems to continue with just a few spags here or there and a couple of miss spells and or sentence structure.At times it seems a bit stated,less emotion to matter-of-fact,but then is allowed to catch up with more following.This is a very compelling story dear writer.I look forward to more. Thank you.
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2012
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This is a catching story. I will go back and read for more detail.The plot seems to continue with just a few spags here or there and a couple of miss spells and or sentence structure.At times it seems a bit stated,less emotion to matter-of-fact,but then is allowed to catch up with more following.This is a very compelling story dear writer.I look forward to more. Thank you.
Comment Written 28-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2012
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Thank you very much. For what it's worth, it is a fast read. I am pleased you liked this only having read one chapter.
Comment from Silverjay36
Great second half! I was hooked from the beginning to the end. The one error was (yo9u t)at the beginning. I can't wait to read more.
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2012
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Great second half! I was hooked from the beginning to the end. The one error was (yo9u t)at the beginning. I can't wait to read more.
Comment Written 28-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2012
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Yes, I caught the spag. I am so pleased you liked this one.
Comment from DaGirl
I respect your skills and experience and only doing this review perhaps for my own learning.
The story is trully exceptional with good touches of suspense at the right spots but just a noted a few things to bring to your attention.
*In your background- you used the word 'Lave', while i know it has an english meaning, i just wanted to point it out incase you meant 'have'.
*Also here:- 'I think it is too hard on yo9u t hear the.....'
* here, there was no end of Angela's conversation quote ''Angela shook her head. "Yes, it is hard, but I have to be there for both Alfina and Marie Anne. Your grandmother told me she feels guilty for how John turned out...''
*'her' is missing ''I've told she is not the cause of what happened,'' etc
i thin you should spellcheck generally and read through again.
Aside that, the plot is nice and consistent.
Best regards
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2012
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I respect your skills and experience and only doing this review perhaps for my own learning.
The story is trully exceptional with good touches of suspense at the right spots but just a noted a few things to bring to your attention.
*In your background- you used the word 'Lave', while i know it has an english meaning, i just wanted to point it out incase you meant 'have'.
*Also here:- 'I think it is too hard on yo9u t hear the.....'
* here, there was no end of Angela's conversation quote ''Angela shook her head. "Yes, it is hard, but I have to be there for both Alfina and Marie Anne. Your grandmother told me she feels guilty for how John turned out...''
*'her' is missing ''I've told she is not the cause of what happened,'' etc
i thin you should spellcheck generally and read through again.
Aside that, the plot is nice and consistent.
Best regards
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 28-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2012
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Sasdly, my spell check doesn't catch grammar and doesn't do so well on misspelled words. Thanks for the generous review.
Comment from c_lucas
This is a very strong, emotional chapter. It has an interesting flow of words, making for a very strong read. There is good imagery.
it is too hard on yo9u t (you to)hear the
a trip u (up)to Mt. Rainier,
They did up 'Little Flower' (dig)
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2012
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This is a very strong, emotional chapter. It has an interesting flow of words, making for a very strong read. There is good imagery.
it is too hard on yo9u t (you to)hear the
a trip u (up)to Mt. Rainier,
They did up 'Little Flower' (dig)
Comment Written 28-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2012
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Thanks for catching the spags. My spell check is pretty bad, I spell checked this 4 times. Glad you liked this one.
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You're welcome, Sasha. Charlie
Comment from adewpearl
typo - too hard on you9u t hear the details
I've told she is not the cause - I've told her she
James, your Grandmother - grandmother
Television and radio confuses - confuse
a trip u to Mt. Ranier - get rid of "u"
James, that's because he plead guilty - pleaded
The defendant can appear in his own defense, but - add comma
a liar or worse, a cazy woman - crazy
You convey James's concern for his grandmother really well - excellent dialogue to depict his feelings
Good comic relief as Grandmother devours the pudding and jello LOL
Looking away from me, Grandmother said - add the comma
Alfina, I would like to pick up - add comma
You were hiding in the shed you heard - when you heard
I love the pride James feels for her
They did up Little Flower - dig
How long did you stay at the cabin after John burry - buried
What powerful testimony - she is one amazing woman :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2012
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typo - too hard on you9u t hear the details
I've told she is not the cause - I've told her she
James, your Grandmother - grandmother
Television and radio confuses - confuse
a trip u to Mt. Ranier - get rid of "u"
James, that's because he plead guilty - pleaded
The defendant can appear in his own defense, but - add comma
a liar or worse, a cazy woman - crazy
You convey James's concern for his grandmother really well - excellent dialogue to depict his feelings
Good comic relief as Grandmother devours the pudding and jello LOL
Looking away from me, Grandmother said - add the comma
Alfina, I would like to pick up - add comma
You were hiding in the shed you heard - when you heard
I love the pride James feels for her
They did up Little Flower - dig
How long did you stay at the cabin after John burry - buried
What powerful testimony - she is one amazing woman :-) Brooke
Comment Written 28-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2012
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Strange, I spell checked this 4 times!!! Thanks for catching all the spags. I am pleased you picked up on James's pride for his grandmother.
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I detest spell checkers - they are notoriously unreliable :-)