Comment from Jen Gentry

Excellent

OH what a lovely and enchanting story I really enjoyed reading it and I think I will read it to my four-year-granddaughter as she loves for me to read to her. Great Job and good luck
Jenny

 Comment Written 20-Mar-2012

Comment from ladybird

Excellent

What an enchanting story.
As I read further down the page, it occurred to me that this would make a wonderful little story in booklet form, for when small, adopted children start to question why they are different to their adopted family.
Very nicely told in words a child can understand.

 Comment Written 20-Mar-2012

Comment from RazberryBullet

Excellent

Got a chuckle here: They had grey colored fur and really big black circles around their eyes, as if they hadn't slept in ages. ;)

suggestions: ``He is a /wile>wily/ critter that one is...``Why are you running away(,)Freddy?``...My name is Fantasia and I have been watching you(,)Freddy...``Who(,) Charlie?``...

Hmm... Wasn't expecting that ending, especially after the fox family came out.

 Comment Written 20-Mar-2012

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reply by the author on 20-Mar-2012

Thanks so much for reading and reviewing...glad you got a chuckle out of that line lol...thanks for the suggestions and I am really glad you enjoyed the story.

Comment from WLHall

Excellent

This is an excellent children's story that they can learn from. Very creative. You made the animals come to life through their dialogue and actions.
The only thing I see you could improve on is in the 3rd paragraph where you use the phrase "had happened" three times. Maybe you could just leave one of them out altogether or rephrase one of the sentences to say "Freddy didn't know exactly what became of his parents, but..."
But the three times is definitely over used.
But I loved the moral of the story and the pic was perfect.
Wanda

 Comment Written 20-Mar-2012

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reply by the author on 20-Mar-2012

Hi Wanda...thanks so much for reading and reviewing...got to tell you I did go back and check that third paragraph and you are absolutely correct ``what happened`` is definitely over used. I did go back and revise it so if you have time I would really appreciate what you think about my change. Blessings.

reply by WLHall on 20-Mar-2012

Yes, it's better with the one taken out. I think I would have taken out a second one and reworded it. Esp. since it was used so closely to each other, but it was better. I am only saying what I would have done. That doesn't mean I'm the authoriry on things like this. Trust yourself. It's still a solid 5 in my book!

Comment from Janice Canerdy

Exceptional

This story is just delightful. It's well-written, entertaining, and touching. You have done a refreshing treatment of an old but timeless theme. Also, your dialogue is excellent.

 Comment Written 20-Mar-2012

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reply by the author on 20-Mar-2012

Thanks so much for the six stars Janice Canerdy...I truly appreciate them and I appreciate your words...blessings.

Comment from Shirley McLain

Excellent

That was a very cute story. I would give you a six if I had it. It taught a very valuable lesson about being different. Excellent job.

 Comment Written 20-Mar-2012

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reply by the author on 20-Mar-2012

Thanks so much for reading and reviewing Texasgal930...I am glad you enjoyed the story...blessings.

Comment from Margaret Snowdon

Excellent

What a delightful story
about Freddy the Fox...
I love wild-life tales
and this one was a real
pleasure to read.

A good contender for the contest..
good luck to you.

Margaret

 Comment Written 20-Mar-2012

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reply by the author on 20-Mar-2012

Thanks so much Margaret, for reading and reviewing my story. I am glad you enjoyed it...blessings.

Comment from sweetwoodjax

Excellent

this is very well written, mystery writer, you did a great job writing this story about the fox that found out his family wasn't what they look like, but the love they feel inside. good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 20-Mar-2012

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reply by the author on 20-Mar-2012

Thanks sweetwoodjax, for reading and reviewing...I am glad you enjoyed the story...blessings.

Comment from mauial

Excellent

Like your story line. Many times there are those within their own fleshly families that feel out of place and how much more so would an adopted one feel. But the moral of your story that flesh does not a family make, but love and care does, is great.

 Comment Written 20-Mar-2012

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reply by the author on 20-Mar-2012

Thanks so much manuial, for reading and reviewing my story...I am glad you enjoyed it...blessings.

Comment from smudge

Excellent

A sweet story about a fox and a fairy. The fox was adopted by raccoons and was having an identity crisis. This is very cute and well written.

 Comment Written 20-Mar-2012

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reply by the author on 20-Mar-2012

Thanks so much for reading and reviewing smudge...I am glad you enjoyed it...blessings.