The Red Dress
Viewing comments for Chapter 40 "The Red Dress chapter forty."The story of a teenage girl
14 total reviews
Comment from LilHippie
Wow! I have to read all of this book! The entire chapter was exciting and powerful. I am hating Nick!!!! You write so well, it is easy to read quickly and want more, more, more! The characters are so believable and Lisa has found out so much info in that safe!!!! I love the way you write! You make it seem easy. Now I understand advice I received from another writer regarding reviewers who give five stars too easily. If five stars is the max I can give you, I have given five stars to others in error, for sure. Have to get better at that. You are phenomenal!
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2012
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Wow! I have to read all of this book! The entire chapter was exciting and powerful. I am hating Nick!!!! You write so well, it is easy to read quickly and want more, more, more! The characters are so believable and Lisa has found out so much info in that safe!!!! I love the way you write! You make it seem easy. Now I understand advice I received from another writer regarding reviewers who give five stars too easily. If five stars is the max I can give you, I have given five stars to others in error, for sure. Have to get better at that. You are phenomenal!
Comment Written 10-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2012
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I'm almost reluctant to answer your wonderful review because I have had such pleasure reading it every time I check my review page! I see you have joined recently and would like to extend the hand of friendship from this wonderful site. I only joined 3 months ago myself, but the dedicated reviewers can't do anything but help you improve your work. Thank you so much. Alexis x
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Your welcome Alexis, I really loved it. Enjoying weekend with my niece, nephew and brother, will see my daughter and granddaughter (15 months old!) tomorrow, so tomorrow night belongs to your book!!!!!!!
Comment from Roberta Joan Jensen
she could talk him into going to his bed[.]
hoping that he was drunk enough to fall [a]sleep.
When she passed through the village[,] she started to panic because the streetlights finished at the end of the street, and the road ahead looked dark and
threatening. She remembered back to the year before when she had tried to get to her brother's flat in Glasgow[when you join two complete sentences together with fanboys (for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so), use a comma before the fanboys. When what follows the fanboys is not a complete sentence, as here, use no comma.] and had nearly got raped
Donald Collins could hear how scared she was[] and promised to phone back as soon as he could. --- Is this his name, for sure now? (LOL)
pictures had been taken[,] she would have assumed, from the pictures, that he had died on the night that she went to London to meet her mother.
Even []though Lisa didn't know about Alan's accident, it was obvious that whoever had taken the pictures in the envelope knew in advance that the accident
was going to happen. The fact that she had found the pictures in Nick's safe[] confirmed he was behind it all. He had tried to have Alan killed after she
left Chelmsford. All the time she had been ringing Alan's mobile, believing he had chosen to stay with Carla[,] he had lain in a coma. The whole thing was
too much to bear, and she felt bitter, angry hatred enter her heart at the thought of how Nick had shattered both their lives[.] --- This is a complete sentence that does not seem to trail off, so no ellipsis.
Her father wasn't happy[] and wanted her to come back home immediately, but she told him she couldn't.
"Charlie, can you make sure that it comes to the side door[,] please?"
I see you're still paragraphing in that bizarre fashion. You cannot use tabs when you format your book for conversion to an eBook, so it's best not to use them in the first place. You will have to remove all of them. Blank lines between paragraphs and no indentations; leave it on the margin.
Roberta
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2012
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she could talk him into going to his bed[.]
hoping that he was drunk enough to fall [a]sleep.
When she passed through the village[,] she started to panic because the streetlights finished at the end of the street, and the road ahead looked dark and
threatening. She remembered back to the year before when she had tried to get to her brother's flat in Glasgow[when you join two complete sentences together with fanboys (for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so), use a comma before the fanboys. When what follows the fanboys is not a complete sentence, as here, use no comma.] and had nearly got raped
Donald Collins could hear how scared she was[] and promised to phone back as soon as he could. --- Is this his name, for sure now? (LOL)
pictures had been taken[,] she would have assumed, from the pictures, that he had died on the night that she went to London to meet her mother.
Even []though Lisa didn't know about Alan's accident, it was obvious that whoever had taken the pictures in the envelope knew in advance that the accident
was going to happen. The fact that she had found the pictures in Nick's safe[] confirmed he was behind it all. He had tried to have Alan killed after she
left Chelmsford. All the time she had been ringing Alan's mobile, believing he had chosen to stay with Carla[,] he had lain in a coma. The whole thing was
too much to bear, and she felt bitter, angry hatred enter her heart at the thought of how Nick had shattered both their lives[.] --- This is a complete sentence that does not seem to trail off, so no ellipsis.
Her father wasn't happy[] and wanted her to come back home immediately, but she told him she couldn't.
"Charlie, can you make sure that it comes to the side door[,] please?"
I see you're still paragraphing in that bizarre fashion. You cannot use tabs when you format your book for conversion to an eBook, so it's best not to use them in the first place. You will have to remove all of them. Blank lines between paragraphs and no indentations; leave it on the margin.
Roberta
Comment Written 10-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2012
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My sincere thanks again, Roberta. I'm not quite sure what to do with the paragraphing yet because the Scottish publisher I've had a meeting with, has asked for it double spaced with indentations for dialogue and paragraphs, so I don't want to have to redo it all. Help! Thank you so much for another incredibly helpful review. Alexis x
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I thought you meant someone on FS advised you about the paragraphing. Does the publisher mean indent all paragraphs? That makes sense, but not indenting some and not others. If it's someone who's going to publish your book, then by all means, do what he wants. Good luck.
Comment from AlexAX
I was so gripped to this chapter. When you wrote about the envelope and then left it alone, I was thinking did she read it, did she take it? You sure have a way of making your readers wait and build up suspense lol Well done! I knew it, I knew Nick would be behind Alan's accident. What is Lisa going to do now, I think she feels even worse for not believing in Alan. Looking forward to the next chapter :) I saw a few things .. Even although(though) Lisa didn't know about Alan's accident.. angry hatred enter(ed) her heart at the thought of how Nick.. he could book her (the) connecting flight to Glasgow at 10.50. Alex :)
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reply by the author on 11-Feb-2012
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I was so gripped to this chapter. When you wrote about the envelope and then left it alone, I was thinking did she read it, did she take it? You sure have a way of making your readers wait and build up suspense lol Well done! I knew it, I knew Nick would be behind Alan's accident. What is Lisa going to do now, I think she feels even worse for not believing in Alan. Looking forward to the next chapter :) I saw a few things .. Even although(though) Lisa didn't know about Alan's accident.. angry hatred enter(ed) her heart at the thought of how Nick.. he could book her (the) connecting flight to Glasgow at 10.50. Alex :)
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Comment Written 10-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2012
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Thank you so much for picking those up right away. I always think that the first couple of reviews are the most important (unless theyre from newbys suffering from an insecurity complex!)The problem with Alan is that he's kind of burnt his bridges with his embittered little speech, so is rather persona non gratis at the moment. Now, Richard? that's a different story altogether....
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Haha now I know why you mentioned Richard lol You're welcome :)
Comment from debskatz
Hey alexis,
Oh, My, God. That son-of-a-bitch had Alan's car tampered with. That's not love he feels for Lisa, it's obsesive control.
Well, looks like it's going to be an interesting chapter coming up!
Oh, no spag!! You're getting the hang of it!!
Hurry up & post the next chapter!
smiles,
deb
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reply by the author on 10-Feb-2012
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Hey alexis,
Oh, My, God. That son-of-a-bitch had Alan's car tampered with. That's not love he feels for Lisa, it's obsesive control.
Well, looks like it's going to be an interesting chapter coming up!
Oh, no spag!! You're getting the hang of it!!
Hurry up & post the next chapter!
smiles,
deb
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 10-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2012
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I don't believe it! Hope to post tomorrow, and then hopefully two on Sunday. Really enjoying your reviews my friend, thank you. Alexis x