The Red Dress
Viewing comments for Chapter 45 "The Red Dress chapter forty-five"The story of a teenage girl
26 total reviews
Comment from Sarah_Goldwell
This is a strong and very potent chapter. YOu have captured the court scene well and I found myself getting angry with the sleaze ball barrister trying to discredit Lisa on the stand. Many people will identify with the frustrations of this true to life court scene, it is the very reason why many women fail to report rape. As for Nick I wanted to punch him in the face at the end lol x
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2012
  |
This is a strong and very potent chapter. YOu have captured the court scene well and I found myself getting angry with the sleaze ball barrister trying to discredit Lisa on the stand. Many people will identify with the frustrations of this true to life court scene, it is the very reason why many women fail to report rape. As for Nick I wanted to punch him in the face at the end lol x
Comment Written 15-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2012
-
What a wonderful compliment! Thank you so much for not only your wonderful review, but your real understanding of the issues here. Alexis x
Comment from rashi kumar
I felt as if I was witnessing the trial.
What a description, too good!
In India, girls rarely file a case against the rapist because these trials only make them face further pain and blames.
So unfair it is! And lawyers are all about competition.
Like robots, they don't feel.
You have written this in a style so professional that what to say!
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2012
|
I felt as if I was witnessing the trial.
What a description, too good!
In India, girls rarely file a case against the rapist because these trials only make them face further pain and blames.
So unfair it is! And lawyers are all about competition.
Like robots, they don't feel.
You have written this in a style so professional that what to say!
Comment Written 14-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2012
-
I have read about this, Rashi, so can appreciate your empathy with this. Sadly, it is often the case, having said that, if there were not so many silly women crying rape just for revenge in this country, then true victims would have a stronger case. There are no winners at the end of the day, especially when money is involved. Thank you so much for your wonderful review, it is really appreciated. Alexis x
Comment from Roberta Joan Jensen
•¿½After thirty minutes[,] Lisa had outlined the events that led up to her being raped by Nick at the party, and her subsequent kidnapping. She had been over
it so many times before in her mind[missing "that" so no comma] she was able to answer clearly and truthfully without breaking down. By the time Nick's barrister, Peter Halliday[,]
stood up to cross-examine her, she was wondering why she had felt so nervous.---
1. her crying would be normal and the jury might think it not normal if she didn't cry while describing the rape.
2. It would have taken way more than thirty minutes; more like a couple of hours. The prosecutor would have asked her all about how they met, why she went off with Alan instead of going to the island the first time, how they got back together, how they got engaged, and every detail of the party. She would not just "outline" it. She would go into every detail.
3. Her friends would be called to testify about piecing the letter back together, calling Nick, and everything they new about it.
4. what time do they break for lunch? Here it's precisely at noon, and they start again at 1:30. Therefore, the prosecutor would not start Lisa's testimony at 11:30 because he would not want to stop after only a few questions. So he would ask to have an early lunch because Lisa's testimony was crucial and she'd be on the stand for a while.
By the way, I meant to ask, what are the A-Levels? here, you don't go straight from high school into law school. After graduating high school, around 18, you go to four years of college to get a Bachelor's degree, and then go to law school.
Peter Halliday walked over to the desk and picked up a piece of paper[] while Lisa stared back at him with a worried frown.
"One of the men who helped me[dont separate the subject from its verb] gave me a false name and address," she stammered[] when she realised what Nick's barrister was trying to do.
He walked back to the desk again[] and picked up another piece of paper, a copy of which he again gave to the clerk.
"And this, Miss Collins, is yet another claim you made against the photographer[,] Liam Smith, whom my client appointed to find you when you ran off to Chelmsford.
"I didn't know then that Liam was the one to tamper with Alan's brakes. I just wanted to forget all about it..." -- If no charges were pressed about the attempted murder andmurder, this testimony would not be allowed.
Peter Halliday smiled at her sarcastically[] before turning back to the jury.
The judge looked at Nick's barrister over the top of his glasses[] and asked him to explain his line of questioning.
This chapter is well written in terms of your word choice and sentence structure. However, PM me about courtroom procedures.
Roberta
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2012
|
•¿½After thirty minutes[,] Lisa had outlined the events that led up to her being raped by Nick at the party, and her subsequent kidnapping. She had been over
it so many times before in her mind[missing "that" so no comma] she was able to answer clearly and truthfully without breaking down. By the time Nick's barrister, Peter Halliday[,]
stood up to cross-examine her, she was wondering why she had felt so nervous.---
1. her crying would be normal and the jury might think it not normal if she didn't cry while describing the rape.
2. It would have taken way more than thirty minutes; more like a couple of hours. The prosecutor would have asked her all about how they met, why she went off with Alan instead of going to the island the first time, how they got back together, how they got engaged, and every detail of the party. She would not just "outline" it. She would go into every detail.
3. Her friends would be called to testify about piecing the letter back together, calling Nick, and everything they new about it.
4. what time do they break for lunch? Here it's precisely at noon, and they start again at 1:30. Therefore, the prosecutor would not start Lisa's testimony at 11:30 because he would not want to stop after only a few questions. So he would ask to have an early lunch because Lisa's testimony was crucial and she'd be on the stand for a while.
By the way, I meant to ask, what are the A-Levels? here, you don't go straight from high school into law school. After graduating high school, around 18, you go to four years of college to get a Bachelor's degree, and then go to law school.
Peter Halliday walked over to the desk and picked up a piece of paper[] while Lisa stared back at him with a worried frown.
"One of the men who helped me[dont separate the subject from its verb] gave me a false name and address," she stammered[] when she realised what Nick's barrister was trying to do.
He walked back to the desk again[] and picked up another piece of paper, a copy of which he again gave to the clerk.
"And this, Miss Collins, is yet another claim you made against the photographer[,] Liam Smith, whom my client appointed to find you when you ran off to Chelmsford.
"I didn't know then that Liam was the one to tamper with Alan's brakes. I just wanted to forget all about it..." -- If no charges were pressed about the attempted murder andmurder, this testimony would not be allowed.
Peter Halliday smiled at her sarcastically[] before turning back to the jury.
The judge looked at Nick's barrister over the top of his glasses[] and asked him to explain his line of questioning.
This chapter is well written in terms of your word choice and sentence structure. However, PM me about courtroom procedures.
Roberta
Comment Written 14-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2012
-
Ouch! Thank goodness for you, Roberta! Your wonderfully constructive reviewing has been a Godsend, but now to have such great advice re the court scene from someone who knows what their talking about is especially appreciated. Alexis x
-
Alexis,you are truly gracious. After I sent it, I was worried sick you'd be mad at me.
First, is the court in Scotland or England?
Do you have any friends who are criminal lawyers?
In the States, we have something called a paralegal. It's someone who can prepare legal documents, do legal research, and if they work in a lawyer's office, they know the law and the procedures as well as the lawyer. they cannot practice in court but do a lot of the support work in the office. Do you have any friends who work in that capacity for a criminal lawyer?
If so, ask them if they'd read the book and help you figure out the court scene. You'll have to tell them what you want the outcome to be and see if they can help you figure it out.
Or, do you know anybody who knows anybody ...
If the answer is still no, let me know and we'll see what we can do.
Assumptions: You don't want Nick being charged with murder.
You don't want him being convicted of rape.
It might be as simple as bribing a juror or the judge.
I can't remember where all of Nick's money comes from but maybe there's a secret connection between Nick and the judge.
Anyway, answer all these questions and we'll see where to go.
Just remember, if you do consult with someone, it has to be someone who is familiar with rape trials, and they have to know all the details.
-
Lol, how could I be mad at you? You're the gracious one because I'm sure that this was probably an affront to your profession! Alexis x
-
How do I reduce it? Do people actually read reviews written by others? If I did that on top of reviewing, I'd never get anything else done.
-
Quite easy, you just go into reviews I've written, press all, then edit.
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
A really good description of the court case scene, Alexis.
while Lisa stared back at him
Peter Halliday smiled back at her sarcastically, before turning back to the jury.
Peter Halliday looked back at the jury as though he
drew in his breath before looking back at him.
She looked back at his supercilious face
He smiled back at her. RE ALL THE ABOVE - note how many times you've used looked "back" - the sentences would work just as well without...
your Honour[,] that the
alligations
allegations
by my client,which prove - space after comma
for assistance[.](,) or claim to - comma not period
Margaret
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2012
|
A really good description of the court case scene, Alexis.
while Lisa stared back at him
Peter Halliday smiled back at her sarcastically, before turning back to the jury.
Peter Halliday looked back at the jury as though he
drew in his breath before looking back at him.
She looked back at his supercilious face
He smiled back at her. RE ALL THE ABOVE - note how many times you've used looked "back" - the sentences would work just as well without...
your Honour[,] that the
alligations
allegations
by my client,which prove - space after comma
for assistance[.](,) or claim to - comma not period
Margaret
Comment Written 14-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2012
-
Thank you, Margaret. As Roberta has rightly pointed out, it still needs a lot of work, and I'm just grateful that her experience as a lawyer has alerted me. That's yet another of the wonderful things about this site, constructive criticism. Alexis x
Comment from rydere
Thanks, I enjoy reading it, because I wanted to know did the two guys tell her about she lost the baby? And that answer my question. However it was great to read!
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2012
|
Thanks, I enjoy reading it, because I wanted to know did the two guys tell her about she lost the baby? And that answer my question. However it was great to read!
Comment Written 14-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2012
-
I'm delighted that you enjoyed it and now know that you have read from the start. Thank you so much, I really appreciate it. Alexis x
-
welcome.
Comment from Patrick G Cox
Hi alexisleech,
Sadly all too many rape cases end with the victim being further victimised. Perhaps this is why so many refuse to lay a charge in the first place. Many juries are also reluctant to find the accused guilty because often the evidence is ambiguous and sometimes so fabricated on one or other side its impossible for them to decide.
Nicely put across in your story, but surely this evil man should now face charges of reckless and dangerous driving, car theft and attempted murder? Or am I out of sequence?
Patrick
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2012
|
Hi alexisleech,
Sadly all too many rape cases end with the victim being further victimised. Perhaps this is why so many refuse to lay a charge in the first place. Many juries are also reluctant to find the accused guilty because often the evidence is ambiguous and sometimes so fabricated on one or other side its impossible for them to decide.
Nicely put across in your story, but surely this evil man should now face charges of reckless and dangerous driving, car theft and attempted murder? Or am I out of sequence?
Patrick
Comment Written 14-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2012
-
No, you're not, Patrick. This is exactly the kind of point that you need to hear from reviewers because you get so wrapped up in the plot when you're writing, obvious things pass you by. I thought this chapter was great until one of our esteemed writers and reviewers, who just happened to be a lawyer, managed to pick dozens of holes in it. Yet another advantage of being on this site! Nobody said it would be easy, but it's a lot easier when you have great people keeping you straight. Thank you. Alexis x
Comment from axelbeariter
This, without a doubt, is one of your most professional chapters. Your court scene was portrayed so superbly that it reminded me of my own experience on jury duty. Although the majority of us KNEW the three defendants were guilty, we had to let them walk because of a technicality of the law. Disgusting as yours and my experience was, money always works against the innocent. Great job.
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2012
|
This, without a doubt, is one of your most professional chapters. Your court scene was portrayed so superbly that it reminded me of my own experience on jury duty. Although the majority of us KNEW the three defendants were guilty, we had to let them walk because of a technicality of the law. Disgusting as yours and my experience was, money always works against the innocent. Great job.
Comment Written 13-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2012
-
I take that as a true compliment, although now know that the scene needs a lot of sorting out before the legal eagles rip it to shreds. Only four chapters to go and I'm almost disappointed. (Think I'm getting addicted to the labour pains (!) Alexis x
-
Yeah, it's tough creating a digital baby unless you gestate it with key love. Oh god, did I get Phillip Sophical?
-
Lol, yes I think you just did! Oh dear, there I go again. Just can't help myself. Alexis x
Comment from LisaSilva
It's so true! The lawyers are all about winning, not caring about the truth. People's lives are torn apart and they walk away thinking they did what they were supposed to do by twisting the evidence and making things look the way they want them to, no matter who it hurts. It's a sad fact of our greedy world today.
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2012
|
It's so true! The lawyers are all about winning, not caring about the truth. People's lives are torn apart and they walk away thinking they did what they were supposed to do by twisting the evidence and making things look the way they want them to, no matter who it hurts. It's a sad fact of our greedy world today.
Comment Written 13-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2012
-
I've heard from so many people since posting this chapter both through reviewers and pm's saying exactly the same thing. It all seems to be down to money at the end of the day and unscrupulous lawyers seem to be at the top of the list on that one! Alexis x
Comment from Malerie
Just as I suspected; but I'm sure this is not over. Mr. Nick will get this do justice. Poor Lisa, yet again she is not mature to stand up for herself. Hopefully, she will run to Richard, not Alan for comfort. Yet another good chapter, keep writing, I'm still reading wondering where this will end. Where are Lisa's parents in all of this? Hopefully mom is getting some help.
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2012
|
Just as I suspected; but I'm sure this is not over. Mr. Nick will get this do justice. Poor Lisa, yet again she is not mature to stand up for herself. Hopefully, she will run to Richard, not Alan for comfort. Yet another good chapter, keep writing, I'm still reading wondering where this will end. Where are Lisa's parents in all of this? Hopefully mom is getting some help.
Comment Written 13-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2012
-
Far from over, as the next few chapters will hopefully prove. Her parents? Where they always were, hiding behind their mistakes and, apart from Lisa's father (To a smaller extent than he should!)sadly thinking of themselves much more than they should. Thank you so much for following and reviewing, I really appreciate it. Alexis x
Comment from RUMLOVE1000
Yes Yes Yes "The Red Dress" chapters!
I love your writing and every time that I see a continuation I just smile because this will do well with the public I think. The flow was really well and of course it was really easy to understand and follow without the use of a dictionary :)
Thank you soo much for these chapters and for your characters Lisa and Alan of whom you have really brought to life!
Blessings,
Rumlove1000
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2012
|
Yes Yes Yes "The Red Dress" chapters!
I love your writing and every time that I see a continuation I just smile because this will do well with the public I think. The flow was really well and of course it was really easy to understand and follow without the use of a dictionary :)
Thank you soo much for these chapters and for your characters Lisa and Alan of whom you have really brought to life!
Blessings,
Rumlove1000
Comment Written 13-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2012
-
Thank you so much for your wonderful review, it really brought a smile to my face. Yes, they have become quite real to me as well, which is a bit spooky! I've become quite reclusive in the last few weeks when I've been pumping out the chapters, and I go to bed every night thinking about them - how sad is that! Alexis x