The Red Dress
Viewing comments for Chapter 41 "The Red Dress chapter forty one"The story of a teenage girl
15 total reviews
Comment from Eldercrone
This chapter is nicely paced and, on the whole, very well written. In particular, I was impressed with Lisa's escape from the hotel and her plane trip. Her spending fifteen minutes in the restroom was a nice touch. Also noteworthy is your sentence where Lisa thinks "ruefully that it was the first time she ever got he timing right." I recognized that feeling, and, no doubt many of your readers will identify with it. Suggestions: The sentence, "As they drove to ...." really needs revision; the mixed up verb tense broke my focus on the story. Think about something like, "...Richard, sensing her exhaustion, suggested she close her eyes." Also, the slightly awkward construction of your final sentence seems to undercut your cliff-hanging conclusion. Think about making two shorter sentences to increase the punch and have your reader's jaw dropping right along with Richard's. Overall, a nice job.
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reply by the author on 12-Feb-2012
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This chapter is nicely paced and, on the whole, very well written. In particular, I was impressed with Lisa's escape from the hotel and her plane trip. Her spending fifteen minutes in the restroom was a nice touch. Also noteworthy is your sentence where Lisa thinks "ruefully that it was the first time she ever got he timing right." I recognized that feeling, and, no doubt many of your readers will identify with it. Suggestions: The sentence, "As they drove to ...." really needs revision; the mixed up verb tense broke my focus on the story. Think about something like, "...Richard, sensing her exhaustion, suggested she close her eyes." Also, the slightly awkward construction of your final sentence seems to undercut your cliff-hanging conclusion. Think about making two shorter sentences to increase the punch and have your reader's jaw dropping right along with Richard's. Overall, a nice job.
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Comment Written 11-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2012
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Thank you.
Comment from axelbeariter
When she'd arrived at the airport, she'd checked in and hidden in the ladies toilets for fifteen minutes until her flight was called./Re-write hidden as hid in----Right up to the moment of take off,/take off should read takeoff----He absentmindedly made his way back to the forecourt where he had left his car, and when he got there, he stood, the sandwiches in his hand, his jaw hanging open./This has got to be one of the greatest hooks I've ever read.----I can't remember ever waiting expectantly to read the next chapter of any book that I've ever started more than this one.
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2012
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When she'd arrived at the airport, she'd checked in and hidden in the ladies toilets for fifteen minutes until her flight was called./Re-write hidden as hid in----Right up to the moment of take off,/take off should read takeoff----He absentmindedly made his way back to the forecourt where he had left his car, and when he got there, he stood, the sandwiches in his hand, his jaw hanging open./This has got to be one of the greatest hooks I've ever read.----I can't remember ever waiting expectantly to read the next chapter of any book that I've ever started more than this one.
Comment Written 11-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2012
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Thank you so much, Axel. You know how much I enjoy your reviews. Alexis x
Comment from AlexAX
Aaaaaaah you leave it there? I was so caught up in this and now I have to wait. I think my nails are in for a hell of a time lol A great chapter, pace was good, Richard seems to be pretty decent at the moment. But I know now that things can turn so quickly when you're writing ;) I don't think she will tell Alan, not for a while anyway. Gripped as ever! Alex :)
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2012
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Aaaaaaah you leave it there? I was so caught up in this and now I have to wait. I think my nails are in for a hell of a time lol A great chapter, pace was good, Richard seems to be pretty decent at the moment. But I know now that things can turn so quickly when you're writing ;) I don't think she will tell Alan, not for a while anyway. Gripped as ever! Alex :)
Comment Written 11-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2012
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Okay, you should know me by now! Hopefully if you are reading this you will know that I stayed up all night (slight exaggeration!)just so I could post another two chapters today. Thank you so much for your review. Alexis x
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Yes, you keep everybody on their toes! lol Thank you, thank you, thank you, for doing that :) No exaggeration of gratefulness! Alex :)
Comment from Maureen's Pen
Oh for Petes sake woman your killing me!
Cliff hangers.....dammit...now I know why they are called that....you just want to drive off the bleedin cliff....
Now I have to wait again, this is just so not fair.
This was another compelling chapter, the reader racing as fast as Lisa is in this chapter. Brilliant work as ever and always....though I should hold back.....since I have to wait ......oh alright....exceptional.
Didn't see any obvious spags but the darn chapter just hit me over the head so spags be damned if they are there.
Fabulous....get busy I'm on the edge of my seat....
Love
Maureen
wc
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2012
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Oh for Petes sake woman your killing me!
Cliff hangers.....dammit...now I know why they are called that....you just want to drive off the bleedin cliff....
Now I have to wait again, this is just so not fair.
This was another compelling chapter, the reader racing as fast as Lisa is in this chapter. Brilliant work as ever and always....though I should hold back.....since I have to wait ......oh alright....exceptional.
Didn't see any obvious spags but the darn chapter just hit me over the head so spags be damned if they are there.
Fabulous....get busy I'm on the edge of my seat....
Love
Maureen
wc
Comment Written 11-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2012
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Okay, I promise to edit and have at least one more chapter ready to roll by latter tomorrow. My God woman, you are one hard task master, I'm absolutely knackered! Still love you though... Thank you wc, my day wouldn't be the same without your review. Alexis xxx
Comment from MumEsGirl
Oh boy is this girl ever out of trouble. Good fast chapter, with a strong twist at the end.
I am itching to know what Alan will make of this, that is if he is told about it.
Roll on next chapter
kate
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reply by the author on 11-Feb-2012
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Oh boy is this girl ever out of trouble. Good fast chapter, with a strong twist at the end.
I am itching to know what Alan will make of this, that is if he is told about it.
Roll on next chapter
kate
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Comment Written 11-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2012
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He finds out very soon, but I'm afraid it doesn't go exactly how a reader might like...sorry. Thank you so much for your great review. Alexis x