The Red Dress
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "The red dress chapter two"The story of a teenage girl
14 total reviews
Comment from Maureen's Pen
This has such deep emotion within the chapter that the reader feels everything that Lisa is going through.
The isolation of abused victims has been pegged well and accurately. You did a great job really culling that absolute sense of loss, despair and the "giving up" feelings that Lisa feels.
Great overall chapter, building nicely as the scene fills out. I smiled sadly as Fiona's motherly mask fell into place for the cop. Remember that well, and you captured it as well as Lisa's feeling of a no-win situation only escalates her feelings of being so alone. Perfect to be victimized repeatedly by one that should be protecting her.
I didn't see any obvious spag sticking out. I did however have a sense of too many commas in some of your sentences.
It's not my strength really so can't help out on that. It was more of a sense of really long sentences with 3,4, and sometimes 5 commas. Might be better for the reader to have them chunked into bite size pieces (sentences).
This was a great penned chapter. The pain at reading the abuse makes me remember my own. However I have always felt that no matter where we are in life all those lessons teach us something if we look hard enough.
Thanks for sharing,
Maureen
P.S. Scott is dickless, even Tony put it all together before seeing the markings....just my two cents...
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2012
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This has such deep emotion within the chapter that the reader feels everything that Lisa is going through.
The isolation of abused victims has been pegged well and accurately. You did a great job really culling that absolute sense of loss, despair and the "giving up" feelings that Lisa feels.
Great overall chapter, building nicely as the scene fills out. I smiled sadly as Fiona's motherly mask fell into place for the cop. Remember that well, and you captured it as well as Lisa's feeling of a no-win situation only escalates her feelings of being so alone. Perfect to be victimized repeatedly by one that should be protecting her.
I didn't see any obvious spag sticking out. I did however have a sense of too many commas in some of your sentences.
It's not my strength really so can't help out on that. It was more of a sense of really long sentences with 3,4, and sometimes 5 commas. Might be better for the reader to have them chunked into bite size pieces (sentences).
This was a great penned chapter. The pain at reading the abuse makes me remember my own. However I have always felt that no matter where we are in life all those lessons teach us something if we look hard enough.
Thanks for sharing,
Maureen
P.S. Scott is dickless, even Tony put it all together before seeing the markings....just my two cents...
Comment Written 13-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2012
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Right, so you have Scott sussed! As you now know, this is just the start.... Love Ya! Alexis x
Comment from robina1978
First you become glad she got help. The her brother is so involved with her mother that he does not listen to her first, but phones her mother straight away. And now she is back home. Poor, poor girl.
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2012
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First you become glad she got help. The her brother is so involved with her mother that he does not listen to her first, but phones her mother straight away. And now she is back home. Poor, poor girl.
Comment Written 13-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2012
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Don't worry, Ine, things are about to change in the next chapter which is set a year on...
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So good to hear.
Comment from michaelrandolph
Great storyline, flowing well, making it easy to read. Great internal thoughts from the characters, definitely adding a well written dimension to the characters.
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reply by the author on 14-Jan-2012
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Great storyline, flowing well, making it easy to read. Great internal thoughts from the characters, definitely adding a well written dimension to the characters.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 13-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2012
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Thank you so much for your lovely review.
Comment from Cheryl Daphine
This is so sad and stirs my anger up. Why is it so difficult for the victims to speak out. This chapter paved a very interesting course, for this story Alexis. I am excited to see where it takes her.Great job.
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reply by the author on 15-Jan-2012
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This is so sad and stirs my anger up. Why is it so difficult for the victims to speak out. This chapter paved a very interesting course, for this story Alexis. I am excited to see where it takes her.Great job.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 13-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2012
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Thank you so much for your lovely review. Yes it is very sad and is not restricted to the poor and needy, a stark contrast the the lifestyle Lisa has, but abuse is abuse, whoever you are. Take care, Alexis x