The Red Dress
Viewing comments for Chapter 19 " The Red Dress chapter nineteen"The story of a teenage girl
16 total reviews
Comment from Maureen's Pen
Great work here. I loved the whole chapter. Your penmanship has a way of pulling the reader in.
Scott's character as big brother is spot on. Sad at times as Lisa and Alan try to understand not only their relationship but their future....
Overall brilliant chapter to read. Imagery and flow is perfectly balanced. I just can't get enough of your writing, and this one had no juicy parts so it had to be the authors writing style.
Well done and thanks for sharing. I was a very happy WC didn't need any bloody cold showers...
Your the best.....
Maureen
xxo
Edit checks:
"marry some bloke she hardly knew," (Alan he) retorted more loudly than he meant to." // Alan or he, not both.
" "I'm sorry to have to tell you this, mate, but you haven't got a hope in hell. Lisa hasn't a clue what she wants - she's made that quite obvious. Anyway, if you did love her, you (wouldn't) be ruining her life by keeping her here." // Should this be "would" ???
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2012
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Great work here. I loved the whole chapter. Your penmanship has a way of pulling the reader in.
Scott's character as big brother is spot on. Sad at times as Lisa and Alan try to understand not only their relationship but their future....
Overall brilliant chapter to read. Imagery and flow is perfectly balanced. I just can't get enough of your writing, and this one had no juicy parts so it had to be the authors writing style.
Well done and thanks for sharing. I was a very happy WC didn't need any bloody cold showers...
Your the best.....
Maureen
xxo
Edit checks:
"marry some bloke she hardly knew," (Alan he) retorted more loudly than he meant to." // Alan or he, not both.
" "I'm sorry to have to tell you this, mate, but you haven't got a hope in hell. Lisa hasn't a clue what she wants - she's made that quite obvious. Anyway, if you did love her, you (wouldn't) be ruining her life by keeping her here." // Should this be "would" ???
Comment Written 27-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2012
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Bugger obviously just couldn't make up his mind as to whether he was an Alan, or a he.... whoops that's my job, isn't it? DARN! Thank God I'm away for a couple of days next week, my poor old eyes so need a rest! Lots of love BC xxx
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LOL.....probably with all that sex he got confused....:) I am now as we speak the shape of an ice cube....cold showers were too many....yup frozen in desperation....keep writing ...Love it...my eyes are killing me too....but not as badly as ....
WC
xo
Comment from axelbeariter
"No, Lisa, we wouldn't do that, but I tell you what, I'd have given him mine, if he'd asked!"/Great retort, except for the !----"Hi, Scott, it's Lisa - where are you?'/A single quotation mark-fix---- 'Hey--- don't shoot the messenger/Fix the boo boo----Scott wasn't giving up that easily He had come a long way to talk to her./Put a period after easily----brother didn't know about their relationship../Delete one period----"What I'm trying to say, Sis,'/Fix this----" Bye Sis - be good..."/Close the space before Bye----She was right. Her brother's suggestion was not an option they could possibly consider.../Nice way to hook the reader.
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2012
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"No, Lisa, we wouldn't do that, but I tell you what, I'd have given him mine, if he'd asked!"/Great retort, except for the !----"Hi, Scott, it's Lisa - where are you?'/A single quotation mark-fix---- 'Hey--- don't shoot the messenger/Fix the boo boo----Scott wasn't giving up that easily He had come a long way to talk to her./Put a period after easily----brother didn't know about their relationship../Delete one period----"What I'm trying to say, Sis,'/Fix this----" Bye Sis - be good..."/Close the space before Bye----She was right. Her brother's suggestion was not an option they could possibly consider.../Nice way to hook the reader.
Comment Written 27-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2012
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Okay, I got rid of that one(!) Believe it or not, having read your notes, I cut the exclamation marks down from 16 or 17 to 6 (now five) I promise I am getting betterĀ£$%^%$* Lost my glasses this week (no, honestly it's not an excuse) so really appreciate the eagle eye regarding the single quotation marks I hadn't changed. (very tedious job) I just wish I had used them when I originally wrote the book. My thanks for your patience and perseverance. Alexis x
Comment from Janice Canerdy
I couldn't stop reading. Your plot is well-paced and your characters convincing. Young Lisa really is facing a challenging situation, one that would be daunting to one much older. Good job
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2012
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I couldn't stop reading. Your plot is well-paced and your characters convincing. Young Lisa really is facing a challenging situation, one that would be daunting to one much older. Good job
Comment Written 27-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2012
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Thank you so much for your lovely review. Yes, Lisa has a great deal thrown at her all through the book. Even I feel sorry for her! Alexis x
Comment from Mara del Mar
A excelent chapter, where the dialogue plays a role very important. I like the panoramic of love in the adolescence, and as the address that go taking the story.
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2012
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A excelent chapter, where the dialogue plays a role very important. I like the panoramic of love in the adolescence, and as the address that go taking the story.
Comment Written 27-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2012
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Thank you so much for your lovely review, I really appreciate it. Alexis x
Comment from Sheik S. Peer
Interesting characters and lots of dialogue. In a dialogue driven chapter it is always a challenge to use the dialogue to illustrate the attitude of the speaker . Then, adjectives such as condescendingly, sarcastically will not be required. In fact I don't think they are required. I believe the dialogue can stand alone.
Scott gave out a low laugh. (Rather than 'gave out) consider (Scott expelled a low laugh.)
He gave her a hug and started searching in his pocket.
(He hugged her and reached into his pocket.)
Scott stood up when she got to the table.
(Scott stood, as she arrived at the table.)
Author has strong dialogue skills that go a long way to develop the characters and drive the plot. I noticed a few structure choices that may be improved upon. Totally your decision.
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reply by the author on 27-Jan-2012
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Interesting characters and lots of dialogue. In a dialogue driven chapter it is always a challenge to use the dialogue to illustrate the attitude of the speaker . Then, adjectives such as condescendingly, sarcastically will not be required. In fact I don't think they are required. I believe the dialogue can stand alone.
Scott gave out a low laugh. (Rather than 'gave out) consider (Scott expelled a low laugh.)
He gave her a hug and started searching in his pocket.
(He hugged her and reached into his pocket.)
Scott stood up when she got to the table.
(Scott stood, as she arrived at the table.)
Author has strong dialogue skills that go a long way to develop the characters and drive the plot. I noticed a few structure choices that may be improved upon. Totally your decision.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2012
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Thank you so much for your really helpful review, it is really appreciated. Alexis x
Comment from MumEsGirl
Gripping read, full of tension and irritating pauses from Scott.
Great idea to send Lisa to boarding school and do some growing up without being flung into the turmoil of teenage relationships
kate
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2012
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Gripping read, full of tension and irritating pauses from Scott.
Great idea to send Lisa to boarding school and do some growing up without being flung into the turmoil of teenage relationships
kate
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2012
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I couldn't agree more. It's too much for any young girl to take on. Thank you so much for your continued support and reviews, they make my day. Alexis x