Comment from dhee khaye

Excellent

I love the uniqueness of your work. I love reading works like yours. It is very unusual, although some had already did, yet there's some components in your work that makes it looks like different and unique. Keep it up. God bless.

 Comment Written 20-Feb-2012

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reply by the author on 20-Feb-2012

thanks

Comment from driven

Good

The old second-termer (the only man I'd ever known that chose another stint on the lines over death.) > period goes outside of the end parentheses I would give this a four and a half if I could...it was a little too short for me to give it a five and bathe in a lengthy bout of excellence...I have only glimmers of what this is about...and I really like that ;) I sense something really good coming down the pike, and I enjoy being somewhat in the dark about things...I know others who lack a certain facet of imagination do not...theri loss, my gain! Good pace. Good hints. I look forward to reading more!

 Comment Written 20-Feb-2012

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reply by the author on 20-Feb-2012

Thanks, nice fair review. I've been toying with the idea of making this a bit more of an easy read, or adding a previous chapter. We'll see.Thanks again

Comment from Scornwell

Excellent

I thought this was well written and very imaginative. As for the italics, I thought you used them to their best advantage in a manner that seems to be accepted as the industry standard showing when the dialog is being carried on inside ones own head. For some reason this story made me think of 'Welcome to the Monkey House' a short story by one of my all time favorite authors, Kurt Vonegut Jr.

 Comment Written 20-Feb-2012

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reply by the author on 20-Feb-2012

Thanks for looking and the kind words. I'm unfamiliar with that author. :)

Comment from Merajul

Excellent

The lines are written well enough to keep the reader's interest in the passage till the very end. As I was going through the passage ,I felt that the questions are put to me! The detailings are good.

 Comment Written 20-Feb-2012

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reply by the author on 20-Feb-2012

thanks, kind of you

Comment from ulster3

Excellent

Hello, Herb.
I sure am glad to be in the present. So is my kitty, Cleo, retrieved from a shelter. This is absorbing. Are you writing about androids? This first chapter is suspensful and holding. It leaves questions, but no hand is round my throat. Good job!
Warmly, Rebecca

 Comment Written 19-Feb-2012

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reply by the author on 20-Feb-2012

Thanks, Rebecca.

Comment from Gungalo

Excellent

Hey Herb this is quite the write. I thing, if I understand it correctly that this guy's punishment was to have his head filled with one of his victims thoughts. Weird! Well perhaps not, in a funky kind of way.

 Comment Written 19-Feb-2012

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reply by the author on 20-Feb-2012

Thanks, G. He is forces to have his victims conciousness placed into his sub-concious. So yeah, just like you said.

reply by Gungalo on 20-Feb-2012

Smiling at you.

Comment from JW

Excellent

Okay. If you say so - You're dumb. Dumb enough to create an interesting first chapter to a new story. Dumb enough to hold that interest until the last word. And dumb enough to leave a reader wondering, what's next. :-) JW

 Comment Written 19-Feb-2012

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reply by the author on 19-Feb-2012

Haha, well as long as you want to know more then I'm happy. Thanks. :)

Comment from barbara.wilkey

Excellent

I thought I would give you a try. Science Fiction is not my area. I'm into romance. Oh well, it's interesting and was a good write.

"Hey, you're my neighbour ... Treb-six, right? The last time I saw you. You looked like you were going to... (You need an ending quotation mark.)

 Comment Written 19-Feb-2012

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reply by the author on 19-Feb-2012

Thanks, Barb. no quotes as she is only a conciousness. The conciousness of his first murder victim, down loaded into his sub-concious as a way to rehabilitation. That was a mouthful but I said it was complicated, probably too much so. :) Oh well live and learn.

Comment from rightforyou

Excellent

Herb


I loved reading this wonderful chapter of this story along with the creative writing included inside very well done...Great job on structure as well as flow keeping the story from being boring,,,Ron

 Comment Written 19-Feb-2012

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reply by the author on 19-Feb-2012

thanks.

Comment from TammyGail

Excellent

Bending the rules well I enjoy doing such things so no bitching from me, I'm also horrible at spag or tearing others work to pieces so sorry sweetie, I merely read or let the words read me.. Either way I really liked this Herb
It was dark and compelling as hell, interesting as you had my att throughout with ease.

Very well written and expressed like all your work I've had the pleasure to read, loved the formatting by the way it makes your word stand out more, looks clean and just makes for a better read all around.

Loved the closing lines you have me for the next part ready and waiting. Thanks for sharing it was a pleasure.

 Comment Written 19-Feb-2012

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reply by the author on 19-Feb-2012

Thanks, Glad you liked it.