Comment from Maureen's Pen

Excellent

Good chapter filling in the scene around the school and the new girls. Not as exciting as other ones, but I think the separation of Lisa with not able to contact Allan is showcased really well.

Overall well done on a chapter that flowed well, and pulled the reader alone with the story.

Across the pond they won't know what the term "shag" is so relating it to fuck may help in author notes.

Thanks for sharing.
Maureen

Now I am dying for Lise to learn about Alan....get going I'm suffering terribly at this end...:)



Edit check:

"Oh they don't seem to mind on the first night, but God (elp) you if you're caught after that, that's why most of us get slaughtered tonight-- Merde! You should see (som) of the (facees) at the first assembly." // help ...some..faces ..are some of these for language slang, its not coming off well for me....?

" "Lisa's kicked her boyfriend into touch, but he's still writing to her, isn't he, Lisa?""// I'm not sure they will understand this sentence with your "touch"word use?



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 Comment Written 01-Feb-2012

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reply by the author on 01-Feb-2012

Lol....so much for my attempt to write Veronique's lines with a French accent! Don't worry, I've just reverted back to the normal spelling and taken away the explanation in the authors notes. Serves me right for getting smart! will try to think of a universal word for shag. Don't think I can use the f word....they are in a convent you know wc! I'll try 'dumped instead of kicked. What do you think? BSC xxx

reply by Maureen's Pen on 01-Feb-2012

LOL
Ok, it was the "in touch" part of that line I worried about, the kicked or punched is fine.

Shag, yes I suppose, I was being a smary pants....I would leave shag in but put it in author notes as something like quickie, or something to explain for reviewers on FS this side of the pond......if the publishers want it changed then see what they say.

Yes, yes normal spellings please, you made my eyes fall out and I am still truing to find them ...

Hope all that helps
WC,
xxoo

Comment from MumEsGirl

Excellent

Nice introduction to the school and other pupils here. Still I wish Lisa would open that letter. It might give her a good reason to jump ship again.

Well written with a lively undertone.

best wishes

kate

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 Comment Written 01-Feb-2012

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reply by the author on 02-Feb-2012

That letter is going to cause a lot of confusion! Thank you so much for your encouraging review, I really appreciate it. Alexis x