The Red Dress
Viewing comments for Chapter 38 "The Red Dress chapter thirty eight."The story of a teenage girl
24 total reviews
Comment from Veronica Grace
I'm watching this girl fall apart before my eyes. I wonder how her birthday will end. A very well written chapter filled with romance and anticipation.
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2012
  |
I'm watching this girl fall apart before my eyes. I wonder how her birthday will end. A very well written chapter filled with romance and anticipation.
Comment Written 10-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2012
-
Thank you so much for your review, I really appreciate it. Alexis x
Comment from JW
This is an interesting chapter, and it does a great job of moving your story along.
In reading the below, I had to smile.
When he at last stopped kissing her, the relief showing clearly in his eyes,...
Was the kissing so bad he was relieved it was over? The way this is written, it could be interpreted that way.
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2012
|
This is an interesting chapter, and it does a great job of moving your story along.
In reading the below, I had to smile.
When he at last stopped kissing her, the relief showing clearly in his eyes,...
Was the kissing so bad he was relieved it was over? The way this is written, it could be interpreted that way.
Comment Written 10-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2012
-
Lol! Brilliant. I keep giggling over this. Perhaps she had garlic the night before. What you do remind me, joking apart, as a writer you work on the premise that someone has been reading your book chapter by chapter, so you point is very valid. Thank you so much for your fun review. Alexis x
Comment from Malerie
Ah, what's going on? Will there be surprises in store for Lisa on her 18th birthday. I fear that Lisa is in for a rude awakening and I am a little suspicious of Nick's actions. I am happy to see that Lisa's dad has finally decided to be the real man of the house and put her mother in check. Can't wait to see what's next; keep writing, I'm still reading.
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2012
|
Ah, what's going on? Will there be surprises in store for Lisa on her 18th birthday. I fear that Lisa is in for a rude awakening and I am a little suspicious of Nick's actions. I am happy to see that Lisa's dad has finally decided to be the real man of the house and put her mother in check. Can't wait to see what's next; keep writing, I'm still reading.
Comment Written 10-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2012
-
Gosh, I can't keep up! Thank you so much. I bet you're feeling rather pleased with your prophesies! Alexis x
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, alexis, you did a great job writing this chapter where lisa goes to nick's house and she lets him make love to her, but her heart really isn't into it and her mother has a drunken scene at the hotel and then lisa dresses for the party nick is throwing for her.
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2012
|
this is very well written, alexis, you did a great job writing this chapter where lisa goes to nick's house and she lets him make love to her, but her heart really isn't into it and her mother has a drunken scene at the hotel and then lisa dresses for the party nick is throwing for her.
Comment Written 10-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2012
-
I suppose you either have the chemistry, or you don't. No amount of money can change that! Alexis x
Comment from Roberta Joan Jensen
It all felt so strange being treated as though she
was[were] somebody special.
Lisa was more determined than ever to not only get there, but to do everything in her power to feel as much for Nick[] as she
He had brought his Mercedes convertible[] because[,] this time, he wanted to show Lisa exactly what kind of lifestyle she was marrying into.
drove through the electric gates and up the long sweeping driveway[,] she was bowled over by the beauty of the gardens surrounding the stunning white, Art --- A semicolon is never used in this way. It is used to connect two sentences that are closely connected in context and not joined by fanboys (for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so). It is also occasionally used as a supercomma when you have a list of three clauses that include multiple commas.
He had done everything to show her
how much he loved her[ - ]as much as Alan had proved that he didn't.
Her mother looked as though she'd already had something to drink on the boat[] because she was slurring her words and draping herself on the barstool while
That afternoon, when Nick had made love to her, she had felt as though she was playing a part. --- Here's another place where you're telling instead of showing. Why did you skip over the love scene to tell us about it later. this is, perhaps, one of the most crucial scenes in the book. Sexual compatibility is one of the best indicatorsfor marital happiness and just blewit off. It's obvious he doesn't turn her on, and we should participate in that scene.
"You have [a] good night's sleep - you'll need it.
the only way she had managed to respond to Nick in any way[] was to shut her eyes and pretend
it was Alan who was making love to her. She just hoped that eventually she would be able to banish him from her mind completely[] and stop seeing him every
time she closed her eyes...
Since the incident in Chelmsford[,] he'd realised that Fiona didn't necessarily have Lisa's
She looked about the room and found all of the clothes Nick had bought for her in London[] neatly folded in
the drawers, or hanging up in the wardrobe.
It was a lovely room with deep red walls --- Did you ever read "Jane Ayre?" At the beginning of the book, Jane is locked in a red room for punishment. the idea of a red room has always given me the creeps since.
Roberta
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2012
|
It all felt so strange being treated as though she
was[were] somebody special.
Lisa was more determined than ever to not only get there, but to do everything in her power to feel as much for Nick[] as she
He had brought his Mercedes convertible[] because[,] this time, he wanted to show Lisa exactly what kind of lifestyle she was marrying into.
drove through the electric gates and up the long sweeping driveway[,] she was bowled over by the beauty of the gardens surrounding the stunning white, Art --- A semicolon is never used in this way. It is used to connect two sentences that are closely connected in context and not joined by fanboys (for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so). It is also occasionally used as a supercomma when you have a list of three clauses that include multiple commas.
He had done everything to show her
how much he loved her[ - ]as much as Alan had proved that he didn't.
Her mother looked as though she'd already had something to drink on the boat[] because she was slurring her words and draping herself on the barstool while
That afternoon, when Nick had made love to her, she had felt as though she was playing a part. --- Here's another place where you're telling instead of showing. Why did you skip over the love scene to tell us about it later. this is, perhaps, one of the most crucial scenes in the book. Sexual compatibility is one of the best indicatorsfor marital happiness and just blewit off. It's obvious he doesn't turn her on, and we should participate in that scene.
"You have [a] good night's sleep - you'll need it.
the only way she had managed to respond to Nick in any way[] was to shut her eyes and pretend
it was Alan who was making love to her. She just hoped that eventually she would be able to banish him from her mind completely[] and stop seeing him every
time she closed her eyes...
Since the incident in Chelmsford[,] he'd realised that Fiona didn't necessarily have Lisa's
She looked about the room and found all of the clothes Nick had bought for her in London[] neatly folded in
the drawers, or hanging up in the wardrobe.
It was a lovely room with deep red walls --- Did you ever read "Jane Ayre?" At the beginning of the book, Jane is locked in a red room for punishment. the idea of a red room has always given me the creeps since.
Roberta
Comment Written 09-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2012
-
I can imagine. I must admit , as an interior designer I use red quite a lot, but mostly in traditional interiors in one of the Heritage paint colours.(cross between red and raspberry) It's a long time since I read Jane Eyre, so must admit I cant remember the red room. Maybe it's just as well, because it might have ruined my career! Thank you so much. Alexis x
Comment from LisaSilva
That's just what happens to love gone sour. It turns from golden sunlight into dark and bitter anger. I hope Lisa can keep that light inside her that Alan loved. Reading on...:)
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2012
|
That's just what happens to love gone sour. It turns from golden sunlight into dark and bitter anger. I hope Lisa can keep that light inside her that Alan loved. Reading on...:)
Comment Written 09-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2012
-
Doesn't it just. I love that contrast, do yo mind if I use it somewhere? Alexis x
Comment from MumEsGirl
Now I see what you meant about having plans for Lisa's parents. Nice twist.
I am still trying to figure out why Lisa is acting the virgin with Nick, coul dit be that she doesnt want him to know that she isnt?
Having read the next chapter already, I get the feeling he didnt notice lol
kate
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2012
|
Now I see what you meant about having plans for Lisa's parents. Nice twist.
I am still trying to figure out why Lisa is acting the virgin with Nick, coul dit be that she doesnt want him to know that she isnt?
Having read the next chapter already, I get the feeling he didnt notice lol
kate
Comment Written 09-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2012
-
Lol, your probably right! I think you could be right. Nick was obsessed with Lisa's virginity when he met her, so by pretending she still was in effect cancelled out her two weeks with Nick and gave her a fresh start. Thank you my friend for another insightful review. Alexis x
-
I did of course mean two weeks with Alan. God, even I'm managing to confuse myself!
Comment from rwilliam
"Mr Corday told me to put your clothes in here, Miss Collins. He said you would be staying for a few days, and you've to tell me if he's forgotten anything. Is there anything else I can get you just now?"--
Personal note: Mr. Corday 'asked' me to put your clothes in here, Miss Collins.He said you would be staying for a few days, and 'you're' to tell me if he's forgotten anything. Is there anything else I can get you?.. It makes her sound more professional. Could be way off so you decide,it's your story.LOL
Lisa opened the small leather box and found the matching earrings to the sapphire and diamond necklace nestling in the royal blue silk.--... 'nestled' in the royal blue silk.
Another wonderful twist at the end... LOVE IT! Great chapter!!
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2012
|
"Mr Corday told me to put your clothes in here, Miss Collins. He said you would be staying for a few days, and you've to tell me if he's forgotten anything. Is there anything else I can get you just now?"--
Personal note: Mr. Corday 'asked' me to put your clothes in here, Miss Collins.He said you would be staying for a few days, and 'you're' to tell me if he's forgotten anything. Is there anything else I can get you?.. It makes her sound more professional. Could be way off so you decide,it's your story.LOL
Lisa opened the small leather box and found the matching earrings to the sapphire and diamond necklace nestling in the royal blue silk.--... 'nestled' in the royal blue silk.
Another wonderful twist at the end... LOVE IT! Great chapter!!
Comment Written 09-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2012
-
Great suggestions, all used. Thank you so much my friend, I just love getting your reviews. Alexis x
-
I"m glad. :-D
Comment from Maureen's Pen
Still captivating, and full of rich imagery. There is an inner power within your book that just screams success. Your chapters only get better and better.
This was a fabulous read. So much so I wished I was at that party, dressed and treated like a princess.
Exceptional work as always a pleasure to read.
Thanks for sharing my friend. I loved it from the first word. Your writing style is easy to read and fall into the story itself.
Maureen
xxo
Edit suggestion:
"more determined than ever to not only get there, but to do everything in her power to feel as much for Nick, as she had for (him.)" // I would change 'him' to 'Alan' so as to be clearer for the reader in this sentence.
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2012
|
Still captivating, and full of rich imagery. There is an inner power within your book that just screams success. Your chapters only get better and better.
This was a fabulous read. So much so I wished I was at that party, dressed and treated like a princess.
Exceptional work as always a pleasure to read.
Thanks for sharing my friend. I loved it from the first word. Your writing style is easy to read and fall into the story itself.
Maureen
xxo
Edit suggestion:
"more determined than ever to not only get there, but to do everything in her power to feel as much for Nick, as she had for (him.)" // I would change 'him' to 'Alan' so as to be clearer for the reader in this sentence.
Comment Written 09-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2012
-
Spot on, Maureen. As usual, you managed to pick up on something I wasn't so sure about myself. I think you'll be glad you weren't at the party yourself after you read the next chapter! Boy, was that a disaster (from Lisa's point of view) Take care my friend, BSC xxx
Comment from RUMLOVE1000
Awe-inspiring work!
This happens to be hands down the best writing that I have come across on this site so far. The suspense that it creates traps the viewer forever and the tranquility of the story flows significantly yielding.
At first glance I imagined the story as being one in which Nick would just have been another wealthy man being taken on a joy ride by a beautiful woman for all of his worth, but contrary to that I couldn't have been more wrong.
The character introduction was also very subtle and warm welcoming. Fiona's drunken role particularly created a disturbance which keeps the viewer intrigued with other facets of the story and how they would affect Lisa's choices. Nick seemed to love her very much, but because Lisa couldn't keep Alan and her past out of her thoughts it's a toss to know what the future holds.
I was yearning to scroll down for more, when suddenly I realized that the story had ended. :(
I am inspired, I loved this with a passion. You are definitely a professional writer. I don't have a 6 star rating to give, but please remind me in the future as I definitely should not forget, but I will change my rating as soon as it's available. Sorry, but as for now I will have to give you all that I can possibly offer :)
I would like to extend my friendship to you by offering you to be placed on my fan list as well as me on yours if you may oblige?
Blessings,
Rumlove1000
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2012
|
Awe-inspiring work!
This happens to be hands down the best writing that I have come across on this site so far. The suspense that it creates traps the viewer forever and the tranquility of the story flows significantly yielding.
At first glance I imagined the story as being one in which Nick would just have been another wealthy man being taken on a joy ride by a beautiful woman for all of his worth, but contrary to that I couldn't have been more wrong.
The character introduction was also very subtle and warm welcoming. Fiona's drunken role particularly created a disturbance which keeps the viewer intrigued with other facets of the story and how they would affect Lisa's choices. Nick seemed to love her very much, but because Lisa couldn't keep Alan and her past out of her thoughts it's a toss to know what the future holds.
I was yearning to scroll down for more, when suddenly I realized that the story had ended. :(
I am inspired, I loved this with a passion. You are definitely a professional writer. I don't have a 6 star rating to give, but please remind me in the future as I definitely should not forget, but I will change my rating as soon as it's available. Sorry, but as for now I will have to give you all that I can possibly offer :)
I would like to extend my friendship to you by offering you to be placed on my fan list as well as me on yours if you may oblige?
Blessings,
Rumlove1000
Comment Written 09-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2012
-
I am absolutely stunned by your review, and really, really grateful. I only joined Fan Story three months ago as a rank amateur, who had been writing for my own pleasure for years. A review like yours makes me feel so proud, and is a testament to the dedicated reviewers who have helped me so much. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Alexis x